Need a bit of advice.

I heard from a teacher that another teacher at our school just found out her H cheated. I don't know if this is true, and I didn't really comment when I was told about this. I HATE gossip. However, I know that my colleague and her H have had some problems before, and she has been a little emotional.

Now, I am a FWW. I am not sure if she knows this, but given how widely H and I exposed and how small this town is, I wouldn't be surprised. I have had several friends and even H say before that they really hope God can use me someday to help someone who is going through this type of situation. But since I am the FWW andhave never been a BS, would reaching out to her be seen as a slap in the face to her? I haven't said anything one way or the other because I heard it at least second hand, but if it is true my hart hurts for her.

If you were a newly BS, and a FWW tried to reach out to you, would it just make me angrier or would you feel any comfort?

I would have liked it if you reached out to me. I was so lost when my H had an affair and most ppl do not know what to do. You know of a way to save marriages, so you are an invaluable resource.

I'd really like to tell her to come here. Even pastors or churches don't know what to do most of the time, and she sure doesn't need to be listening to all the school hens!

Send her to me!

I think that she feels alone and lost. I think that if you were to let her know that you are there to help her and you understand than she should be okay. I would not expect too much. Even brace yourself for the fact that she may project on to you.

I would still go for it and try to help her. Even telling her about this website and SAA.

Lurioosi, the key word in your self-description is "former." You have come here imbued with the MB concepts, principles and knowledge. You have been HEALED.

I would think those credentials give you plenty of standing to offer advice and assistance to someone in need of it.

Yup!

People who have been cheated on and frankly those that have cheated are often soooo lost. Offer the help and let her decide if she wants it or not.

I think you would be a great resource and you know where and how to use a really good resource...MB.

By all means, approach her and see if she will accept your help.

God Bless,

JL

It would depend on how you broached the subject, IMO. I would think, from your posts on here, that you would do it the right way and be able to at least offer intelligent and heartfelt advise.

Of course she may not want any of it.

I know you've helped me.

I am going to pray for this lady today, and then I am going to wait for an opportunity (time chatting alone in the hall/classroom, a "how are you" from me that might gently dig deeper") then go from there. I don't want to come out and ask because, true or not, knowing she was the subject of gossip might hurt her worse. Thanks,guys!

L:

Don't wait.

Talk to her Monday.

Why?

Say it is only "gossip"? What if everyone else KNOWS that her H is wayward and she doesn't?

Say the "gossip" is true, and her H has left her, and left her for another woman?

Many, many posters around her talk about how after they found out, they were lost, thier lives blown up, and many of thier friends? Not wanting to talk or help, for whatever reason.

You have been betrayed, and who wants to expose thier dirty laundry? TO thier friends? To have them ask them, what is wrong with YOU that he would leave?

What have you learned from MB? How to understand how an A has started, how it can end, and the devastation that it spreads all around. If nothing else, you can talk about this to her. And then direct her here.

Should you be honest about what you went through? Yes. But this isn't about you, its about her, and the help she needs.

Waiting for the "right moment" is allowing it to become too much a factor of chance that you will talk to her. Be a little more pro-active. Try to meet her in her office at the end of the day.

LG

I am a BS. One of the people who made the most difference in my world at a time that I truly needed it was a FWW.

She just sat down next to me and let go with her words. My respect level rose ten-fold for this woman and the lessons she learned and cared enough to share with me.

Eibrab

I will stroll into her office during planning or lunch and try to broach the subject. I can usually find my mom's gift for tactful and gentle words when I need to. If she needs someone, I will be there. And I will definitely point her here.

I also feel compelled to quell gossip as much as possible. In my sitch, if I hadn't cheated, there would have been nothing to gossip about. But for her, she doesn't need the whole faculty speculating about her and her marriage. I love my job and my colleagues, but I swear teachers gossip more than any other professionals out there!

It just occured to me that she bought and read my novel last spring,which is basically my story with some other stuff woven in. So se already knows where I am coming from. Maybe that will help.

Luri,

Nope.....matters not who is reaching out to comfort and console, just as long as they ARE.....she is probably feeling lost, lonely, shocked, befuddled....all the usual BS emotions. The only way it would be a slap in the face is if YOU were the OW....which, of course, you aren't, so no worries there....


Right after Dday, the first person I talked to was my sis, who at the time was a WS!!!!...Granted, now I was actually looking for my dad and got her instead, and her affair was over, but only "just over". None-the-less, her support and comfort for me during the whole ordeal was immeasurable!!!

And once I got on here, a month after Dday, one of the first posters to me was Lala (Resonance). She stayed with me through my WHOLE ordeal...in fact, when MB went down at one point for TWO WHOLE WEEKS, she was the only one I had any contact with by email. We are still friends today, even though she no longer posts on here......

As a BS, the insight to the WS mind that I got from FWW's was so helpful.....reach out to her ASAP.......be a the kind of friend you would be no matter what happened in your past.....

not2fun

OK, very odd. We had faculty meeting yesterday, and I was one of the first to get to the media center and sit down. Guess who walks up, says hello, and says, "I'll sit by you today." We chatted a few minutes, and confess I wasn't really thinking about the opportunity because I was distracted over an angry "wh didn't my child get a bigger part in the play" email I had gotten. Then we started talking abou her daughter's future MIL and how much drama there was. Apparently that is the woma whose H is wayward, not my colleaague. I hate gossip for this reason. But my c's DD is upset, and so is c. She said she and her H had had their problems, but they had been marrid 36 years. I said, "Yeah, H and I have had some rough roads, but thank Gd we've weathered them." She smiled at me and said, "I know. I read your book, remember? We'll have to get together and chat sometime." The conversation dropped thn, and more tachers started sitting around us.

So I don't know if the story about the MIL got twisted until the version I heard included my c, or if it was related becuse my c also went through it at one time. But in anycase, the door is open. I am going to go to her tday and write down this site in case MIL wants it. I guess I just came away with a feeling of heaviness that this affects SO MANY people everywhere.