Yea sounds like she is going off the deep edge and trying to lay some traps for you, even if they are weak ones. Who knows, with proper presentation her 'ammo' may be legit to a judge?

If you want to recover you don't go out to dinner for four hours on a Saturday night, and come home in the am either.

Plan A is not about giving it good as you have gotten from your WW.

GREAT POST, PEP!!!....

Wouldn't you agree that PMC is the nearly the same as Plan B???....

Pat,

Why, for the love of God, are you NOT in Plan B??....

This was recommended by EVERYONE. As soon as she was arrested, and instilled violence, THAT was the time to go to Plan B.

YOU are hampering her fall. You love this woman so much you don't want her to hit rock bottom. I get that, I was like that too. The only problem with that, is the WS doesn't get a chance to feel the full consequences of their actions. She can go ape-[censored] on you at any time, what is stopping her???...So she gets arrested, its not like YOU are going to press the charges. Not like YOU are going to get the RO against her. Its not like she is going to SEE just how bad her actions are.....

And as far as the children being "resilent" from watching this, boy, you are in your OWN FOG. This will leave a scar on the FOREVER!!!!....I can STILL tell you about the violent outbreaks my mom had as a child. I can tell you how now, 20 yrs later, my sister is going down that same path....

TAKE A STAND.....BE THE MAN YOUR WIFE AND CHILDREN NEED YOU TO BE RIGHT NOW...

And being this does not include going out to dinner and leaving your children with her.....you essentially are telling HER (and them) that it was okay what mommy did...

sheeshhhhh...

not2fun

Okay, I appreciate all the advice, but me going out for a few hours is not abandoning my kids (they were in bed) and I don't see a problem with escaping the crazy that is my life if only for a moment. As for Plan B....I NEED TO BE WORKING!! I have more or less moved upstairs and avoid her as much as possible. I am still cordial and nice, but she is now aware that I have limits and will leave. She is extremly pissed about the arrest. There is no getting around that and there is no talking right now. Best thing is to avaoid her when she is angry and that is most of the timee right now. She doesn't want this marriage to end and my patiance and ability to withstand her abuse is close to an end. Let nobody believe if the job situation was good that I would have allowed this continue. Right now I have two kids to care for. I have an all out job search going. The affair and all the other crap is secondary right now. She is not seeing him so the exposure worked (mostly) I know what you are saying about removal from the house, but I disagree that this is what's best. There has to be a point when you say I gave my best, now look ahead and care for your kids. I remove myself from arguments. I be nice and stay composed. I get a job and I care for my kids. If it ends the marriage so be it. But I will not continue to be subjected to scorn and abuse from anyone. Ya, my "love Bank" is about empty. There has been so much damage done....arrests, exposure, humiliation and scorn.....It aint over till it's over, but the fat lady is warming up her vocal coards.

This isn't going to look good for you in a court case if you were to use the fact that you should have custody because you fear what your WW might do to your children. Waywards who are desperate would be known to do desperate things.

You dodged a bullet that night when she was arrested, and WHY? Because YOU LISTENED to the advice you got on here to get yourself a VAR and record her. If not this would have been a totally different sitch. You have to realize that you can not go back and change what you did, but you can learn from your mistakes and not repeat them.

Everyone on here is trying to help you protect yourself and your children. If you can also get sound advice on how to do it while also having a chance to turn your M around, then why wouldn't you listen to it?

You have all of the information at hand that can help you develop a GRAND PLAN. Whichever way you choose to go is up to you, use the advice to get you closer to that which you seek.

Thinking of you and yours.

Oh, sure, you're going to say her being removed from the house isn't the right thing to do.

What're you going to do when she abuses one of your children?

I'll get fried for this but it HAS to be in your mind. If she abuses your children now, it will be because YOU DID NOT PROTECT THEM.

How do you think the kids will feel when they realize daddy knew how mommy was and didn't protect them?

"but me going out for a few hours is not abandoning my kids "

"If you want to recover you don't go out to dinner for four hours on a Saturday night, and come home in the am either.

Plan A is not about giving it good as you have gotten from your WW.

To have a healthy marriage you have to act healthy

Going out to dinner without your spouse on any night especially a Saturday night is not acting healthy.

"I don't see a problem with escaping the crazy that is my life if only for a moment."

Your fogged up as any WW can be.

Walk around the block, wash the car, tend to a hobby in the garage, yard work. These are acceptable steam releasing activities.

Going out solo on any night for dinner and drinks is not.

Plan B Go to court and tell them you are afraid and use the violence she has allready done along with whetever makes you scared now to get her out. Bring up her affair, Ask her Dad to stand with you. Pi$$ her off and get her out so she can have a fit and fall in it.

She is gonna scrw you Pat, You can't plan A her its past that. Its now time for her to get her head examined.
Then when she stops being a scheming witch, yes witch, you might have a chance of recovery.

If she is gone from the house and has supervised visits with the kids you have a chance to recover, anything less is just cruelty to an emotionally disturbed women and her kids and you are the only one who can change it.. so.. do it and stop letting this go on

Do we need to get Pariah back over here posting his recordings?

Because with patriot's head buried in the sand, I'm worried for him...that his WW might go to those lengths.

I don't know you and you don't know me. I will tell you this...keep those type of opinions to yourself. IF I thought there was the slightest chance she would hurt the kids, she would be gone. There is no chance of that happening and for you to suggest otherwise makes you an idiot. She is mad at me, not her kids.

And I'm tell you there are people who have KILLED THEIR KIDS to get revenge at their spouse.

Do you just not want to hear what could happen if you ignore this time-bomb?

Pat, you don't EVEN want to know what just happened about 20 miles away from me to two kids whose parents were splitting up. Let's just say he wanted to hurt his WW, and he knew that killing HER wouldn't hurt her.

My father is frequently very angry at everything in his life.

Does he dump it on his friends? No.

His girlfriend? No.

ME! Because I am a "safe" place to dump his anger and if he does so there are no consequences.

Because I am "his child" and therefore have no right to defend myself. At least in his mind.

DO NOT let yourself think your kids are safe.

interesting this crowd is slapping the BS around.

Pat has shown good instincts and has been doing things quite quickly. Most BH are still in denial at his stage.

I would trust he knows the landscape and climate of the home situation -

I see no issues getting out of the nut house for a few hours -

Pat

2 concerns -

1.) her job is in jeopardy which will change the dynamic of this situation. Not sure what can be done with it.

2.) She is gathering her evidence and may be planning to get you on false accusations. Be very very aware and careful.

MANY a BS(including myself) have been hit with 2x4s when we did something wrong. I don't see a problem with it and I don't think anyone was being cruel. They were just telling him the possible consequences of his actions. Just like when they gave him advice on the VAR(which thankfully he listened too and followed marvelously).

My IM was telling me that her son, who was a SAHD to his successful Nursing school teacher wife, had this sitch happen to him. His wife was the one abusing him but when the police came she cried DV. He was taken out in handcuffs, thrown in jail and hasn't seen his sons in 8 weeks. He has to go to court to get SUPERVISED 1-2 hour visits. She had the A and she abused him and he has to get the supervised visits and live on his friend's couch. NUTTY but TRUE

Patriot is in denial about the lengths his crazy WW will go to. He does not see that he's pretending a time bomb does not exist.

I am not seeing how he is pretending there is no "time bomb"

In less then 2 or 3 weeks - he has fully exposed the affair far and wide - which may cost his WW her job - the family only means of income at this time, has put a mortal wound if not final nail into the affair, elicited help and support even from the WW parents, protected himself from abuse and had her arrested and thrown in a cell for the night.

I am seeing someone who has moved quick and seems to have his head in the right place. This is difficult crap and there is enough difference in stitches to allow some flexibility in the "cookie cutter" approach.

His WW is off the chart emotional wreck - but isnt that a normal response to what she has endured with her fantasy being destroyed and a night in jail? I figured either she would be angry or she would be a mascara dripping remorseful WW. So far her actions aren't much different than expected. In fact I am surprised she didnt take off for Dallas once freed to her OM.

But again I will say that he must NOT keep his guard down. She is no dummy and will seek a way to get the upper hand. Still not sure why she doesn't want a divorce-what did she expect from her actions or is this way to get his guard down? I am confident that Pat knows the situation and if he has doubts will ask for advice.

I am far from in denial. I understand what you are saying and again, if there was any danger to my kids I would have them removed immediately. Yes, she is mad, VERY mad about jail, who wouldn't be. Does she blame me...of course. Did she have any responsibility in it, of course not. The advise you all have given has been priceless.....REALLY. But I am hear and I am telling you there is NO CHANCE the kids are in danger. Are they having to endure more than they should in the way of emotional strain....yes. I am trying to minimize that by leaving when things appear to be escalating. Not for long, a 20 minute drive then I come home. When there in school, maybe a couple hours. I understand what you all are saying, but my head is on strait now and I am thinking very clearly. I will continue on the program to try and fix the marriage, but I am fully prepared to leave if need be. She knows this and is scared that will happen. The camera and stuff is all chest pumping. There is nothing there and she knows it. I listen to the talk and move on. I make no appologies for going out for 4 hours 1 night and accually having a good time. I have stopped talking to others about this as I feel the time has come to see what happens and not stir the nest for a while. She has shared her phone showing no more contact. I get the name of the hotel and all when she is out of town and that's a start. Considering where we were 3 weeks ago, it's a giant step.

Ok Pat you are in charge. Keep the recorder running and watch out for plotting females.

Rooting for ya, I hope you both get marriage counselling underway soon so thier is a balanced mediator between you both that might build up a relationship you both can trust again.

Maybe I missed it but have you guys tryed the Doc H? Or is WW not interested at this time?

You leave when things get rough?

Shouldn't she be the one leaving?

You don't know that the kids aren't in danger. You never know when they are with a person who is prone to a violent fit like your WW is.

I'm rooting for you, but I'm also afraid for you. Keep that recorder on you.