Here's another thought (can you tell I'm screwed up today). Are we all idiots ?<P>Why are we so messed up ? Why can we not move on when people sh-t on us ? Does it ever really amount to anything better. Can you ever really regain what you once had ? Can you ever respect that person again or are you just making do ???? We may still love them but will it ever be good again for either party ?? Why would we want to continue with damaged goods ? Having asked all that - Why can't we let go ? Is it because we cannot except failure ? Is it because we think so much of ourselves or are worried about not finding anything better ?<BR>Are we embarrassed because we were so blind we didn't see it coming even though we were warned ?? Better yet, is there really an answer ?????????

We all have those feeling and ask ourselves those questions. I came to the conclusion that I contributed somewhat to the affair by not meeting his needs nor communicating that he didn't really meet mine either. Also, my H isn't himself and depression plays a part in this. It doesn't make it any easier to swallow and there are times when I have these thoughts. When things were really bad I did feel like a doormat. We have progressed to a friendship, so I view that as somewhat a success. Hang in there and pray a lot.

<I>Why are we so messed up ?...</I> it's not us... it's our spouses!<P><I>Why can we not move on when people sh-t on us ?...</I> we love them!<P><I>Does it ever really amount to anything better?...</I> maybe!<P><I>Can you ever really regain what you once had ?...</I> we all hope... without hope we're dead.<P><I>Can you ever respect that person again or are you just making do????...</I> it has to be earned/rebuilt... that means work.<P><I>We may still love them but will it ever be good again for either party ??...</I> It could be better! They will have a more emotionally fullfilling spouse... you might get one back too!<P><I>Why would we want to continue with damaged goods?...</I> The healing of the damaged goods last a lifetime + (the afterlife)<P><I>Having asked all that - Why can't we let go ? Is it because we cannot except failure ?...</I> NO!<BR><I>Is it because we think so much of ourselves...</I> No!<BR><I>or are worried about not finding anything better ?...</I> No!<BR><I>Are we embarrassed because we were so blind we didn't see it coming even though we were warned ??...</I> No!<BR>... because our relationship was the best thing to happen to us.<P><I>Better yet, is there really an answer ?????????...</I> look inside... find your God...talk with Him/Her...not all your answers are HERE... especially not mine. <P>Jim<P>---------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

Love... Commitment... Fear... Our own sense of "right" and "wrong"... All of the above...<P>Can a marriage get past it? Absolutely - provided your spouse wants it, too. It takes two. But it's up to the betrayed as to how long to wait around for the wayward one to come to their senses - not that that is a conscious decision. I, for one, could not live with myself had I not done <I>everything</I> possible to live up to the commitment I made all those years ago. But, it takes two. Sometimes I wonder how <I>he</I> sleeps at night... But that really doesn't matter, does it?<P>None of us are/were idiots. The reasons are irrelevent. There are no winners; there are no losers. There is only growth, and that is never easy.<P>------------------<BR>Bobbie<P>