My wife and I are in divorce mediation. I found this site after the papers were filed and you have all been of great help to me. My latest self revelation is that we are divorcing because we did not recognise each others mental health problem - ADD. I am looking for more help in understanding this problem.<P>A recent posting from Paul Moyers questioned if ADD could be an excuse for his wife's behavior. Well I have been puzzled about why we are getting divorced since we bypassed the marriage counseling route and have been grasping for answers. I have been told all the usual reasons lack of respect etc. etc, but we had never had any major blowups. Well that post made me look at information on ADD and I found out that indeed my wife has many of the symtoms. This lead me to another site where I found an on-line test. I decided to take the test for my wife, but as Itook it I realised most of the questions pertained to me! I took the test and received a highly likely score. As someone suggested I read more and more and lo and behold both my wife and I have the symtoms of AADD.<P>At the mediator yesterday I related the symptoms to him (I was attending alone) and he confirmed what I thought. All my wife's complaints about me, to do with anger, are symptoms and all my complaints about my wife, she doen't care/listen, are symptoms, indeed are triggers for my anger. There are obviously a lot of other symptoms which apply, losing things, forgetfulness etc. The mediator is a therapist also who specialised in ADD and a lawyer.<P>Well I'm arranging to be tested as soon as possible. I haven't told my wife because I don't expect it to be well recieved, "another excuse. I'm hoping the mediator will share it with her when they meet next week, 2 days before we meet with the judge.<P>Thanks for reading this far.

Excellent question. My H & I are recovering, but I think he is ADD.<P>He sat out a whole lot of grade school and was an under achiever in high school, although he bounced back and has now has a graduate degree.<P>Anyway, he does not have a anger problem, but is extremely inattentive and has two speeds sleeping and fast forward.<P>He personality can make me feel unimportant and unloved. It is hard for him to focus on relationships or communication.<P>I think his impulsive aspect of his personality may have been a factor in activating his affair. He didn't think it through.<P>Anyway, just thoughts.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Thank you FHL your H sounds like my W. She will askme the same question 4 timesin the space of 30 minutes and still forget. Fortunately she was able to perform in school since she was hyperfocused on being an Architect from age 7.<P>From your posts I can tell you are a very understanding woman and your H is very lucky.<P>I've also read that 75% of marriages which include one spouse with ADD ends in divorce usually because the non-ADD partner is not understanding(insert me). I always took her need for work overload, being late, never phoning etc. as showing she didn't care. Add my problem to the mix and it's a wonder we've been married 17 years.<P>AADD seems to answer all my problems throughout my life. When this first hit me i was elated, then I was depressed as I realised that this whole mess has happened because we didn't understand each other's behavioral problems. Well I hope in fact that this is the answer to my part of the problem and that I can do something about it to live a more fulfilling life with or without my wife.<P>------------------<BR>It's always darkest before the dawn