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Married for six years, been together eight years. Husband left for OW and his child (before we were married) and we have been separtated for eight months. We are a blended family of five. He has been in contact with me this whole time of separation(eight months)and wants me to make him dinners(he will pay me!), SF's every two weeks and now do his taxes. Wont' come home though! If I don't answer his texts he will call my office! HELP!!!!
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Slow down, IHT! What do you want help with doing?
If he is living with someone else, why are you even listening to requests to cook, and why are you having sex? He isn't making you do these things. Why don't you just stop?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Posts: 17
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I did about a week ago and he is being relentless on contacting me at work now. I don't answer. He says he is just staying there to have somewhere to go. He never had a place of his own before we were married. He's 38. Yea, big clue right?
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Joined: Oct 2009
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I personally think you should change the title of this thread to "My Husband is Using Me."
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Joined: Jan 2010
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Good idea. I was brought up to turn the other cheek but it is not working. So I have started to ignore his texts and calls and just PRAY. I don't know what else to do.
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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What specific help are you seeking?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 17
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I want my marriage to work out. He tried to do the "Love Dare" on me for about a month last September and the OW found him visiting his own wife and had words with him. He hasn't tried very much since but he sure wants to keep in contact with me. Don't most WH do the opposite? That's why I'm confused.
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Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Are you saying that you let him live there with her, and go over to you for sex (and food), because you were trying to get him back?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Posts: 17
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I guess so. Reading things here I thought that was a Plan A.
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 134
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Tell him, come home, dump OW, no contact with her forever, and work on your marriage. You are allowing him to cake-eat and its got to stop!!!
If he refuses, send him a plan B letter, no contact with you (except thru an intermediary) and change all your contact information, even work.
Take charge of this situation now.
ME: 45 FBS
FWH: GloveOil 43
D-Day 1/7/09 (A: 10/08-1/09)
DD: 16
DS: 12
Married: 19 years
In love for 24+ years and counting!
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He has a child with her (9 years old). How does he do NC with her? There has ALWAYS been contact with her for little league etc. UGHH!!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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I did about a week ago and he is being relentless on contacting me at work now. I don't answer. He says he is just staying there to have somewhere to go. He never had a place of his own before we were married. He's 38. Yea, big clue right? Time for Plan B!! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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That's what I'm feeling but not sure how it works? If I cut off all contact how will I ever know if he turns around and is sorry?
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Melody,
You recovered! How did you do it? I think my WH is the most selfish and using person in the world!!!
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I did tell him last week that I was through playing this game and he text me and said, "Just because I don't call, doesn't mean you aren't in my thoughts, dreams and prayers. Stay beautiful and I really want to see you soon. Luv you.
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Wait, wait, wait! Was he married to her first? Or was it a relationship that produced a child and then you showed up? I'm so confused!!
ME: 45 FBS
FWH: GloveOil 43
D-Day 1/7/09 (A: 10/08-1/09)
DD: 16
DS: 12
Married: 19 years
In love for 24+ years and counting!
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Was he ever legally married before?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 17
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No, he was never married before.
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That's what I'm feeling but not sure how it works? If I cut off all contact how will I ever know if he turns around and is sorry? Well, he can tell your intermediary and she can DISCERN his sincerity.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Have you read Surviving an Affair? You might want to study up on Plan A and Plan B.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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