RedsWife,
Sorry he's still being a blockhead.
My wife & I never got to plan B, so I have nothing to offer on that, but am just bumping this up for the vets to see better.
Hang in there.

WH and I had a talk last night. He went back to saying he doesn't believe he's had an affair & has stopped reading SAA. H said that he wasn't happy with our marriage before all this started with OW. He never expressed his unhappiness to me because he thinks that's just not something you discuss with your wife. He says that he doesn't know why he was/is unhappy in our marriage since I'm attractive, don't withold SF, have a great personality and I can't rememeber the other things he said.

I told him that I believe Steve can help us with figuring out why H is unhappy but, before we can get into discovering things NC needs to be established with OW. And he needs to complete the assigned tasks in writing NC letter and developing a NC plan. He says he understands the purpose of the two assignments but doesn't see the point. He especially doesn't see the point in sending the letter via snail mail vs. email. I personally am more comfortable with snail mail because the way the two of them communicate most times is through email so I feel like the NC letter should arrive in a manner less familiar to them. If that makes sense at all.

We have another appointment with Steve coming up later this week. Hopefully he can help with this...

I forgot to say thanks for the response GO. Good luck to you and TWC in your recovery, you two (along with the others here) are an inspiration.

This is what my H said when there had been recent contact. How are you snooping on your H? Do you have a VAR in the car, do you have access to his emails, cell records?

There is a section in this forum with all posts broken down by section, under the "Plan B" I think there are some PBL links. Have you seen that yet? I will try to get you the link...

ETA: Found the link, scroll down to "Plan B" Notable Posts

Thanks SusieQ! H mainly contacts OW while at work. I do not have access to his work emails or phone calls. I do check his perssonal computer activity and cell records. I hadn't put VAR in the car since he doesn't talk much on his cell phone. I will look into getting one so that if he gets or has a secret phone I can catch that. I'm also looking into getting software that records his text messages as I know he has talked about OW to one of his friends over text before.

Thanks for the link, I will read through this later when I have time.

I am so glad that I posted details of our conversation here. I have a poly set up for Friday and will see if possibly the tester can add a question about whether he has had recent contact with OW.

I just thought about another question. I know that usually in Plan B the WS is asked to leave the home. I know that WH will not leave so I am planning to just pack DS and my things and leave the letter for him to find. Im going to stay with family but, how much of my things should I take?

I hate having to plan to leave and never thought it would come to this...

RW,

You are doing good. Keep executing your plan. No LB's and a strong Plan A. Show WH what a strong woman you are.

Susie might be on to something with contact. It seemed like he was starting to turn a corner (admitting A, etc.) and then he pulled back again all of a sudden. That is a classic symptom of contact with OW.

Can you post your list of Q's for the poly? Many people here can help you with these if you need it. Is WH still on board with taking it?

Mindshare

WH is still on board with taking the poly. I am supposed to call the examiner and to tell her our back story. She knows that I want to find out if WH has done anything physical with OW. I don't have the specific questions yet. Once I get them (I assume she comes up with them?) I will post them.

I will take any suggestions of questions for the poly. I'm hoping that she can also ask if he has had any contact with her recently. Supposedly the last contact was made on Jan. 14

I feel like I'm not doing well but I'm going to keep trying. I'm not sure what will knock some sense into this man.

One more thing, you can install flexispy on iphones, it has a package with all the bells and whistles ~ phone tapping, gps, keylogger, etc....or just bare bones keylogger. Just thought I would throw that out there.

I had forwarded to my sister by email a list of Qs that were compiled by Schoolbus for another poster here going for the poly. I think it was lost in the crash, but I will try to see if I can find it or if my sister held on to it.

Lastly, can you tell us more about this OW? Have you confronted her? Did you talk to her boyfriend?

H has a BB, I looked into flexispy but I was told that it would not record BB messenger conversations. So I was going to see if there's an option out there that keeps track of texts and BB messenger. Although if the flexispy for BB has keylogger it wouldn't matter. I want to get something installed before this week is out.

I confronted OW way back in 2008 when they first began their friendship. She stated that her intentions were pure and she didn't want to be the cause of discord in our marriage. Which was all a lie considering how a week later H was at her house. He told me he was there watching TV! That's laughable... She had a meeting with the Pastor at our church and lied to his face about their involvement. She then proceeded to send me another email telling me I am causing too much drama and she will never even think about, breathe on or talk to either me or H (again a lie!). She's just moved 3 horus away in November to take a new job since she was laid off last year. She didn't have a BF when she and H began their relationship but has since acquired one. H says they mainly talk about her BF. I did some investigations and found out who her BF was and sent him an email. I now have found his phone number and wish that I had called instead. He read the email 4 times on Monday, I know this because I put an email tracker on it. BF did not reply to my email. I was expecting backlash to come from it but so far all has been quiet. That's really all I know about OW. If I could find her mom's name and information I would let her mom know what is going on. From reading OW emails to WH she respects her mom's opinion a lot.

I have not confronted OW recently altough I have wanted to.

I wish that back then I had known about this website because I did many things wrong with LBs and all that.

I've exposed to WH parents, siblings, co-worker, our friends, and my family. none of this has seemed to bother him. His dad and mom both called him to tell him how disappointed they were in him and to make it right but so far nothing...

The guy across from me is calling to check on his wife...that just made me want to cry :-( I wish I had a husband who cared...

WHOA !
Please add this and necessary details to the spying thread (link)

Mucha gracias.



LINK

Pepperband, will do!

Redwife, IDK why I thought your H had an iPhone, oops! I think you are right about the BIM issue, I have a friend who said the same thing. Shoot!

After I wrote my post I thought to myself "duhh why don't you just do a search online to see if you can find out her parents' name". I found a few possible phone numbers and addresses should I call OW family? Since she doesn't have a H and the BF didn't respond I'm not sure what to do.

I just want to reclaim what is mine and work on our marriage. I want to do what ever it takes to kill this affair.

Also if I call OW parents, what do I say to them? The same thing I basically said to BF? Which was basically that this has been going on for almost 2 years. I love my H and want the affair to stop.

RW, I need to do my due diligence and read your whole thread. I will try to do it tonight after I put my son to bed.

But yes, if you think there is still contact and you never exposed to OW's family, that may be a good idea. If you can find her on FB, and her parents are on there, you could even expose to them that way. I know ML has written some good FB exposure letters for the parents to other posters. Do you want me to try to find one for you? Hopefully some others will chime in.

Hang in there!

WH has created a no contact plan, should I post what he wrote here? I believe he was working on the no contact letter last night however our son woke up and he tended to him. So I'm expecting he'll get it to me today.

I'm still working on Plan A. Pepper and Fred really got my but in gear with that last week. I'm thankful they did because Plan A has helped me to see where I need improvement.

Taking it one day at a time...

Last thing, Is all of this back and forth is a normal wayward pattern?

OK, I thought of one more thing. Yesterday I noticed on FB that OW posted on a mutual friend's page saying that she was gone for a while but now she's back. So now I'm going to have to find out if she's moving back to our town and thus coming back to our church or not. I can't see her page so I'm unsure of what my friend posted on OW page to prompt that response.

RW,

I had a list of Plan A stuff I read every day to keep myself on track, have you read up on things like Mr. W's do's and don'ts? I can post that stuff for you if you like.

Yes, it's so normal for waywards to remain very "foggy" while there is any contact at all and even into w/d. My H's behavior while there was still contact was so baffling to me...hence the need for reading my Plan A notes before almost any interaction with him...so that I wouldn't "react" to it...

I was looking at the "OW was a Friend" thread and there is some info about exposing OW that I think could help you. ---> LINK

Please post your H's NC plan!