Xwh is saying more to me lately than in the 8 months previous. Maybe because I came out of my modified Plan B with a vengence over him seeing the OW again/still.

He is angry that I was seeing someone. (I have broken it off) He is talking about how I never gave him a chance to straighten things out--that I just went straight to Plan D before even confronting him. He talks about how we should have both treated each other better. I am telling him he has beaten me down and that he 'wins' like he always said he would. He asks what that means...how has he beat me down? I told him he can't be serious....doesn't he realize what he and OW have done to me? That I am near destroyed. He says he is sorry, but then (a few days earlier) he also says things like "You should have tried harder."

I guess I am just putting this out there for you all to help me make sense of it. Is this him coming out of the fog? Or more specifically for his personality it is him coming out of his denial.

He is going through something and I am having a hard time dealing with the OW now. I was so sure I had busted up their affair. I sure didn't want her in ds's life. I guess I was in denial too that he would stop seeing her. It is more painful than I imagined it would be.

SW, he is talking crap and opening up communication will tear you down even more. You can't possibly believe he is coming out of the fog after hearing this. Please end this insanity and go dark again. This is terrible for your mental health. You are the only sane adult your son has right now, you cannot afford to be playing such games by resuming contact with your very, very wayward, destructive, dangerous husband.

He will drag you into the same dark pit if you let him.

I mostly lurk here, but I just wanted to tell you that I think you're handling this heartbreaking situation so very well. You have good instincts. Your son is lucky to have you.

IMO, he has no more right to be angry that you are seeing someone than you do that he is seeing someone. You guys are divorced. I understand that you don't want your son exposed to OW since she was his AP while you were married. But neither of you have any claim over the other anymore.

Thanks all. I guess I needed to hear that he is just trying to suck me back in. I think he wants closure or something...trying to make himself feel better and I won't let him. I am telling him that he has near destroyed me and keeps on doing it. I have had more pride than that until now, but I'm about to collapse.

I can see that going back to as dark as I can is the best way to avoid the pain. Sometimes that feels like denial...but I guess I just need to try to be progressive and move ON with my son.

I took ds out to dinner and a movie last night...trying to have some fun with him.

Dark dark dark, is definitly the way to go now...and I completely understand what u are goin through....Now my DS is my date buddy...It kinda sounds weird but we have movie and dinner by candlelight nite, but he absolutely loves it and looks forward to it....we have game nite, the best thing to come out of all this is that me and ds have bonded sooo much and he seems to be a very happy little boy and does excellent at school...

My WH sees him more now than when he was at home having the A, he was always on computer w OW and blowing DS off constantly...now he and DS do so many things alone together and I am sooo thankful for that.

You are an awesome mom SW...follow your instincts, they are good.

What he is telling you is that he PREFERRED it when he had 2 women meeting his needs -- and would you please resume your part in it?
The affair does better when there is an evil wife as the third point in the triangle. Their relationship with only the 2 of them in it, isn't making him happy -- so would you please resume your part in it?

Sound tempting? I hope not! Just walk away.

People who claim to want closure usually want it by delivering the ultimate "FU" to knock you down so far you can't and won't get back up. This kind of human being cannot get over the idea that you can survive and thrive without them - so they do destructive things like hurt your son, taunt you with "you never gave me a chance" crap.

You didn't give him a chance because of the depth and breadth and length of his depravity. Period.

Plan B silence works really well for this kind of closure.

And they sometimes want to be "buddies" like my WH does...if not for MB i would have thought it sounded like a good idea, even thought i would be mentally tortured.....They want this to alleviate their own guilt, not for your benefit...My WH actually told me to stop acting like a spoiled child, by ignoring him, and to grow up for our DS sake....WHat a joke.

If acting grown up means cheating, lying and leaving your family, then I guess, Yes I am not acting grown up...they want to place the guilt on you, so as to alleviate their guilt...and Yes I beleive deep deep down the guilt eats away at them, somehow.

And that is exactly what he is trying to do to you, SW. Dont fall for it.

This made me smile. And made me see things more clearly. As Kayla said I didn't bother to give him a chance due to the breadth and length and severity of it.....that is what I must remember. I just have to figure out a way to work through my own feelings of rage over him being with her. Why do I even care? I don't want him....that is for sure.

Lets pile in da truck and drive over and open up a can of Texas whoo........ oops, never mind! got carried away a bit there!

SW, the best medicine is to insulate yourself from it as much as possible. Don't allow any contact from your H and don't ask your son for intel when he comes back. There is no way in hell to make this pleasant, my friend.

p.s. as far as the OW being with him: BETTER HER THAN YOU! Good grief, look at what she is getting.

I'm back to feeling in control of myself. Whew. What a week. Tonight Xwh came over to do our taxes with me. Took about an hour. I was able to be totally in control. I betrayed no emotion. I didn't ask one question, nor mention her name.

He began talking to me about his job--and I realized that is a fix for him....he liked me listening to him about his job...so I was as polite as I could be, but did not encourage him at all...

Oh and he saw a magazine on the table about 'is divorce the answer' or something like that and he made a big show of picking it up and commenting on it...said, 'you needed this 6 months ago!' Um, whatever. I didn't say a word.

And when he left he said in a sad and mournful voice, 'goodbye ds9. I sure do miss you.'

He goes to his dad's next on Wednesday. I don't generally ask any questions other than, 'did you have a good time.' He just tends to TELL me stuff. I am feeling better tonight about the OW and Xwh being together. It is what it is...I can't stop it....so gotta move on.

Back feeling I need to convince Wxh of how things went down in our marriage. I found a letter I wrote to him almost exactly a year ago where I praised him and thanked him and told him how hot he was. I gave it to him when I dropped ds off for visitation last night. Then we argued back and forth via text about it for an hour. I was crying....DEFENDING Myself, while he went on and on about how I refused to bend in the marriage and that is what did us in. WHY do I do this?

He cannot remember me giving in (about a year ago) to putting ds in public school. I didn't want to do it and I tried like crazy to get him to reason with me on it, but he wouldn't. Anyway, shortly after I agreed to put him in ps for the 09 fall term I discovered the A and I got full custody and I sure wasn't putting him in public school then. That is the way it happened. Well, after he argued with me about it last night, (not remembering how it happened) I came home and found the emails between us proving EXACTLY what I said.

I want so bad to send the emails to him. I know that is NOT what I should do. Our marriage blew up because he is a cheater.....not because I didn't want to stop homeschooling our son. Right? Or has he convinced himself that he had to start cheating on me because I wouldn't put ds in school?

He is crazy and I am good to be rid of him. Right? Anyone?

He is crazy....waywards are crazy...They always will find a way to blame you for not just THEIR affair but EVERYTHING that was wrong in the M and Global warming....

His affair, His decision....not your fault, ever.