I have a previous post on this forum. Its entitled WILL SHE EVER REVEAL HIM but it deals with my history of verbal abuse etc. I have put this title in to get responses to the immediate issue.
THE OM DIED Jan 12th. My wife with gentle persistence and a slip from her mother named the other man. Now my research shows phone calls going back at list 6 years. He was 60, married and with a very sick wife. He was my WW's stepfather's best friend.
There is no remorse. I was told I am sorry you are hurtnig. Of course PA deinied but that does not even matter.
I have been hurting since I taped her in her car telling a friend "I needed to feel good about myself. So I told myself, I am going to do it. So I went to him and I needed him then." Now I am getting the "we were just friends" etc. I called him when I was having a bad day etc.
Definitely an EA. Long term. I would have preferred a one night stand with no relationship. I have been asking who since the end of October.
She did not bond with marriage counseling sessions with Steve H but has offered yesterday for us both to go her counselor. I am considering leaving home for a while. We have a ten year old at home and a 17 year old stepson.
Do I say anything to any of them.
What do I do?

YOU DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME.

In some states that might be considered abandonment.

I don't know your sitch at all, so I can't comment on what to do next.

Where is your other post?

Definitely don't leave your home.
Stick to one thread.

How involved were they, really?
I mean, did WW show any signs of trauma a couple of weeks ago?
How is it that your snooping didn't "catch" OM if they've been involved for six years?

I haven't read any of your other posts, so I can only comment on what I see right here, and what I see right here makes me wonder if she was really involved with this guy.

Here's the other thread:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=158267&Number=2291722#Post2291722

hurtingturkey, I would not leave. You have more reason to STAY today than you did a month ago. I would not expect your wife to have remorse this soon after her affair ended. That is not to be expected at this point.

But at least now, your marriage has a chance since the OM is gone. The source of her addiction is GONE, which means she *MAY* sober up. Telling your kids about the affair will help in that regard.

I would tell your kids about the affair and its effect on you so they understand what is going on. Giving kids false explanations about turmoil in the family teaches them dishonesty. It will also have the effect of bursting your wife's illusion about her fantasy. [to a degree]

Also, the reason she didn't take to Steve is because she had something to hide. He is the LAST PERSON I would ever want to be around if I was hiding something. But she has nothing to hide anymore. She has no affair to protect. Taking your chances with a local marriage counselor is a major crapshoot because they have an 84% failure rate. They don't know how to save marriages.

Would she consider phone counseling with Steve's sister, Dr Jennifer Chalmers?

what melody said