I think that is a good idea. I believe the intent of the journal is to make me feel better about myself. No sense in putting anything in there that would give me negative feelings.



I'll try that. I could use some attitude adjustment.

Thanks for the helpful suggestions Pep. I'm really hoping it will help counteract all the negative thoughts I have about myself.

Lol....I could probably put that on the gratitude list.

For me, one of the best things I did was to start exercising like crazy, again. Been sick for about 6 weeks, now and I ma going nuts. I will put that on my list.

Truer words were never spoken.

Based on your response I question if you have a PD. You may have some traits but the one big issue that seems to be pervasive with BPD is denial. It seems you are willing to look at yourself which indicates to me you probably don't have it. BPD will deflect, blame, avoid, it is never them.

Finding a therapist skilled in treating BPD is no easy task. Many therapists are not all that familiar with it, and if they are likely avoid treating it as the BPD is known to "burn them out". The book "Walking on Eggshells" highlights the issue of therapist burn out with trying to treat BPD.

Deleted so as not to sidetrack this thread any more than I already have.

I do not think that it is possible to isolate it to one trait, whether it is immaturity, being mean, or what ever. It seems to me an ever changing blend of factors that leaves the Non PD swirling in a state of confusion and disorientation. However the PD is often very engaging as well. This adds to the attraction and confusion.

Regardless, the spouse who is trying to make sense of the chaos and confusion, still ends up battered and bruised emotionally. From what I understand many are left in a state of disorientation, disbelief and wondering what happened. It can take years to recover. I think it takes a tremendous toll on ones self esteem. I know I wondered if I was the one going crazy. Fortunately my daughter was the first one to twig to what was going on. And she was persistent in trying to alert the rest of us to try and get us to save ourselves.

I find it hard to explain, it seems that those who have experienced it understand. Like a ride in a tornado.

Yeah, I feel for them,as well, mopey. I am not at all sure how I survived.
One great source of support has been a guy I met on another site. He is a lawyer and a basketball player and we have a lot in common. His wife of 24 years cheated on him throughout their marriage. He was unaware until he discovered her last affair. Then he started digging and found all the other stufff out.
He was a mess when we connected. His wife was brutal to him in the divorce, trying the domestic violence trick etc. She turned his kids against him.
But, we talk all the time. We both realize we will never get an apology or full disclosure. We have accepted that we will never know the full truth about the extent of cheting , when it started, all the guys, etc.
Thing about these PD types is that they will paint you black and just discard you when they are found out.
Turned out to be a blessing for me, as the cheating was the straw that broke the camel's back.

On page two of her book, "Borderline Personality Disorder - Struggling, Understanding, Succeeding," author Colleen E. Warner warns

She goes on to write

Which I think is the crux of the problem: It isn't readily apparent that the person with whom we're developing a relationship has BPD problems until we've become enmeshed (a term Shari Schreiber describes thus).

I know Pep. I was just soooo depressed, there were some days I felt frozen. I've had to take baby steps.

I never had to force myself to do things I wanted to do in the past that would bring me joy. I remember bouncing out of the bed a lot of mornings wondering what I could do that day that would be productive or just plain fun. This has been a very different experience for me.

Thanks for pointing it out. I just reminds me that I will have to force what use to come naturally. Hopefully in time, I won't have to force it anymore.

I'm happy you found some relief from that Zelmo. I'm glad you had someone to talk to about it. This is the first time really that I have.

I guess I forced my husband's disclosure with the polygraph, but I could only ask so many questions. However, one of the questions was "inconclusive". He has told me he was sorry. I just don't see the same kind of remorse and empathy from him that I see in other FWSs.

I guess it goes back to the "degrees of PD". I think he/we have made some progress, it's just painfully slow and that's murder when trying to survives affairs.

This is very true, BC. To me, it is much like trying to explain the trauma of infidelity to someone who has not been the victim of it.
I see posts like MrW's re immaturity, and I can read the underlying blaming, the "it could never happen to me" deal. It is very reminiscent of the types of responses one gets re infidelity from others who have not been through it. There is , many times, a hint of "you must have brought this on, yourself".
The people that I have met that have been in these relationships are not immature individuals. Thye do have some vulnerabilities that make them more susceptible. But, they are not cases of arrested development.
One could ask Mr W , what type of individual allows oneself to get in a relationship with someone that would cheat on you? One could take the position that the BS , as he is, must have had some deficiency that prevented him from picking up on his wife's proclivity in this area. Was it immaturity, egoism, arroagance?
No, the fact is that, just like marrying a cheater, marrying a BPD or NPD may not be due to something lacking in a BS.
One thing I came to learn as a parent of a severly disabled son, MAny, many people cannot deal with the fact that much of the bad that befalls us in life is random. It is not due to something we did wrong or lacked.
I saw this attitude a lot and began thinking about it and sort of studying the foks that had it. The one common thing I saw in these folks was fear.
Thye feared that if this stuff was random, they were vulnerable. If they could make conatact with all their little touchstones, follow all the "rules", they were safe. So, anyone touched by the tragedy must have been deficient or flawed as relates to touching those little stones.

This is so true, at least in my experience. It's like a rollercoaster ride in a tornado.

So true. But at least today, there have been some insightful articles and posts that have shed some light on it.

As Fred mentions, many therapists will not treat PD's or will make either a misdiagnosis or will purposely misdiagnose/
It is supposed to be a very hard Dx. Also, since it is said to be intractable, some insurance will not cover the treatment, hence the different dx.
Finally, some therapist feel the dx is too stigmatizing and do not want to hurt their patient with this label.
Oh, and, from what i have read, the PD person is very reluctant to seek therapy. The last place they want to look is withing.
So, if you are looking ot get therapy,, absent some major crisis or gun to the head, you probably do not have a PD.

Then what do you presume the person (whatever they might be doing) would have, if not a PD?

I'm curious about this myself.

Not sure I understand this question, Karma. Could you re-phrase it?

You say that if the person is seeking therapy they probably do not have a PD.

I was asking what you might think the person has if not a PD, since you say it's likely they DON'T have a PD if they are seeking help.