I have told her time and time again that some of the things she does are not helping our relationship. I'll try again and see what happens. I also realize that I've been an enabler for her behavior, and that I need to stop picking up after her, but sometimes it's hard to let go, especially if it involves the kids and their lives.

I see the contradiction. I should have said, I did everything I thought a husband/father should do until I read the books and found out that there is a LOT more to do. Stuff that a man would never think to do, the same things but for different reasons, or a different way to do them.

PL,

Somehow I sense you are very confused. You seem to think YOU can fix things. You can just ignore your W to a better marriage and if you don't "ignore" your way to a better marriage the solution is no marriage.

If you go to counseling as you say you are, you need to speak up and tell both the counselor and your W what you feel and why you feel it. This is not a school quiz where you get graded on correctness. This is how you FEEL. You also know that you need help and you can express that you KNOW you need help from your W and hopefully a third party that will address your fears, your pain, and your uncertainty.

If you don't stand up for yourself, who will?

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

PS: None specific comments to your W about you not happy in the marriage are hard for her to address even if she wants to. You need to be specific "I feel ***** when you do **** and it brings pictures into my mind such as *****." That is specific