Fred I understand what you're saying. I am not married and I know my b/f and I were just living together but I felt like we really were married. My mentality was that he was my husband. I just felt like the main reason for us not getting married was because we were not financially stable enough for marriage. When I get married, I wanted to be able to have a set career, be done with grad school, have a nice wedding, and have kids shortly after. If we both had enough money, we would have been married (we have talked about this a while ago) and have kids already. Also, my parents didn't approve of us dating (because of our races).

I came here for support with my situation. Just because he wasn't my husband doesn't mean it hurts less and it's easier to walk away who was your best friend for 7 years. I'm young (23) and it's hard to walk away from someone who's been in the such a big part of my life. This is the hardest thing I've had to deal with in my life.

I felt like it helps the healing when I talk about it with people who have been or are in my situation. A lot of my friend have no idea what I'm going through.

(A dog, "like a child"? I've raised a dog and I've raised 2 children, so just give me a break from that kind of talk...)
The two of you aren't married. You aren't parents. Your BF obviously ain't ready.
I know it hurts now, but later on you'll count yourself grateful that you had a chance to get out now.


He lied to you & treated you badly for 2 years while you kept giving him 2nd chances. I wouldn't cut him any more slack just because he's been (as far as you can tell) on good behavior for a mere 2 weeks.

I'm the last person in the world with any right to denigrate a 2nd chance (knowing how I got one myself), but at some point, you've got to ask yourself, "How can he respect me if I don't respect myself enough to hold out for better?" What kind of promise have you gotten from him beyond the rent that's due next month? What has he put behind that promise?

A ring talks, bullcrap walks. He hasn't seen it as worth his while to put any ring on your finger, despite having had 6 years to think about it.

Lordy... don't stay together for the sake of the dog -- the dog will be fine either way.

WTDN, you just felt like you were married because you haven't been married. You don't know what it feels like. I am here to tell you it is like night and day. Feeling married is not the same as being married; feelings are not truth.

The most supportive thing others can tell you is to RUN. There is no future with this man and the chances that this relationship will make it are slim to none.

thank you all for your support and advice. i understand what you guys are saying. Maybe the reality check is what I needed. It's just very hard.

I understand most people don't understand the whole "my dog is like my baby" type thing but he really is like our child. I know my dog will be ok but I know my dog will be wondering where his "daddy" is. (he goes to my b/f when I ask him "where's daddy?") We used to work out our work/school schedules so our dog wouldn't be alone for very long. I guess the dog replaced the child we wanted but didn't have due to finances/being in school/work/being so young.

I know what I need to do. My head and heart are not in agreement. Eventually they will be.

I hope eventually I will get past the pain and hurt and find happiness.



That is a great quote and made me think.

Your choices are:

1. short term pain and long term pain [staying with him]

OR

2. short term pain and long term GAIN [breaking up now and moving on]

Staying with someone who lies and cheats will condemn you to a life of hell. You think you feel bad now? You will feel worse when it happens in the future because you will be beaten down by his abuse.

The stage has already been set, the habits are already formed. And if you ever did get married, he would figure he 'passed the test' so you are obliged to endure whatever abuse he feels like doling out. This is WHY the majority of domestic abuse occurs in marriages that start this way. They are marked by abuse. The abuse in your situation has already started.

Do you want your future to be like this? Do you want to inflict such unstability on children?

Just because she's not married doesn't make it right for us to turn our backs on her. She's here for help and we have the knowledge to help so why not?

I am sorry for your pain What. Your pain as a betrayed girlfriend is real and no-one here doubts it.

You should run a mile from this man but you should stay here and read the articles. Buy the books and learn how you will be able to build a relationship and marriage with someone who is suitable. Your boyfriend is definitely not marriage material so best to heed the warning signs and get out now.

You are young and you will learn much from this and the things you learn will hold you in good stead when picking a future partner.

I'm glad you found this site, glad you posted here and glad you are receiving so many replies, because the things you learn will help you to build a great marriage when you eventually meet a man who respects you enough to make a real commitment to you.

Take care and I sincerely wish you a very happy future.

WTDN, bring the body and the mind will follow. You have stumbled on the key to maturity. Often our feelings lead us WRONG, so we have to put them aside and do what we know is right even though it is so hard sometimes.

What a riot!!!!!!....what a way to start my day.......

WTDN, listen very closely to what you have been told here......I am very sorry for your hurt......

not2fun

ps...and when you have this child that Pep talks about, you know the one who slams the door, takes the money, and call you horrid names,,,,well, remember your dog!!!!....

pss....Pep, my DOG has ruined MANY a good pair of my shoes.... ......

On second thought ....

... a dog might

I loved the movie Marley

I realized that after I hit "submit".

But, it's too funny, so it stays without an edit.

WTDN I agree with the others that you would be setting yourself up for a future filed with pain if you stay in this relationship. Do you want to be going through this same pain in the years to come? The pain will only increase if you decide to marry this guy.

Pepper's car analogy was excellent.

I quite agree......

Never saw Marley....might have to put that on the ol' Bucket List......

.....right back atcha

I agree with all of you that I should run far, far away. It's just very hard and I feel like it'll take time.

I really find this forum inspiring and it is filled with people who give good advice so thank you all.

I think I could not deal with the stress of having children right now (that's why I chose having a dog before children) and I thank God that I have not had children yet so they are not dealing with this horrific mess.

p.s. Marley was a great movie =)

WTDN, this will be tough to do, I think you realize that. But folks here will help you. The biggest mistake you could make is to wait for a FEELING to propel you into action. Because that won't happen.

You will have to put your feelings ASIDE and do the right thing. THEN, your feelings will follow your actions.

Feelings have no intelligence and no logic; be assured they will lead you wrong every time. This is one of those highly emotionally charged situations where your logic is the only one that can drive you out. Your feelings will have to get in the back seat.