If you don't know my story, read the post titled "Am I being stupid" (something like that).

Yes, I've come to the conclusion that I am stupid. This past Saturday I found the cell phone that she bought him in his underwear. Long story short, we had went to the store and I kept having this naggin feeling that something wasn't right. He sat in the car at first, then he got out and his pants was zipped down. I said to him, your pants are zipped down. So we left the store and got ready to get on the highway and something kept telling me to touch his groin area, I did and he jumped like he was scared. So I told him to lift up a little and I kept feeling until I felt the cell phone. He had just gotten it back from her, she left if for him outside of our office. He called her from a payphone and told her to leave it so they can talk. The affair right now is just emotional, they haven't seen each other, he hasn't been alone long enough to do that. He used a payphone at a store while we were in the store to tell her to leave the cell phone at the office. I've been on him like white on rice, no outside trips alone. Now in our home, it's a 4 bedroom house and pretty large so he has been sneaking away to call her for comfort. It's just the conversation with her that draws him to her. She listens and never disagrees with him so inturn he thinks she Miss goody twoshoe. I've been difficult since the affair took place so he finds peace with her. I called her and she states that she hasn't seen him and she dropped the phone off at the office because he is on lock down as she describes it. I told her she could have him and I told him to leave. He declares that he loves me and doesn't want to be with her. I told her to come get him and she refuses and said that she doesn't want him and had the nerve to encourage me to stay with him. We are still under the same roof, but I just need the guts to leave. His parents even gave him an ultimatum. They told him if he sees her again.....well I wont said what they said they would do, but it's pretty serious. So, I guess I am stupid for being in love with a man who has feelings for another woman and seems like he has to talk to her. This time instead of mailing her the cell phone back, I dropped it in water and threw it away. This is the second time she has left him a cell phone outside of his office. The first time was at her suggestion the second time was his idea. So what do you do when there is no sex, but an emotional attachement which in my opinion may be worse. I know I know, yall told me so. I thought things were going so well, I really did. Now he DECLARES he's done with her. Thing is, are you done because of what your parents said or are you done because you really want to be with me. I told his parents I would give it one last try, however, I don't know from one second to the next if I'm gonna stay with him. Now I don't even trust him in the bathroom alone. Yesterday I literally talked and yell at him all day, and that's not healthy. I am preparing myself for another surprise, I just cant shake the feeling that they are still talking some how. Her and I texted each other for 2 hours this morning. Her saying she can't explain how she feels about him and how we should "work it out". How hypocritical.

26years, just a little posting advice, you should stick to one thread, it gets confusing...this way everything is right on one thread.

Also it is a little easier to read your posts if you break it up into paragraphs a little more.

I have not read your whole story yet, but it seems your WH wants to work on the marriage, right? and the way you feel, waffling back and forth is normal....

Did you read the info on this website, did you expose, did your WH right a NC letter?

First, STOP communicating with the OW! She is going to fill your head with all kinds of garbage.

EXPOSE to everyone whom your husband respects AND especially to the OW's husband. Also, expose to her family and friends.

READ UP on Plan A, and start working it. Somewhere, there's a thread called "The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A". READ IT and DO IT! If, after you've successfully worked a GOOD Plan A for a few weeks, you will need to consider Plan B.

STOP LoveBusting your WH! Angry outbursts are definitely not going to make him WANT to stop cheating!

All his anger at the OW and blustering are nothing more than an attempt to gaslight you into thinking that he has ended the affair. Don't believe a word out of his mouth.

This is important enough to say again and again. Make this the kind of marriage YOU want, not one of anger and resentment, but of love and nurturing.

Be sweet sweet sweet, and if he does something that hurts your feelings, tell him he's hurt your feelings but don't yell or talk at him.

And here's the kicker, keep this up the rest of your M. Read His Needs Her Needs and read up on Emotional Needs and Lovebusters and make this an active part of your marriage. Don't try to convince him of the EN or LBs right now, just putt them into action. When he sees the change in you and falls back in love with you, then you tell him what you are doing, and you can ask him to fulfill your EN's.

But right now..."Be the Change you want to see in the world."