O.K. here is another thought I am having. So far my w does not want to read any of the info I have pulled from the marriage builders. She says she can't deal with it right now. Remember she is in total withdraw right now and involved with someone else. She will be out of town visiting family this weekend. I am thinking of sending some of the pertinent info over to her on a courier. I want her to read it, I think it will open her eyes. It may not stop her from doing what she is doing, but it will at least put some info in her hands.<BR>Is this a good thing to do or a bad thing to do ?

I would print out the pertinent information and keep it for her when she is receptive to reading the information. If she is visiting family, she won't take time to read it. Again, it will only serve to piss her off. You seem to be having a really bad day. I've been there/done that and wished I hadn't pulled some of the stunts I was pulling this time last year. It just justifies everything more in their eyes. Again -- hang tight.

MMW You seem so desperate today...Please calm down...I am worried about you...as Janie just stated your W might not be able to read all the stuff you send...discuss all these issues with her when she comes back...when its only the two of you...Just a few weeks ago I was as desperate as you...thought of a million things I wanted to do to have this insanity stopped...I have become more reasonable...please reason over this action...take care....

thanks people. How the hell do we find the strength ? I feel like each minute that goes bye is a wasted moment that I could be helping her and us. I feel like each moment I am not doing something she is drifting farther away and the farther away she drifts the harder it will be to get her back.

missing, my sentiments exactly about my wife. I can't tell from your profile if she is stillin your home, moved out, or how long she she has been in the affair? Based on my experience (wife 4 mths affair, 2 mths moved out), plan A works to at least get her to see you in a different light. I have a 3yr old, and have concentrated on meeting the family need, and I have been told my wife is very impressed by my actions. It may not be enough to get her back down the road, but I am planting seeds in her mind for when the fantasy wears off and her affair crashes. Also have been very nice on phone, sent her some cards, but otherwise just have been supportive and not judgmental. I gave her the SAA book by Dr Harley, with an inscription on the inside stating my love and desire to give us a chance to work on our marriage. I think it also planted seeds in her mind, she said she read half of it. She said she saw some similiarities in our situation, but still clings to her only reason not to give us a chance ("I never felt inlove with you, never had sexual desire/spart with you. Can't recover that feeling if it wasnt there".) Time does make it better. I have now accepted that her statements can not be totally true until her feelings/emotions from the affair have cooled off and until she goes thru some withdrawal from the affair. It may still be too late down the road, but it is our best shot in my opinion. Your best shot is not to do any lovebusters during this time, but to do plan A. Yes it sucks, but you know the pain will be there regardless of you actions (mean or nice), so try the nice route.

MMW -<P>The harder you push, the faster she'll travel away.<P>For a while avoid rubbing the info in her face and instead shower her a person that she enjoys being around.<P>Nobody likes to be around someone that is constantly reminding them of something unpleasant.<P>This is only a start -- but try it for a couple weeks and see if it doesn't at least produce a few small changes.<P>Paul

MMW--<P>Since you feel like you're going to crawl out of your skin with the stress...why don't you post what you want to say to your W, or the OM, right here? Vent away! Or practice your words to woo your W back. <P>I always find posting a stress reliever, and it keeps me busy for enough time to let SOME waves of emotion pass.