I do not know what i can do. I am doing a degree on line so I can get a promotion on the job I am in. I have invested 5 years into this job and $17,000 for the degree on line. I took out a loan.
I live in a country where finding a job with a full contract as I have now at 45 is impossible. If I live I will not be able to sustain myself and after H left I only have my income to rely on.
I moved from the A apartment and have beeing living out of a suitcase going from friend to friend. I do not know what to do.
I could email H thru IM and ask him to schedule times at work when he goes to lunch to the cafeteria or when he plans to go to the restroom. But either than that I don't know.
blessing

Can you get a transfer?

The place is a private institution with no affiliates. If I move it will take me a couple of years before I can get a status here that will make me competitive in the job market. As far as it goes with the position I cover now..I am not as competitive as I will be after I get my degree and a couple of years of experience under the new job title.
Moving will kill my career severely.
blessing

You know Atena, when something doesn�t have a solution, it is not a problem. It just is what it is.

I can understand your situation, it�s sort of similar to mine.

I recommend you concentrate on yourself. Think of what YOU want to do for yourself. Make a list and start working on those things.

You cannot control anyone but yourself. You will eventually find yourself enthusiastic about something...

I have been in plan B for 5 years now, and I�ve barely seen WH a few times in all these years and yet do think of him everyday. Mainly with sadness because I hate the fact that he�s wayward and an adulterer, but I know I can�t do anything more about it.
But I have found peace and I now enjoy every minute of the day and the night. I have a lot of hobbies, I�ve met a lot of new people, I spend my time in things I really enjoy, in spite of all life�s complications (my mother has terminal colon cancer, one of my daughters was among the stranded in Peru last week, I have a job which is not at all gratifying at the moment, I haven�t been able to sell my house, etc).

Life is difficult, so we have to try to not make it more so.

Concentrate on yourself and your son.

I guess at some point all this will be a memory.
The thing is H does not look good. He looks ashen..gaunt...he constantly rubbed his eyes as if of lack of sleep, looked unkept...he is probably having lots of sex and booze...
I would like to shake him and tell him: what are you doing to yourself, to us???
Strange days have found us...
blessing

Atena,

you can�t do anything about it. Try to avoid imagining what�s going on in your WH�s life, because you are probably wrong, and it only makes you more anxious.

Try to do something new, different, by yourself or with a friend.

You are right, he is probably having a grand time and I imagine him miserable...I am so dumb.
I should get it by now...but still linger long on love street...you can tell I love the Doors.
blessing

I startedlearning greek last year and it became the highlight of the week!

Itwas interesting, challenging and fun. I�m very much looking forward to continuing again this year.

I speak 4 languages and would love to learn greek. Greece is the my favorite place. But things like those do not take my mind away. I have always studied in my life and I am taking my 4th degree now on line. I have friends and see people regularly...the thing is...you can distract yourself but you have to go thru the pain not around it. Every little thing help, that's true.
blessing

I didn�t mea that Atena. he�s probably not having a great time, but we won�t know that...

Waywards are so wrapped up in their own lies and denials that only they know what they are really going through. I�ve never seen a wayward here who will tell you that they had a great time while wayward... usually they say they weren�t having such a great time but couldn�t find their way out of the situation...

well I don't know if any of you guys ever read Eat Pray and Love by E. Gilbert. Her M obviously ended because of her A with David (even if she blames problems in the M..as and WS would). Well her description of how she felt during the A gives us a good picture of how a WS might feel. She felt suicidal and tried to kill herself. She was depressed and lonely even in the A and did not like herself. She admitted that after the exilarating first months the A was hell. But it took her a while to break it off. She difined it as an infatuation and later on in the book she said she was in love with David..but I think infatuation was more accurate.
blessing

That sounds pretty accurate. Did you ever see the movie "Unfaithful" with Richard Gere and Diane Lane? I think that movie is one of the best depictions of affairs I have seen. It is a fascinating movie. And it does not glorify affairs or make you sick with the typical display of moral relativism that exists in most movies.

I haven�t read that book and I don�t think I want to.

I�ve read some threads here by waywards and I really got the impression that they were suicidal, that�s why denial is easier for waywards, even when they are miserable.

You see, there is just no going back and deleting what they did. They carry it with them forever. That must be very hard.

this is also confirmed by a friend of mine with whom i recently reconnected thru FB.
She cheated on her H and left him. She ended up marrying her A guy but she said that after 8 years of her D she is just now starting to feel a little better. She has huge regrets about having left her H (which she said she will never admit to him) and she said that even if she is somewhat happy with her new A guy she knows her H is the only man who truly loved her.
She said that she had many times thought about suicide and that at the beginning when she first broke off her M the A did not help much to make her feel better. She had too much guilt but could not break off the A it was like an addiction.
Then her H re-married and had a tragic situation with his new W. So she felt guilty about that too...
What a mess...it is not worth it but they do it!
blessing

I also think your H's affair is not so much fun anymore since it is out in the open. The thrill of sneaking around is gone. Now he is faced with the reality of a whiny OW and her snot nosed brats.

Yes, he spent xmas with them and her mom. I found out thru a bill that arrived in the mail about a train ticket he bought xmas eve and the destination was the town where OW is from.
Her kids are a nightmare and if that did not put some doubts in his head then nothing will...

Oh, atena, I hate to see you having such a hard time...It is very very hard...I remember the first few months NOTHING distracted me. So I know exactly what you mean...I cried walking my son to school, I cried while he was in school, I had to set the alarm to remember to pick him up because I couldnt even keep track of time..

I was in a very very dark place. So I know exactly how you feel. But I can PROMISE you that it will get better, it will. It is so much better for me now. I rarely cry or even think about him much. Just hang in there. Just make it through every day as best you can and it will automatically just slowly get better, K?

Thank you!
At times I think I will never get over him. He is and was the love of my life. The thing that hurts most also, is the ease with which he erased me from his life and replaced me with OW.
He never loved me really otherwise it would be impossible to let someone go with such ease.
I will keep praying god for help.
blessing

Atena, are you catholic?

No, why?