two years ago My husband cheated on me with 2 different women. One a close friend of ours and the other someone random he had met. He had lived a totally different life. I was pregnant at the time and I was the caring and loving spouse I could be. I did in fact have sex with him almost every day, but he still had an affair. The thing is was that with those women he swore his love to our friend and talked bad about me and the other woman didn't know anything about me or the pregnancy. 2 years later I can't even come close to even forgetting what had happened. I don't know where to begin, but he wont forgive himself, but i have. The only thing is is that I cant forget about it. Since I'm pregnant again with our second child It's like it came back up and he told me the woman he randomly met he did in fact have a whole other relationship with her. I don't know what to do.

nj: it sounds like you and your H have not really gone through the steps necessary to truly recover your marriage. I would start by reading the articles on this site that deal with recovery from an affair and then consider what changes need to be made to improve your marriage.

Has your H shown remorse for his As? Has there been any more contact with the OW?

It sounds like your pregnancy may be a trigger for you. You don't need that kind of stress.

Please start reading the articles on this site.

NJ,

How long have you been married?

So he lied to you about the random one and really did have a long term relationship with her? And he just told you this?

This revelation is like D-day all over again for you. That is why you can't forget about it, because it is fresh and raw again.

Plus being pregnant again is an emotional time anyway, so your triggers are more intense.

Have you discussed this with him?

kirk

I'm always intigued by the notion of so many BS's that they feel obligated to somehow forget about their WS's betrayal.

In spite of what you may have been taught as a child, forgetting a betrayal of infidelity is beyond the capacity of any BS. And rightfully so IMHO.

Forgiveness is a different proposition and also is misconstrued as something that must happen for R of a M to happen. Forgiveness is the RESULT of recovery, not the start!!

Happiness follows recovery, and recovery follows feelings, and feelings follow positive actions displaying trustworthy behavior over a consistent period of time.

Forgetting is not an option, but how you react to memories lies within the softness of your heart.

All Blessings,
Jerry

I really don't think its considered remorse in my book, but when i found out about the first time he cheated on me he denied it until i kept pressing the subject and he finally told me about it and after that we talked about it for an hour and then the next day he acted like nothing happened. When he came home from his leave he told me he was sorry and that was it. when I found out about the random woman he first denied it and i had her on the phone and he came out and told me about how they kissed and nothing else. A week later after that he came home from leave again apologized and never talked about it again. But I knew in my heart that he hadn't told me everything so i kept pressing the subject and finally this christmas when he came home from leave again he finally told me he had slept with the random woman and had an relationship with her. He left that night to go drink with his family and came back the next day to apologize. we talked about it for an hour and that was it. He never gave me the chance to express my feelings on the subject and still he doesn't. I try to talk to him about it but he won't.

We've been married for a year now but together for 3 years now. He lied to me about everything and I found out about it all on my own. i digged around in his email and facebook and myspace to actually find out about it. I do believe this pregnancy had trigged a lot of unresolved feelings and he hasn't been there physically or emotionally because he is in the marines. But all of his infidelities happened prior to when he left for boot camp. I knew about the random woman, but he finally told me the full extent of the relationship on christmas of this year. i've discussed this matter with him numerous of times, but yet to get any real feedback from him.