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Well, I do agree that the name calling is an issue. Starting with the small issues and working up is important. Becoming irrational and resorting to emotionally charged and immature language will not help in any way. Wow another new poster...sorry if the name calling offends you...but as for immature language, well it helps me a lot...I think its a little immature to think that OW means well...and I am a little emotionally charged when an OW slept with my H and when I talked to her on the phone and pleaded with her to please let me try and work on keeping my family together and stop calling my H because we are trying to work things out. Then she proceeds to call my H back a tell him I called her and cussed her out and that she wont let him go....A little "immature language" and "emotionally charged language" seems a little called for....OW contributed to the destruction of my family. I HATE HER! And a skankho is actually what she is, look up the definition.  So please please DO NOT CALL HER! She is a liar and it will do NO good. 
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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Yes I frown upon cheating/secrecy, too, but it does happen and I find it important to figure out the underlying reasons. This site and the information on it and the books recommended clearly defines the underlying causes of adultery. Perhaps you should read some of it. You registered today and 4-posts in are in apparent support of a woman who has entered imstrong�s life in the most vicious way possible for the past 3-years. What�s your story? Yes I've read some of it and while I think some of the theories displayed on the site have some good in them I reject most of them. Let me introduce myself: I'm a gay, married (5 years now!  ) female, I work as a LCSW (I guess that's what you'd call it) in a free healthcare clinic in the south of The Netherlands. I stumbled upon this site and I am hoping to give people some insights from another perspective than the one used mainly on this site. I have a background in REBT and I apply this method in my practise daily. I counsel divorced couples, couples considering divorcing and their children. So yes I do have some knowledge about all this. Hope that answers your question. WHY would you do this? To "educate" all of us that your lifestyle and what you believe is "better" than what is on this site? That is highly disrespectful...if we wanted other information, we are grown-ups who are more than capable of setting out and finding it out for ourselves. We don't need to be "taught" by someone who "believes" she has something to teach that is in direct opposition to why we are here in the first place. Unfreakingbelievable.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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[
Mind you: I do not necessarily disagree with the statement that talking to other party might only cause more hurt, feelings of rejection. But it can also clear up a lot of things.
Judging without being able to view the complete picture is just something I am strongly against. Talking to the OW may completely muddy the picture. The OW has her own agenda and there is no way to know what that agenda is. I'll bet it isn't to support WW, though.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Yes I've read some of it and while I think some of the theories displayed on the site have some good in them I reject most of them. Let me introduce myself: I'm a gay, married (5 years now! ) female, I work as a LCSW (I guess that's what you'd call it) in a free healthcare clinic in the south of The Netherlands. I stumbled upon this site and I am hoping to give people some insights from another perspective than the one used mainly on this site. I have a background in REBT and I apply this method in my practise daily. I counsel divorced couples, couples considering divorcing and their children. So yes I do have some knowledge about all this. Hope that answers your question. You are hoping to give people here these insights? You have come to the site of the expert whom we wish to learn from, to tell us that the concepts here are mostly wrong? You have come here to teach us? 
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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**edit**
Last edited by Revera; 01/27/10 11:12 AM. Reason: TOS - disruptive
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Stop disrupting this thread! This thread is for the purpose of helping the newcomer with her marriage. Keep posts productive and helpful to the OP and stop lecturing other posters.
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Mmmmm why are these new posters on the surviving an affair forum...when they dont seem to have that problem....telling us BS's with the WS's to not call OP names...
What is your agenda? Do you guys have an affair in your M you need help surviving? We are more than happy to help...otherwise I dont think you should be on here telling us what to do...
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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**edit**
Last edited by Revera; 01/27/10 11:16 AM. Reason: TOS - multiple aliases
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FLYINGHIGH... Do you have experience with rebuilding marriages after an affair the MB way? Did you read Dr Harleys books? If not then you I dont see why you are on this SURVIVING AN AFFAIR forum? On Marriage Builders website..telling the rest of us what to do...JMHO Oh I guess the answer to my questions have already been answered, huh?  Thank goodness for the Mods, Thank you Revera 
Last edited by stillhere8126; 01/27/10 11:21 AM.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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**edit**
Edited by Revera (01/27/10 09:16 AM)
Edit Reason: TOS - multiple aliases Yep.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Well, it was glaringly apparent after seeing both of their post numbers go up at the same time.
Pagh.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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How cruel to use the thread of a desperate newbie to launch their campaign for anti-Harley education.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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**edit**
Edited by Revera (01/27/10 09:16 AM)
Edit Reason: TOS - multiple aliases Yep. I hear there are lots of opportunities to develop healthy hobbies in the Netherlands...or Hinterlands, wherever. Horseback riding...tulip planting...reading to blind senior citizens...
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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imstrong...
I'm sorry about the t/j...it might be a good idea for you to start another thread asking for specific advice...do you want to save your M? If so then that's a lot more important than anything the OW has to say.
If you want advice on how to save your M, please tell us a little about your story and we can help you. It would be best to do this in another thread.
I am sorry you are here but this is the best place for help.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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My answer may be a little different. I, like you, wanted to asked the OW questions, and I did. She proved to be more helpful then my husband. As my husband always pretended that he didn't remember certain details. As crazy as it sounds, talking to her gave me more peace then talking to him. She was honest with me, as I knew her and "thought" she was an ok person. She didn't mind answering all of my questions. We've talked several times. I know she didn't lie about the story because I would tell my husband everything she told me and all of a sudden he would remember things, go figure. We've also had a yelling match as well.
"Never get in a bed if your name isn't written on it"
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The problem is she wont know if OW is lying....there is no benefit from it...It is not a good idea at all.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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