I am in a real jam right now and dont know what to do.<BR>When we first got together Five years ago my husband told me that his fantasy was to be with two women at the same time. Well I just disregarded it as every mans fantasy and forgot about it.<BR>After my husband and I were together a few years one of my friends told me about a swingers club and I told my husband about it and we I started fulfilling his fantasy in words so that it would spice our marriage up a bit, but I had know interest in women or any one else besides my husband and I still dont.<BR>A couple of years ago we started going to these clubs and my husband started getting back his sexuality,(after us being together a couple of years the sex seemed to stop)after going to this club for a year and being envolved with a few other couples I told my husband how I really didnt enjoy it and how I done it just for him. Well of course he got all upset and said that I brought it up and I was the one that enjoyed it the most and he didnt see any since in stoping. Well after many days of arguing we quit going and he wasnt intrested in me sexually at all any more. The sex went down to once every two months. <BR>Just recently we went back to the life style again and now my husband is wanting sex from me every night, but I have know interest in it what so ever any more, I dont even want him to hold me, but he dosent even seem to notice that this is bothering me.<BR>I love my husband so much but while we are in this life style, just looking at him seems to disgust me. I know if we stop the sex will stop and if we keep going he will be interested in me.<BR>I just want to be like a normal couple again, I want to have a good fulfilling marriage like we used to have, with no one else involved. I tried to explain this to him many times before, but this time what is the use? It will just end up in a big argument again and that is the last thing I want.<BR>Now he gets off work and sits on this computer chating with other couples and looking at porn pictures. He tries to get me involved with that also, but I tell him I have no interest in it.<BR>Please help me, I dont want to lose my marriage, but I also dont want to be in this life style.

Sadeyes26 - No one else has replied to your post so I will take a stab at it though I am no expert in this area. The fantasies in our marriage are much more middle class than what you describe. First, you and your husband desperately need some expert help from a therapist. A healthy marriage never requires that one partner engage in sexual activities the other is not comfortable with. To demand otherwise is degrading and makes you a victim. Your husband seems to have some serious problems that also require individual therapy. You must stop participating in this "lifestyle" as you called it - you are at risk for STDs and have sacrificed your self respect for your husband. Please be true to yourself.<BR> Simone

You sound just like me! Stop it now!!!! <BR>If you don't you will end up hating your husband, he will do it behind your back. You will end up hating your self!!!<BR>I posted a very abbreviated story under is this normal and made a brief mention of telling him it was okay. Although we haven't allowed in the bed with us, we have talked about other people in the bed, watched porn together and looked on the internet together. When I found out he actually slept with someone else, I let him tell me about her during our sex! I hate me and as much as I want to love him and be normal ... I think about it every time I look at him. It's only been a month since we made the commitment to stop and it's hard!!!!!!!!! I want to meet his needs and find myself wanting to slip to make him happy. STOP!!!! We have had okay sex since then, but there are times when we have both faked it, or just stopped or he couldn't get it up. We went from having sex every other night! I can't write a book here, but would love to talk to you. I thought I was the only sexual wierdo!!!! NO offense !! <BR>If you feel comfortable you are welcome to email me at kachord@knology.net <BR>Good luck!

sadeyes--<P>Your post REALLY disturbs me...I'm very worried about you...<P>I will not judge your actions. Sorta been there/done that. Please feel free to ask me anything you'd like, if you might find help in doing so. And...hopefully I'm a good listening ear, as are many others at this site. <P>My H and I have checked out sex clubs. Each time we went, it was with the express understanding that if ANY uncomfortable feelings cropped up, nothing would happen. The first time, H said as I viewed the goings-on, I looked like a deer caught in headlights, and we went home. The second and third times, we had fun, but only with each other, w/a bit of risque dress for me and hopping into the hot tub nude. (I REALLY liked the "sex machine.") We also played a group game on the dance floor (everyone clothed to various degrees) called "who's got the wooden spoon" where we swapped dance partners until the music stopped, and had to pay a small fee to the DJ if we had been given a wooden spoon by any partner. A kind of game that could be played at any party or dance club. <P>We played voyeurs, and saw a lot! I feel H wanted us to join a few group situations that we saw but in deference for my feelings, we did not. I appreciate that very much. Would I go to a sex club again with H? Probably. But it's not on my agenda as a must-do and he knows that.<P>We have also explored moresomes to an extent, but not in relation to sex clubs.<P>I think what disturbs me about your situation is that there are problems concerning sex there already...either stemming from miscommunications or SOMEthing. I think of sex clubs, or swapping, or porn...or anything sexually "not the norm?" as things that should be completely and totally agreed upon by the couple. If either is uncomfortable, STOP, and it shouldn't affect the already healthy physical relationship the couple has. Your H is not understanding that you were willing to TRY these different things with him probably when things were more emotionally stable between the two of you. You found them unnecessary, rather abhorent in nature, and because he pushes for your interest now he's lost your interest in him!! He seems to have branched out into actually needing the "not the norms" TO get aroused.<P>H and I are in counseling specifically to learn better communication techniques, and I'm glad we're trying WITH counseling. It's really making a difference. I would recommend counseling, strongly, highly, importantly, with your situation. Also, your feelings are very valid, I totally understand, having been there w/similar thoughts myself. With that in mind, it's also very important to listen to your H's feelings. Really listen to him, and acknowledge his feelings. Then talk about it...brainstorm...see if there are ways to negotiate happiness for you both. Are there other things bothering him that may affect his interest in sex?<P>Keep posting. We're all here to help.