AM, I am suggesting you ask Dr Harley WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. He might tell you to go into Plan B. Its up to you to protect yourself.

Your Giver just shut down from exhaustion.
Taker now driving the bus.
Which means, self care is in order.

Go do some self care.

AM, I'm reading along with interest, and I'm sorry for this dip in your R and that you have to feel this despair.

I don't mean to threadjack your thread, I just have a quick question.
The giver shutting down and the taker doing the driving ...... is this a normal stage of R, triggered by an event or not triggered?
I have been reading but I've not come across anything that is as relevant as how AM feels.
btw AM, my H won't post on the private forum either. Your H may already know the answer to a question to Dr. Harley, hence the avoidance.

Sorry to hear you are struggling AM. It's to be expected. A person can only take so much. You have been carrying the load for such a long time now. I think Pep is right on the money. Get some alone, self-pampering time. You need it and you deserve it.

Mindshare

Feeling better today. H and I posted together on the weekend thread, asking for advice. H said today that he finally understood the "death of a thousand cuts" from trickle truth. He said he did not tell me about the phone calls in Nov because he was afraid and ashamed.

He did not admit to "leaving the door open" with OW. That tidbit of information came from OWH. I will see what Dr. Harley and coach say next week.

In the meantime, I am trying to sleep enough and eat something. Last night I had a raging verbal angry outburst - physically and emotionally draining.

AM

AM,
Sleep is very important, according to the IC I had last year. Ambien, Simply Sleep, Tylenol PM.....

God bless and keep you.

GY

I'd believe the afraid part but not so much the ashamed part. Keeping you in my prayers am. Be good to yourself.

Well, the sun is shining where I live. I have been sleeping well and life is ok. We are doing the MB courses and for the first time, it is H who is suggesting we get out the books, read a chapter and work in the workbooks. For me, I am much calmer.

AM

AM,
You sound so good that I want to dance a jig and give you a big hug {{{{AM}}}}. I feel your pain and lows just as I feel your optimism and highs. I hope your H continues to walk the walk. You are a wonder, my cyber-friend.
GY

Well, a week later and it is too early to dance any jigs. I am barely hanging in there. We are working the program - to the letter.

We'll see about H walking the walk. Meanwhile, I am just waiting for the next item of trickle truth to ooze out.

AM

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{AM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

AM,
Hope you're doing well.
GY

GY,

Thanks for checking in. Things are going along ok. H and I are diligently working on MB courses and recording everything. So we finally have accountability for what we are doing. H is suggesting that we do the planning, get out our books, etc. He has made progess on the list of things I asked him to do in Nov. He wrote out his EPs and we talked about them. I asked him to include a couple other items and he agreed. He also made a list of people who have been hurt by his actions and has written letters to them. But he wrote the letters last week and has not done anything about sending/emailing them yet. H's IC has been talking to H about this topic so I am backing off.

We booked a cruise for spring break. It should be nice to go someplace warm. In the meantime, the skiing has been great

AM

Hi AM, have been thinking about you. Looks like you are back on track. It is a struggle I am sure.

My prayers are with you. Every time a M is saved it gives others hope. This MB program is a Godsend.

Blessings..

AM,
I'm glad to hear that your H is still taking the initiative with the MB work. My H and I pretty much stopped the lessons back in November, but Sandi kept after us so that now we are back on track. We actually did two lessons last week. H doesn't sleep well after we start examining the marriage. Although everything is good now, he gets so overcome with guilt that he tosses and turns most of the night.

The cruise sounds great. We made a bucket list of all the places we want to go in the future--now just to decide what to do first.

God bless you.

GY

Hi AM! Just wanted to check in and see how ur doing... I havnt been on here in a while but I'm going to update my post. I want to thank you for being such a big help and mentoring me through this past (almost) year of pain I've been through.

{{{{{AM}}}}},

I am so glad to hear this good news. I think the cruise is a wonderful idea and will do wonders for recovery!!!!!!.......

Not2fun

I am still being pretty cautious. I have been burnt so many times the last couple of years.

Today, I was feeling a little blue for no recent reason. H surprised me with some flowers and a nice note. It was nice and thoughtful.

AM

Hi AM! How have you been?

Hi AW,

Good to hear from you. Overall, things are much better. We are really working the MB program. I am cautious. Two years ago, when I started into this, I gave myself until April 17, 2010 to decide whether I wanted to stay in this M. At the time, it seemed an eternity in the future, but now it is right around the corner. The contact from last fall really set things back and I am still not sure I can be in an M where there will always be a vulnerability to OW.

This week has been strange. I thought something was going on. H finally mentioned that this week is the 7 year anniversary of the start of the war in Iraq. H was in the initial invasion and was triggered by news reports. He had been thinking about the things he saw and smelled during the first few weeks of the war, had some trouble sleeping. He reacted by being fairly withdrawn from me. I interpreted it as withdrawal from OW. Complicated stuff.

How are you doing?

AM