I'm totally new to this forum. I am still having a lot of trouble getting over my husband having an affair over a year ago. I feel like this was more for me to deal with than any average affair. He had this affair with a woman he claims to have met at Narcotics Anonymous. Where he met her doesn't really matter. But after I did some investigating on this woman, it turns out she was a big porn star in her day. When he had the affair with her, she was past that career, as she was in her early 40s and he claims that he was giving her money because she had MS and really needed the money. Well, he gave her thousands of dollars during that 4 months span that he was with her. I was suspicious that something was wrong for a while, but when I found a cashier's check made out to a woman who's name I didn't recognize, I knew something was up. Before this affair began, he had always managed our finances so I really wasn't on top of it all. With both of our incomes, we made a very comfortable living but a few days before pay day, we had practically nothing in the bank. He would come up with all of these excuses. I put him through school so he could make that kind of money and he was new to his profession, so I really felt like this was a major slap in the face! Getting over an affair is one thing but when he gave her thousands of dollars of our money, that's something else. And it's still very hard for me to think about him with a porn star. Why would he fall in love with a woman like that? I know it sounds like I am being judgmental about people in the porn business, but why my husband? He claims that he loved her. I saved a cell phone recording that she left with her telling him she loves him and I listened to this recording over and over. I shouldn't have done that because now I hear her voice over and over in my head.
Then, a few months later, after we had reconciled the relationship, he lost his license to practice in his profession due to a drug test. He then went 10 months without a job before he got his license back and found a new job. Now, he's on probation and has to do group drug therapy as well as AA meetings regularly etc.
Ok, so he's made a real come back. He's really trying to be a good father and husband. I love him. He's my best friend and I can't imagine life without him. But we haven't had sex in months. I don't want another man but I can't seem to feel any romance for him. How long will this go on? I've gained weight and I keep thinking I'm old and past my time to feel real passion for a man. I'm only 48 and I'm not that overweight...when I look in the mirror I see an attractive woman but I just don't see myself as sexually attractive in any way. I've just cut myself off from that.
So can anyone help? Some of my friends say I'm crazy to stay with him. But it's so complicated. He takes good care of me and he's a great father. Help!

I'm going to notify the mods to move your post over to Surviving an Affair, that's where you really should be. Good luck.

That skanky woman was a predator and your husband was her meal ticket.

I guarantee you she does this often and has zero remorse as she hates men.

I'm sorry to hear of this. I think that maybe this woman is giving him some attention, and the newness of it is exciting to him. I am not giving him a reason to cheat, but this is probably the reason for doing so.

You have to make sure NC is in place before anything good can happen. Do not trust what he says, because he will lie about anything that has to do with her to try and regain your trust.

You both probably need a nice vacation away with just some time to yourselves. Remember what he likes, and both of you should try to focus fully on one another.