Girl is 4 and boy just 7. Boy has special needs and gets easily stressed. I don't and won't put them up to any such interaction with their father, but it doesn't matter. They see and hear thing anyway, question their father on it (including money) and their father tears into them. Screams at them because it's none of their business, or screams at them to tell me to stop "putting this crap in their heads". It never ends well when they get involved. Last time it happened, my boy threatened to burn his father's house down after my Ex tore in to him.

Anyway, the kids are in counseling and I am getting by one bill at a time. Still no child support or court date scheduled. And ex is still unemployed so I'm not sure if a court date will even matter. But as big as a concern that money is, the kids exposure to the OW, who lives with them during their visitation, and practically raising them without the ex, that's the part that kills me. Still working on dealing with that.

Ex has agreed to no contact with me under threat of law so at least I'm enjoying some much needed peace!

Your ex and mine sound similar except mine is a woman. I think she was really really angry with me because she was not getting her way. It seemed like I was dealing with a child at times. It's been 6 months since she filed, and I got the house, the kids, and child support.
She is out of my life, almost entirely. I takes some time, and there will be a lot of that, but I almost consider it some mental health problem on their part. I cannot for the life of me understand what the appeal of losing everything you have worked for, for a very long time is.
Most of the pull that I had came from a PI. It cost $1k but once you get temporary orders lined out, and they start to violate them and that PI is covering your back...it's shuts their stuff up REAL quick. I would recommend it, but I don't know if it will help unless he starts to challenge you in court. Even just get a friend with a video camera for that matter....
I would not drag my kids into any of this. It's not right I don't think, but some would say otherwise. I would tell his family and everyone I know that he is a deadbeat.
A good attorney can stipulate that the kids are to have NO contact with the OW, and that is what finally shut down my WEX's affair. If you know her name and address, that's it. A lot of this was set up for me in the initial orders from the atty. Tell them about your financial situation, and I'm sure that you can find someone who will work with you.

I guess I'd be documenting all the abuse and pushing legal to get him NO visitation, at least for now.

Update: After enjoying the relative peace and quiet of the "no contact" for a few weeks, my WH has hit me with a petition seeking full custody of our kids, contending I'm an unfit mother. Even after he left in the early days, he always contended I was the best mother in the world. I don't know how we got to this point. Says I appear intoxicated when he drops off/picks up, that he smells pot smoke from inside the house, and that I am failing to properly medicate our special needs son. We barely have had a breather from the last pile of crap he loaded on us that I had to pay good money to defend. There's a new fire in this nasty divorce every turn and it sinks lower each time. Oh, and despite the fact that we are on food stamps and he pays no child support while I am raising the kids, he contends that I am perfectly capable of paying HIM child support when he gets custody.

Meanwhile, I learned yesterday we have bed bugs and I have no money for an exterminator, and that my father has a large mass in his lungs.

I just don't know how much more of this I can take. This divorce just won't go away. And I have no fight left in me.

fells, this guy is now an enemy of your children. His attempts at hurting you has shown an absolute disregard for his children's well-being and he deserves no other chances.

I would work with your lawyer to remove his visitation rights. He thinks he can continue to bully you to get what he wants. Personally, I'd like to see this guy thrown in jail.

I get the feeling that a part of you still cares about him and believes that someone he'll change and go back to being the man you loved. Drop that thought as it's not going to help you in any way. Protect yourself and your children from him in whatever legal ways that you can.

Fells, have you documented his behavior over the past few months? The harassment and stuff? I know you have the police report. All of these things are going to work in your favour and the sooner this thing gets to court, the better.

Judges DO NOT like dead beat dads. The fact that he has not paid and he has withheld support will anger the judge. They also DO NOT like parents who badmouth the other parent in the presence of their children. It's part of parental alienation - one of the few things that will actually reverse a custody order.

Which brings me to my final point - judges DO NOT like to change the status quo. If you already have custody, the only way he can change this is to prove you are a danger to your children's safety. You wouldn't believe the conditions required to do this - they take pets away from better homes. Bed bugs are nothing and, in fact, extremely common.

What you can do is request less frequent visitation and/or supervised visitation. Tell the court YOU are afraid of your ex and the way he treats you and you want all exchanges either supervised or through a mediator.

fellspointmom,

Sorry to hear of your situation. Your ex sounds alot like mine. He is a bully and verbal abuser. He will do whatever it takes to make you feel as low as possible and if he has to use the kids to do it he will. I know it hurts and I know it makes you feel weak, but you have to muster up your courage and determination for your children.

My ex did alot of what your ex is doing to you and it did end up hurting him in court. I documented everything and when police reports were needed I made sure I had them. It felt like it was impossible at the time and as if I was the weakest person on earth. His words, actions, and constant game playing were very stressful, but I wouldn't let myself give up. His lack of self control hurt him in the end. My divorce was finalized this past summer. I was granted sole custody and visitation was to be on my terms. He thought he could bullsh*t the judge and she wasn't having it. He hasn't paid me a dime of child support so soon the probation office will crack down on him for that as well. In the end, what comes around goes around. You just can't give up and you have to do what is right for you and your children.

Stay strong and as the others have said document everything!

Thanks for the comments. They help.

I have kept a journal and have documented everything. I don't know if it will be worth anything in the end or not. I hear judges take just a few hours of consideration in divorce court before deciding your entire life. WH has used his "unemployment" (which occured just after the separation when he moved in with the OW), as his justification for not paying what he originally agreed to. I am told it pretty much blows collecting spousal support and lawyers fees (which he is very deliberately racking up) out of the water.

While I harbor some feelings for the man, I would never take him back. I just never thought that my husband, after announcing there was someone else and wanting a divorce, would continue to torture me like this. I am trying to stay strong, but there are times when the house is cold and I can't afford the toys or day trips that the kids enjoy with their father, that I feel I should just stop fighting. I don't want them to suffer any more. And quite frankly, I don't know how much more I can suffer through myself. I am very much trying to take the high road, not sink to his level, or ever deprive the children of their father more than they already are. But it's all so exhausting. As much as the thought of divorce terrified me going in, I never thought it would be this life-draining.

I'm off to take a drug test (voluntarily) to prove I'm not a pot head.

UPDATE: I took the drug test and have the medical records to prove I am properly medicating my special needs child. Upon learning that, my STBX charged me with being mentally unstable, insisted on a mental evaluation and that lawyers be hired to represent and question the children. Ugh.

The day before I finally got a exparte, because the day before that, he tried to kick the door down with my kids on the other side of it. (I was taking to long to get them ready.) As a bargaining chip in the proceedings, I agreed to drop the exparte in exchange for some very serious ground rules for contact. Unfortunately those ground rules apparently include loop holes so big that he is contacting me more than ever.

When we tried to get the court to agree to go an economical route for both the mental evaluation and the kids attorneys by going through family law centers, my husband, who is unemployed and not paying child support insisted on the most expensive lawyers money can buy, and didn't want to ask them to voluntarily cap their salaries or offer us other discounts! While the judge referred to his inability to pay us child support with "you can't get blood from a turnip", he agreed to let STBX liquidate our 401ks in order to pay for this, as well as husband's other living expenses. Can't believe how upside down this is all turning out. The judge said that money is no object compared to a child's wellbeing.

I am working my [censored] off, and tho on energy vouchers and food stamps, am starting to earn some wages again. He is intentionally not working, spending lavishly (I fully expect he is working under the table), and I look like the financially stable of the two. Feel like I am in the twilight zone.