Dear Margo: My younger sister, "Megan," has always been unlucky with men. But two years ago, she met a man, "Bob," who was handsome and charming and treated her magnificently. As she fell in love with him, our family hoped they would marry. Even though the relationship was semi long-distance (he told her he lived out of state and traveled frequently to her city on business), and even though he and Megan didn�t hang out with his friends (we assumed he didn�t have a tight-knit group in her town), he was very sweet and had met our whole family.

A few months ago, with no warning, Bob broke up with Megan. She was distraught. Despite repeated attempts to find out why he dumped her, Bob didn�t give her a reason. Fast-forward to today. My mom and I, both former journalists, went Internet sleuthing and found that Bob has been married for 10 years, has two small children and lives not out of state, but in a suburb 30 minutes from where Megan lives. We are livid. I want to get ahold of Bob and let him know we�re aware of his charade and find him despicable, but I don�t want to contact the wife, as she either knows and doesn�t care, or doesn�t know and would be even more devastated than Megan to learn of his philandering. Do you have any advice about what to say to Bob once I�ve gotten ahold of him? I know nothing I say will stop him from doing this sort of thing again, but I�d like to remind him that not only did he hurt my sister, but he�s also setting his wife and two children up for a lot of pain. And his behavior could expose his wife to STDs. Have you any words of wisdom for Megan? � PO�d Sis

Dear PO: As we used to say in our family, "Save your breath to cool your soup." Whatever choice words you have for this sleaze bucket will have zero effect; he already knows he�s married. I applaud, by the way, your not wanting to tip off his wife. As for your sister, tell her the probable reason for Romance Interruptus is that the Mrs. found out or another babe caught his eye. Remind her that she just had rotten luck, but she dodged a bullet, spelled b-u-m. I suspect that after this experience she will check on the status of any future suitors. � Margo, historically


The above was written in a recent aritcle.
I think the sister should tell the BW of the A. I am thinking that most people here would agree.

Just for opinions..

I've always thought that Dear Margo was/is full of stinky old beans.

What silly, irrational advice. My only explanation is that people like this have not thought it through carefully or are wayward themselves.

Lets apply this logic to embezzlement. Would she be "applauding" them if they decided not to tip off the neighbor that his bookkeeper was embezzling money from him? Could anyone in their right mind justify not telling his neighbor that his bookkeeper was robbing him by saying "I don't want to hurt him??" Can you imagine the police not telling a dad that his child was being molested because they "don't want to hurt him?"

Adultery is a more grievous crime than embezzlement in that the risk is more than financial, but physical, ie: STDs. It is a risk to the marriage and the safety of the children's family.

Would this completely irrational principle work with any other crime? I suspect this line of thinking was concocted by a WAYWARD, because the notion that the victim of adultery should not be warned is WAYWARD thinking at worst and fuzzy logic at best.

That's one of the reasons I don't read Margo or anything like that anymore...

Sigh. Anti-marriage everywhere you look, and everyone wants to know why I'm not married yet.

Ignorant woman with ignorant advice. Just like Dear Abby.

For curiousity's sake, how about writing a letter to "Margo" referring to the advice she gave here and asking her why she thought it was a "good move" to not let the OMW know that her husband was a philanderer?

The response may be enlightening as to how these "advice columnists" think.

Well, that could have been my XWH. It is exactly what he did - told the OW he was single, lived with her, attended family functions etc. Even after I called her and told her the truth, it didn't matter.

I think they got M over the holidays just 1 week after our D was final.

And YES, I wish someone would have told me earlier. I didn't find out until the A had been going on for almost 2 years.

Worst advice I ever heard.

Margo's mother was Abigail.

Tell you what. We should let this thread get filled up with stories or REAL experinces with this type of situation, and e-mail the entire darn thing to Margo. Maybe then she would know.