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Joined: Jun 2008
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I have a friend who's going to be getting married in May. She balked at this site, saying it was too much work. However, I persevered, getting across the point of ENs, LBs, etc.
How else do I walk her through this? What do I say so as not to scare her off the issue entirely? She seems to be very in love with her fiance, so I want to be sure that she does very well.
She seems very averse to the idea of conforming to this, but I'm trying to get the point across that ENs, minimizing LBs, etc, are important. So what do I recommend/do now?
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Joined: Nov 2009
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Why not buy her a bundle of Dr. Harley's books and give them to her as a (advance) wedding gift?
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Joined: Jun 2008
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That's a great idea! How much are his books anyway? Wait, I'll look them up on Barnes and Noble...
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Joined: Apr 2008
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How bout the Bookstore on this site?
God's Blessings,
Say
Me, BW-57
FWH 54
4 kids and 4 grandbabies between us
In recovery since D-day, May 28,2007
FWH never onboard the MB boat but still clinging to the side.
One day at a time by God's grace.
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Joined: May 2009
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You can lead the horse to water, but you can't make it drink...strike that, I don't think you can even lead that "horse" if it really doesn't want to go...
Case in point: I have four divorced female friends...and all of them are making not to healthy relationship choices right now. Two are basically living with other men and their divorces not any where near final. A third dates anything with two legs and a ___ (clearly on the man-hunt). The fourth is probably handling things the best, but is letting her man LB and walk all over her.
They all talk to me and each other about the mistakes everyone else is making. I keep reminding them all we can do is support, listen and be there when they need us.
3-DDays, 4-OMs*, Plan-D May 9, 2009, final Dec 2010 (FREEDOM!)
Custody of DDs / new job(s) / "I'm alive...and well"
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Joined: Jun 2008
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She tells me she told her fiance about this site...and he is "insulted that I wouldn't know my own fiance's needs."
You're right. I'm trying to make the horse see that it's best to drink...
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 895
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Karma,
I give HNHNs along with a shower or engagement gift. I just tell them that had someone given me that book before I married, it would have made my M better and stronger. I don't offer anything else unless asked. (-:
God's Blessings,
Say
Me, BW-57
FWH 54
4 kids and 4 grandbabies between us
In recovery since D-day, May 28,2007
FWH never onboard the MB boat but still clinging to the side.
One day at a time by God's grace.
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She tells me she told her fiance about this site...and he is "insulted that I wouldn't know my own fiance's needs." That's a red flag and bodes ill for the future. If he's not interested NOW in something his fiance thinks might help them, God help them when the shine wears off.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Joined: Jun 2008
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To be fair, she isn't really very interested in it either...
I BARELY got her to consider ENs.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 31
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I agree. You can't "make" someone do anything! We all know that marriage is hard work at times. Perhaps by your telling her about this place, she will remember it when she and her spouse hit a rough patch.
BS-me 42yrs
WH-him 50yrs
OW 31yrs and single
married 18yrs
together 21yrs
DD15
DS12
D-Day#1 6/14/2009 DD15 discovered A
WH moves out 6/14/2009
WH asks to reconcile 6/21/2009
WH asks for D 7/18/2009
WH asks to reconcile 9/14/2009
WH sees therapist 9/2009
No active recovery right now
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