My husband and I have known one another since we were 12 years old. We have been together for 8 years and married for 6. We have 3 little boys (age 8, 5, and 2). Last May, we were on very rocky ground and decided to seperate. Well, I'm not even going to try to justify my actions. I ended up engaging in an emotional affair with another man. There was nothing physical that happened. We merely talked, but because that was what was lacking from my marriage, it was horribly wrong. My husband and I debated back and fourth on whether to persue our marriage or just give up. Eventually, the decision was to meet with a pastor and work out our issues.
Things were up and down. He felt very betrayed (and I understand that) by what I did and had a very hard time accepting that I would not do it again (the other man did persue me for a few months). I did all that I could to prove to him that I was fully commited to him and our marriage. I thought things were going well.
Last November, some things happened at work that hit my husband very personally. He started to withdraw from me. I noticed, but figured that he just needed space to get his head around the death of his collegues. I tried to be the supportive wife, but he refused to talk to me and withdrew furhter into his shell. Christmas Eve he told me he was leaving me. He said he couldn't pretend anymore and that I had hurt him too much. He had nothing left to give. December 30th I found the text messages to her. I called the other women and found out she was some girl from work. She said they were just friends and that she was helping my husband in ways I couldn't. That she "understood him". He swore she was just a friend.
My husband has fully moved out of my house and has started the divorce proceedings. My children and myself (as well as all those close to us) are in utter shock. This is blindsiding me. He says that the wounds I inflicted are too severe and he doesn't love me anymore. He said he cut off things with the other women because she wanted a relationship and he didn't. My husband is so lost. He doesn't think that what he is doing is the same as what I did. He thinks that he is justified and he is happier now then with me. He doesn't have the stresses that come with having 3 kids to deal with daily now or the responsibilities of a household and wife. He is living in denial. My biggest fear is that he is going to go through with it and I am going to lose the man I love and the father of my children.
Does anyone have advice? I have been told to ignore him and allow him to hit his own rock bottom. My fear is that he won't hit it until after he fully divorces me. God keeps telling me to "be still" , but I am human and I struggle. I'm at the end of myself and don't know where to go from here. Please, help me. Pray for me. Anything is appreciated. Thank you.

bri: copy your first post and start a thread over on the "Surviving an Affair" board. You will get lots of help there. Nothing is over yet, there are things you can do, be strong.