Never protect a wayward from the consequences of their actions.

This is one of the most profound things I have read in a long time.

Do exactly what these folks are saying. Tough love, standing firm. Waywards are the most selfish, center of the universe, blame-shifters on the planet. They have to be hit with the sh*t after it hits the fan to wake up. I know; I used to be one.

Update -
I advised WH a few weeks ago that he needed to move out if he continued to see OW. OW then began helping him look for a place. She found a place and WH says he has a lease to sign. He has been putting it off. WH told me today he feels like he is losing his mind and has a gun on both sides of his head. He is feeling pressure from her to leave his family and pressure (though not as pressing since I have been doing plan A) from me and likely from his own conscience to break it off with her and remain at home.

So what is the plan?

I don't know what his plan is. I know she is pressuring him and I know he feels obligated to her, which is crazy since he is legally and spiritually obligated to me. I also believe he knows it is wrong as he has called her "short term gratification" and has admitted he doesn't think it would ever work and that he knows he would want to come back to me and his chilren.

My plan is to force him to move out if he does not move out himself and he doesn't stop seeing her and commit to the marriage and to getting drug and alcohol counseling.

Push him off the fence by exposing. He'll straddle that fence for as long as you let him. You have the power to end your husband's affair, but you need to exert that power. We told you what you need to do. It's up to you to do it.

Do you realize my WW cut off all contact w/ OM just 5 days after I exposed. I had been putting up with her and OM for about 3 months prior. I exposed, and boom, it was over, just like that.

Ok, he has not stopped seeing her and has not moved out and has not committed to the marriage. So now you are to the force him out stage.

What is your plan for that?

Have you spoken to an attorney at all?

Do you have any sort of cold, hard evidence such as emails about the drug use?

Forjandl
Please listen to all the people on here EXPOSURE is the only way at this stage, yes he will get mad, yes he will throw a huge hissy fit after all your taking away his candy and he is acting like a 2 year old so how else is he gonna react.

Today first thing Tell his work, tell your family and I would even go as far as telling his work about the drugs because thats something they would definitley do something about.

At the moment he is ABLE to make excuses for himself because your the only one he has to make excuses to, once all your friends, family and his colleagues and boss know about what he is up to he wont be able to talk everyone round and thats another reason why EXPOSURE is a wake up call. In his case a way overdue wake up call but a wake up call the same.


If your worried about others ability to forgive him as you stated then thats an incentive for him to get his act together and earn that forgivness it is not your responsibility to clean up his mess. you promised to love him and stand by him not to clean up or hide his mistakes thats not what a marriage is about.


When i did my exposure i was terrified but the thought that helped me through it was simple but effective - Whats the worse that can happen?? and is it as bad as what im living with now?? the answer to the second question is no. Even in the worst possible scenario of him leaving you it still not as bad as you sharing him and hoping for the best. There is no good outcome if you dont ACTIVELY do something about his behaviour right now.