I went to have coffee with the wife of my sons guitar teacher the other day. I have been talking to her for the past 3 months as her husband was involved in an affair with my x and she and I just found out about it a couple of months ago. I have been divorced for 3 years now and she is not divorced and going through a very rough time so I have been talking to her. I any case when my x found I for the first time that I was having coffee with her show wanted to talk to me. I found that odd and was wondering what she would say. I any case I didn't have time to call her and went to meet for coffee. She then texted me later and said she had a question she wanted to ask me and did not know how but wanted to know how a person regains the trust of somebody else after they have had an affair? Not only that she could see that 1 affair would be difficult but several would be very hard. She was implying that the husband of the friend had multiple affairs and my x only had one. Which is not true because I now know of at least three. Anyway the question threw me for a loop because she has not shown any remorse at all for what she did and now she asks this. Any advice?

Do you guys have children together? If so then you probably will have to endure this kind of stuff only because you need to remain civil but I really think its appalling that she would try to not only manipulate you while and at the same time you are meeting the other mans wife.

So she is trying to manipulate everyone still? you X sounds whacked.

I will be back shortly because I have to run out for about an hour but till then if you are on read this and see if maybe some of the things don't ring true about your sitch.
http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html

I know I saw my late wife there even though she had recovered a few times. I saw myself there too.

I will be back laterzz

Ok well, Now that WW is divorced from you she no longer has any business with your friendships with others. The personal advice we give to our friends is an area she has proven unqualified to distribute or partake of with you. She blew that out of the water when she had an affair. I would avoid this with her like the plaugue, and unlike the plaugue, you will not have the mercy of dieing from the pain she will agin hand to you.

As far as her intentions well it can't be good. She is telling her new BF,guitar teachers WH, that she only had 1 affair before? Well-well the chickens come home to roost don't they. This is why affairs hardly ever get past the selfish 1st couple of years of denial and escapism. Even if it was true that she only cheated on you it would be the same result The web of lies ppl tell themselves as they head into adultry is not a foundation for a long term relationship and they both had a part in it so let them implode/explode plode anyways and please don't get sucked into this because you want to be "The bigger person". The best thing you can do for her is tell her to seek counsel from someone who was not hurt by her,(Therapist/Shrink) and seek counsel from God who is not mortal and can forgive her and guide her. Maybe if she gets hit by a she will take responsibility for her actions and become a better person for it. If she didn't respect you B4 and she has the gall to interfere with your personal relationships now she doesn't respect you now. Any crap to the contrary is just that, more crap. I dn't care how boo-hoo and pathetic she sounds, its another trap she can blame you for later.

As far as guitar teacher goes, you can give her info so she can protect herself like, expose, spy on WH and get evidence for her possible upcoming D but hey, I can read between the lines here. She found out, She is pressing her WH about what relationships are supposed to be about, and WH, the cake eater, is forced to make a choice between your X and the teacher. Besides being this womans frind and clueing her in on the truth she should be off limits to you because... Your X will try to spin BS about how you are seeing teacher now and build that crap up in her PTs WH head so she can get him to trust her.

My advice is to read about what kind of relationships two betrayed spouses are supposed to have and then go into plan B again to spare you of this pain your X is again trying to deal out to you. If nessesary now you can contact a lawyer because she has no more right to talk to you. Again if children are involved, depending on thier age, be sure to tell them the truth if X involves them with her personal BS. I would even seek the counsel of a lawyer if the children are real young and impressionable.

So , are you OK? this is low that she is doing this to yu my freind. You deserve better, I hope you have support.

God Bless

I just read your other posts bro, I think a PI and a Lawyer are in order here. BTW be kind to yourself and take care of yourself. Staying away from her is the first thing. You are by far not to old to find someone again but you must be happy with yourself first. That will take time. Did you read that link I posted above? You are not alone my freind.

Hey. No I have not read the post yet but I will. I am totally alright. I have been divorced for 2 1/2 years now and I am learning to be single again and enjoy myself. Yes we have kids together so we are constantly communicating with each other. Its funny because people say that I get along with my x but its not that I get along with her I am only civil with her because of the kids. Anything I do is always because of the kids and sometimes she mistakes that for kindness to her. Although I am not a hateful person although I still feel bad for her when she struggles, I am not happy to see it, but she chose her own bed to sleep in. It is just odd that after several years of not bringing up anything really concerning our relationship out of the blue she asks this question.

I know man, It major sucks when you are dealing with ppl who act like they are still in high school and don't care about ppl really, past how they can manipulate and use them.

You have a good heart, read the link its a eye opener.
I will be honest, many of the behaviors you will see there are things many women know about but don't stoop to, and maybe they have done them in the past but grown up, just like men have to but like one postre has in the sig line. If it walks like a Duck, its a duck, feed it crackers,if its not, let the duck explain.

Sorry to have to tell you this but I will bet any money that What I just said again IS the reason why she is asking you about affairs and cheating. Shes losing her BF.

"She then texted me later and said she had a question she wanted to ask me and did not know how but wanted to know how a person regains the trust of somebody else after they have had an affair? Not only that she could see that 1 affair would be difficult but several would be very hard. She was implying that the husband of the friend had multiple affairs and my x only had one."

I don't see your WW implying that she only had one affair. Or that the OM had more then one PA.

I see WW feeling regret for divorcing you. She was implying that what she did maybe too hard for you to attempt recovery and looking to hear from you what is needed from a BH to want to recover.

Dialog for her to ask in general and for you to answer in general. This way everyone saves face by her not directly asking what you need to reconsider taking her back. And you answering in general you save face by saying all the MB things required without having to say this is what you must do for me to recover.

I would tell her one would have to be transparent, answer all affair questions, send NC letter, Not work with the OP if they met through work, GPS cell phone, all passwords, complete access to cell and computer, reveal all methods one used to contact OP, change cell numbers, block OP calls emails text's, call when one arrives at work and leaves work to come home, no going out alone for drinks with friends, counsel with the Harley's.

Not that they couldn't get back together again after a 2 1/2 year divorce road but I would be very careful about this.
Some women would not have any problem ping ponging around and just entering a relationship again with her X out of confusion and rejection from her affair partner.Thn only to later on to find an excuse to leave again.

Of course you do have a point road, Its been over two years and the A is dieing a natural death.



Either way point the guitar teacher,(BS), to MB so shecan get her marriage together and wal very softly while carryng a big stick. Slow and cautios. You have just started to learn how to be OK whilesingle and you don't need your heart ripped out again.

You are setting yourself up to be the OM in an EA or an RA. Send the BW guitar teacher to MB and keep your relationship professional.

So whats happening? Is WW wanting to Recover?