|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
I know I don't have anything. 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 142
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 142 |
In febraury when we are together I'll see what happens right now it's too recent I don't want to make any desicions that I'll regret.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803 |
In febraury when we are together I'll see what happens right now it's too recent I don't want to make any desicions that I'll regret. Like sleeping with your BFF's H? The mistake has already been made. You seem to be under some sort of erroneous assumption that you can still somehow change this fact as long as you keep your mouth shut and your H doesn't find out.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 142
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 142 |
Yes exactly like that, I cannot make any desicions out of guilt for what I did, I need to do what's best for all of us.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Yes exactly like that, I cannot make any desicions out of guilt for what I did, I need to do what's best for all of us. lokil, you are not qualified to decide what is "best" for your husband. You are dangerous to him. Only he is qualified to decide what is best for him. What is best for your husband is to know the truth about his life so he can protect himself from you and your lover. You are DANGEROUS to him. To not tell him the truth is to compound the crime by LYING TO HIM. That would be manipulative and cruel to trick him into staying married to you just because you are a coward. He might not want to stay married to an adulterer and that is HIS RIGHT. You have no right to deny him that choice. Don't lie to your husband, lokil. He will find out eventually. Honesty is the solution to adultery, not more lies.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803 |
Yes exactly like that, I cannot make any desicions out of guilt for what I did, I need to do what's best for all of us. Lying to your H isn't what's best for him. It's what you think is best for you. It's you trying to save your own skin and not have to own up to what you've done. It's pure and total selfishness. There just is no other way to look at this.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Don't be a coward, lokil. It will eat you up. Don't trick your husband into staying married to you based on your lies. Don't treat him like your pet.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297 |
lokil, my daughter is 29. She has been married for 12 months (not quite your 14 but near enough). Her Facebook profile pic is their wedding photo. The one where they are kissing each other. When they look at each other they smile, they hold hands, she sits on his knee. He always looks at her fondly and she gives him a "oooh, you're my man" smile back.
I just don't understand WHY or HOW, after only 14 months of marriage you could have sex with someone not your H - and I won't and can't accept drink as an excuse.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 142
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 142 |
Like I said I`m not making any desicions until I see him and we are together and i had a few days to think about it, today while Im very emotional and feeling like crap is not the right time to make any desicions.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Like I said I`m not making any desicions until I see him and we are together and i had a few days to think about it, today while Im very emotional and feeling like crap is not the right time to make any desicions. It is never the right time to decide to LIE. You don't have to "wait" to know the right thing to do. It is never right to be a liar.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780 |
Yes exactly like that, I cannot make any desicions out of guilt for what I did, I need to do what's best for all of us. Again, you aren't listening. You do not have the right to keep this information from your spouses...You are keeping information THEY need to make decisions about THEIR life. And FTR, the day I got proof of the 7 year lie was the day I was done. A flip switched in my head and I knew I would NEVER take him back. We will never know if I would have forgiven him for it if he had told me when it happened. And we will also never know if his confession would have stopped him from having the next affair.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 142
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 142 |
I`ve been with my husband from 2006 not that it matters I`m stilol very in love with him as the day we got married.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617 |
I cant believe this thread is still goin on...in the words of our fellow MB peep DUDE....."koo koo for coco puffs, man" or sumthin like dat.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 8,297 |
So how could it happen? It's not a kiss or an extra long hug. It's SEX for crying out loud.
For what it's worth I'll be very surprised if the man doesn't tell his wife. Very, very surprised. Or else he makes such a habit of this that you're just one more.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 142
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 142 |
I don't know we talked yesterday, and agreed not to tell her, but every itme my phone rings I'm scared that it's going to be her yelling at me. I real;ly hope he does not tell her not right now anyways.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780 |
I don't know we talked yesterday, and agreed not to tell her, but every itme my phone rings I'm scared that it's going to be her yelling at me. I real;ly hope he does not tell her not right now anyways. End the torture and TELL HER AND YOUR BH NOW.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 920
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 920 |
We have reconsidered and have unlocked this thread. Please keep posts respectful and productive.
Thank you, Revera
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 302
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 302 |
In febraury when we are together I'll see what happens right now it's too recent I don't want to make any desicions that I'll regret. Hate to tell you this sister but you've already made a decision that you have regretted, right? (banging that dude). Now you are making ANOTHER poor decision, by lying. There have been a few posters here that told you about finding out years later, myself included, (21 years). When your husband does find out, (and he will), next month, or in 3 years, or 13 years, it will be as bad as him finding out the next day, except that you lied for all of those years. YOU made a piss poor decision to do what you did, you can blame in on wine, or the man in the moon, the point is that it was YOU that allowed yourself to have sex with another man....no one else, YOU. And its up to YOU to make it right, and to save your marriage.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 315
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 315 |
Lokil, how are you doing today? Had some time to think? I thought I would remind you of this post which describes what will happen in the futur: Mark1952: Re: I slept with someone last night
lokil,
Think about what might happen if this man one day decides that he must come clean to his wife, your friend. Imagine how hurt and angry she would be then. Think about what your husband will think of you, not only for the having sex with his friend but for the perhaps years of lying about it.
This has already affected your relationship with your husband since now you are keeping a secret from him that you must always live in fear of his finding out. Each day that you withhold it from him builds a wall between you that robs not only him but you of real intimacy. Once you set your life on the path of having to uphold a lie, everything you do gets colored by the lie. You will never be able to share honestly with your husband or your friend ever again because you will have to remain protective of the lie.
When you are with your husband you will be reminded of your failure keep your vows. If you are with your friend you will always be wo! ndering if she knows or what she would say if she found out the truth. If you are with your husband and this other man you will be fixated on watching them for their interactions. If you are with your husband and this man's wife you will always fear that she may know and tell him. If your husband does something alone with the other man you will have to fear what may ensue. Consider what happens if your husband and this man become fast friends, learn to trust each other and then the truth comes out. Then the betrayal will be all the worse for the lies that have been told by you and this other man while maintaining the charade of friendship.
There simply is no way for you to maintain this as a secret and live a happy and fulfilling life with your husband. The wall of secrecy and lies must be built forever higher, wider, thicker until you will be unable to let him into the parts of your life that matter, those parts that reflect the real you.
If you tell ! the truth your friendship will be destroyed. You must know alr! eady tha t you can't really have the kind of friendship you once had because of this. You and the other man will never look at each other as friends ever again. The truth might end their marriage. The truth might end your own marriage. The act itself brought the friendship to an end and lying for the rest of your life about it will not return the friendship to what it was nor allow your marriage to be what it once was or what it should be and could be in the future.
Mark
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344 |
Good morning Lok. I hope you were able to rest last night.
Today would be a good day to begin to plan how to pick up the pieces and decide what you need to do to help your husband through this. There are many excellent articles on this site that may be able to help you.
Your hubby will be home next week. We are pulling for you to do the right thing by him. He DESERVES that from you.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (anonymous2025),
198
guests, and
62
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,620
Posts2,323,477
Members71,937
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
