This is my first time writing here and I feel so exhausted! I found out in June 09 that my husband of 8 years (20 together) had lied to me and not listened to me about my feelings towards the OW and not to be alone with her at work. Sure enough my gut instinct was correct and after hiring a PI I discovered he had been having an affair for 4 (so he says) months. What hurts so much is how he tried to say I was paranoid and crazy to think such a thing and to treat me so badly, only to discover I was right all along.
He finished with her immediately and part of me believes him as he is a family man and realises how much he hurt me, but I can't believe she would let go so easily (even though she is married with 3 kids - they were supposed to be friends). How he could humiliate me really hurts.

I'm trying to move on after the initial converstion with lawyers etc... but I can't forgive. Now he's exhausted of me and my mood swings and in some ways I feel happy to push him away but in others, I just want him to cry and say he would die for me and wants me more than life itself. But I think he's too selfish to ever say that.
We are seeing a MGC (but we actually had been seeing her for a short time when he decided to start the affair) so not sure of the point. Still very confused and need to know if it's truly worth staying in this relationship for the right reasons mainly me and not our 3 small children?

Has he ended all contact with her and left that job?

Have you notified her husband of the affair?

EKL, listen up:

Have you & your husband read the book "Surviving an Affair"? If you haven't, and if you do nothing else, read this book, together with your husband.

My wife & I were very fortunate (especially I) that our MC instructed us to read this book 13 months ago. It helped me get headed out of my wayward fog, it helped us as a couple to see why & how affairs happen, and it helped us to better understand how to relate to one another & make our marriage better than it had been before (and better than I thought it could ever be again), to the point where we feel like we know how to keep this kind of mess from ever happening again. It helped me to begin to realize & see my earlier selfishness.

Welcome to this site. You are not alone, as a matter of fact, I feel the same way that you feel. My husband too is overwhelmed by my mood swings and angry outburts. It's normal, but doesn't make it the best way to handle your problems. Just know that this will take time, you will have some good minutes and some bad. Notice I didn't say days yet. Right now I go from minute to minute. Hang in there, if you feel your marriage is worth saving and fighting for, then I advise you to go for it. As long as there is no contact with the OW and all parties involved know the affair took place.

If you haven't already exposed this A to OWH then that needs to be done. He has a right to know and it helps to have another set of eyes on them.

You are still fairly early in your R(it's only R if there is NO CONTACT) so your emotions are still all over the place. Anger was the worst for me and took the longest to let go of. And I'm talking several years here. So go easy on yourself a bit in that area. You have a right to be angry. Just try to remain calm and express your anger without yelling and screaming.

I'd recommend giving the Harleys a call. They do counseling over the phone and are well worth the fee. You will benefit more from one session with them then 10 with your neighborhood MC.