Yes, I think I would! I really appreciate your constant support.

Update: My wife starts talking to me a little today. I was hoping she will be upset longer than this. I think the next step would be trying to slip in some boundary issues: A is not acceptable, family fund should not be used for her A, etc. Then I will try to get control of our finance without too much stress on her. Things will probably go slow from now for a while....I am going to plan the plan A some more.

Remember: Detachment. patience.

Hi, some updates...

My wife talked to me a little to day but still upset sometimes. Today, her cousin told me that she has arranged a counseling session with a doctor and my wife agreed to it yesterday. It will be more than 1 month away. Vets here will say that this MC will be a waste of time with A, right? But I guess I will have to go.

This cousin and her younger brother seem to be persuaded by my wife that the problem is not the OM but our relationship. This is exactly what my wife tried to tell me. I tried to tell that they are right, but now with A, I cannot make any progress with her. Although A is not the root cause of the problem, we will have to start with stopping A. Still, they seems to urge me to fix our relationship first???? I guess my wife was very persuasive.

Anyway, I am planing to do plan A for a while. I know some people here advised against it, but I might move our family to a new place away from my parents. I might score big here. I will have to talk to my wife first. I told her earlier that I will find a place for our family, move there, and if she still decide to brake up with me, I will simply leave. I will make sure she understand that I don't intend to do that anymore - that I will not leave the new place.....What do you guys think? My wife really hates it here and she feels isolated, alone in stranger's house....I should have done this long time ago. But right now, I am not sure.

Actually Hola, I think it�s a good idea to get your own place and move there.

BUT you have to be convinced yourself that if the A continues, you will stay there with your children and she can move out.

You don�t need to tell her that now, you can always say that that is a home for your family and if she ever says something about YOU leaving, tell her that you will stay to protect your children from the people she gets together with and therefore you will stay and she can go. She �s free to leave whenever she wants after all.

Hi, thanks coming from you it means a lot to me.

It has been depressing in the pass few days. My wife was upset with me from time to time, sometime with angry outburst. I think I was too meek at the receiving end. I think it makes her even more upset. I should be more cheerful but it is really hard to do. I can't start any conversation with her. I managed to slip in a compliment today though. This is hard...I think I will write to her too (email/sms/card). She used to send me a card every week for the 2-3 years when we were apart. So, I think that might be important to her somehow.

She did not went to see her family this weekend. I used to take her to do that once a week. I think her father contacted her and that is the reason of the hurtful email earlier. We did went to her Aunt's home. That is the other family that I told about her A. Her cousin was enthusiastic about helping us and arrange an MC for us. Somehow my wife agreed to it. She did not on the D-day when I suggested it.

However, I just found out about my MC session. Actually, it will be with a doctor (psychiatrist). I am not sure how "pro-marriage" the doctor will be. My wife may just want to show that she "tried". I don't know. There will be a relationship talk and I will have to be honest with my answer without the LB...somehow....It will be tough for me.

Hola, thesenext few weeks and probably months are called a rollercoaster, and that�s because there will be mainly bad days at first a eventually there will be good and bad days...

It is still too soon to know what will happen.

MC is good, that�s a step in the right direction. Since you have time you should re read all Dr. Harley�s advice. Read about his plan so that when you go to the MC you can tell him that you are pro marriage and ask him what his plan is to recover your marriage.
How is your plan A coming along?

Hi,

About my plan A, I wrote down goals and objectives (mostly from what you gave me). Now, I am trying to write down concrete actions. Since, I have not met my wife's EN for a long time, I guess I don't have many idea. I have been reading posts by HopeThisWork. The situation is similar but his wife love him more than mine love me. He posted with lots of details. I can get some advise there and try to write it down. It is hard to do at this point though. Here is what I have for meeting my wife's EN:

Affection
Ask her what she would like to get today, before leaving in the morning.
Send sms/email to her during the day while I work.
Buy flowers for her once a week.
Give her a card every 2 weeks?
Buy lunch and have it delivered to her.
Ask about her day, when arrived at home

I did most of these already...

Conversation:
Use open end questions.
Try to keep the our talk as long as possible. (I used to end all conversation quickly after several exchange.)
Look at her eye. (I always look away when talk to people.)

Admiration:
Compliment her. I think this is easiest to do whenever she is in a good mood. Mostly she took it with a smile.

What do you think?

Good Hope.

make sure the changes you make are ones that you plan to keep. The whole point is o make yourself a bettr person, whatever happens.

What about teh children, do you spend time with them?
what activities do you do as a family?

I have to go to work and I don�t have access to MB while there so I�ll check on you later on when I get home.

Do you know if she still has contact with the OM?

Exactly, I cannot tell now that she is still in contact. She used to tell me that they are. But after I told her father, she no longer tell me. It is going to be hard. Can I tell somehow from her emotion? WW was a friend on OM's facebook but no longer there but this is just my wife blocking public access I think. She might have remove her account. Those are stuffs I used to gather info. for the exposure.

About the kids, I plays with them before they go to bed for about half an hour. They and my wife all go to bed at 8pm so I have very little time with them. But I think this is why my wife and my sons are quite intelligent.

On weekend, I took them to my wife's parent on Sat. I just sat around or sleep. We usually come home late. On Sunday, we go out for lunch, shopping and buy grocery. She went to shopping by herself. But sometime met with OM (from my snooping). But she started to let me join her buying grocery. Not much conversation there since my wife keep calculating in her head. We stay home in the evening. My plan is to do some cooking or other thing with my elder son during that time and hope my wife will join. We made sushi last Sunday and my wife stayed around and tasted it.

I though last Sunday was bad. It was actually OK compared to today. She did not even look at me most of the time. She said that I am stupid trying to change the diaper or something along that line. She is very upset today but still hold it in.

What does this mean?

Hola, are you seeing yourself as the head of the family now?

Are you understanding better now what your role as husband and father should be?

Keep up the good work. remember to be cheerful, act sure of yourself even if you are not quite convinced yet, be the man of the house.

you should try to do some spying to find out if you wife is still involved with anyone.

the family activities are great. that�s what you should try for... anything that brings you togetner as a family.

Thanks, I will try to be the head of the family. Anyway, I think I should start doing things that needs to be done if my wife is not here. Learn what she does now for the family. However, I am not sure what should I do. Most family I know, my parents', her parents', and our family, mostly the mother does all the family related stuffs and the father only works to feed the family. However, my mom and her mom also have a job but my wife doesn't.

I also located most of my money. It is in my name anyway so hold it will be easy. But I will not do anything now. I am going to wait until my wife is less upset and see.

About spying, it has been difficult. I heard that I can get a phone record from PI. I will need to look into that. I am trying to set up someway to determine her going out pattern. I think there is a post here about spying, I will study it.

About that sentence you ask, I am trying to say that since my wife and my sons sleep a lot (10 hours) each night. They are very smart (at least academically).

I am seeing another doctor tomorrow, IC first. Her cousin found me this one because this one is available now.

Hi,

This does not look good. My wife did not talk to me for two days now. This morning too. I think she is still in contact with OM. She showed no sign of withdrawal. The way I know about my wife, I think her A will not be broken easily. At least, it will take more time. She just angry with me for exposure, I think. Now, I can't meet her EN too.

I am not sure why she was warmer toward me last weekend. May be OM is trying to break off this week?

Hola you don't really know what�s going on. Just keep being cheerful, consistent, friendly and detached.

You have to be consistent or she won�t believe you!

Have patience. It might take time. It could mean she has contact or she�s in withdrawal....

Hi,

I just checked my bond account. Most of the money is gone now. Don't know where my wife took it. I am not sure what will happen next. My wife might just move it around or trying to give it back to my like she said. Or, she might plan an escape soon.

I am not sure if I should confront her now or wait to see first. The money is gone any way. This is not a good sign.

ccbis, can I send you a private message?

Private messages are not allowed here but you can e mail me at xxxxx
dosn�t look good about the money. You have to take control

Sorry, false alarm. The money was moved long time ago. So, now, looks like I can't get control of my money again...

I tried to get PM to you because I though my wife might found out about this site. Since, I saw her doing some Internet banking around the time I posted that I found the money. I will need to be more careful about posting in the future. I also should be more careful when talking to the doctors too. I usually don't have to have so many secrets!

Anyway, this would be the fifth day that my wife stop talking to me (mostly). I just getting tired of this whole thing.

Anyway thanks for giving me your email. I will try not to use it.

You can use it Hola, if you need to.

I won�t be posting much here because I don�t have much time anymore. Holidays are over.

You really have to take control of your family, especially for your sons� sake. Get control of the money and of your household. Be the man and husband your wife will admire and respect, be the father our sons will adore. Whatever happens, be a better father because your children will always be yours.

I don�t think you need to keep many secrets, after all the affair should be public knowledge, right? And most of the other stuff is you preparing to be a single father if your wife decides not to be part of the family.

It�s not convenient that your wife read your posts at this moment, but if she should find marriagebuilders and is interested it�s not a bad idea for her. If you are worried that she may identify you take out some of the info on your sig line.

or you can change your screename.

Hi,

About the our money, it is not much compared to what I own (given to me by my parents) or will get later. From what I know, those are mine alone unless I die before we divorce. I guess I will need to talk to a lawyer soon. I can support my kids easily but probably will not get custody of them. This is sad. Is it a good idea to try to negotiate with her and ask her to leave without the kids in Plan B?

I just found out that she did not talk to me for the last four days because she saw on her mom mobile that I called. She is angry that her mom is on my side and trying to impede the A. So, I guess A is still on-going.

Today she came out with me. She talked to me OK today. Athought this makes me feel better, I know this means nothing now (with on-going A). I have a chance to ask her out just the two of us and she said no....

I think I will prepare for another round of assault on OM. That is where the weak spot is. But I will wait for a while first - gathering info. Any idea here?