It�s been a while since I logged onto MB. I am about to launch Plan D after 20 months of unsuccessful R. The final straw was this afternoon when WW actually had the nerve to tell me I have issues because I can�t just �get over it��."it� being her �friendship� with OM #3. Anyway, I just wanted to throw some information out there to those who might find themselves new here. If one person can learn from my mistakes, great.

Gather as much information as you possibly can but DO NOT us it when arguing with your spouse. This is a lot harder than it sounds. You learn something new that you can use against them and within hours, you are arguing with them telling them what you know, looking for the GOTCHA moment. Gather all you can and KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Remember, your cheating spouse is not thinking rationally and the information you have can be much better put to use by your attorney should it come to that.

Computer key loggers are a great tool and they are illegal. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT about information you learn from their use. Key loggers intercept real time wired communications�also known as wiretapping. It is the same thing as tape recording a telephone conversation that you are not part of. This is not an opinion, this is fact. Yes, I am a police officer�yes, I have arrested someone for this. That being said, Spector Pro is by far the best key logger on the market. Let�s leave it at that.

There are several companies making caller ID units that log the number of OUTGOING calls. They don�t record the calls, they just log the number, date and time dialed�an excellent tool. Don�t confront them about what you know or how you know it�.KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

A company called Land Air Sea systems makes a GPS device called a Tracking Key. This $200 device is incredible!! Awesome maps, easy to use. Insert two batteries, magnet mount under and car and it is off and running. It starts recording when the car moves and stops when the car is parked for more than 2 minutes. You retrieve the device, plug it into a USB slot and it downloads everywhere the vehicle went.

They more you tell your WS about what you know, the more careful they will be. If you tell them you know about their e-mail, they will use a public computer. If you confront them with phone calls, they will make calls from other phones or buy a pay-as-you-go cell phone. If you tell them you are tracking their car, they will park at a store and their �friend� will pick them up. Basically, gather, gather, gather and KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!

Excellent advice. And, might i add a good PI really is a shortcut. I got what I needed in no time.

Also, just wanted to chip in that I think that the legality of recording phone conversations varies from state to state; then there is federal law. I researched this quite a few years ago and it's seems that some states have tightened thier laws.

Federal law allows recording of a conversation if one person is acceptable to it. You have to check by state though because some require both parties knowledge. Here's a link...

http://www.rcfp.org/taping/

I haven't read the whole site yet, but when I researched before the states all had different laws. Some allowed recording of two seperate parties phone conversation, so long as your name was registered to the phone account. That may have changed.

It looks like Vermont is most leniant.

What we say all the time never reveal your sources.

I wish you would of brought this up on your old thread. Hard to advise without knowing where your at.

This why we say multiple threads make it hard to follow the story.

Even on our own personal home computer that spouses share? That sounds off to me. I can understand that putting one on a third party's computer or company computer could be illegal.

Hi Jim, sorry to hear about these latest developments!

When you say keep your mouth shut, do you mean "keep your mouth shut about the source of your intel?" Because the purpose of snooping is not to collect dirt for the sake of collecting dirt, but to use the intel to bust up the affair via a confrontation and exposure. Otherwise, there is no reason to collect data.

Is that what you mean?

I will add a testimonial to this nifty little device. To add extra protection (the manual says it is "water resistant," but not "waterproof") I placed it into a sandwich baggie and attached it under the rear bumper. It operates as described above (requires a PC and Google Maps) and the reports it generates are everything you need to know. Using it, I was able to pinpoint the house in which OM was renting a room, drive out one night and photograph their two cars in the driveway together (gotta love those vanity plates, too!).

Even if the batteries dies (she was gone for days at times), the data it collects is stored and retrievable. And it only takes seconds to remove it/fasten it to the car. You could almost do it with WS in sight, as it's small enough to fit into a pocket.

Photos and information here.

I think it's illegal because no one involved in the communciation knows they're being recorded. In some states, you can record your phone calls even without telling the other party. But I think it would be illegal for you to install a recording device on your home phone if you didn't tell everyone in the house that it was installed. So at least one person involved in the converstation needs to know they are being recorded.

That being said, there are some great devices you can use to record everything on your home phone. Devices like this telerecorder. If you're computer savvy, you can get devices at Radio Shack that allow you to record phone calls into the Mic port of your soundcard. Then use a voice-activated recording program like RecAll to record the conversations.

Expectsm,

Who give a sh-- about the legallity of it, you are not seeking to take them to court. You are not going to let them know you are recording and if your state doesn't allow it, you still have the personal conscience that you KNOW they are cheating and can find outher means if it comes down to court etc.

If the recording is caught? "Hmmm, that's weird honey. I'm spooked, someone must be conspiraring against us for something."

Catching my spouse by ANY means would be at the fore front, you can back down at that point and hire a PI, if you use the recorder to confirm it first, and let the PI get hard evidence.

I comes down to knowing your spouse is or is not cheating, why they are acting weird and confirming YOU (I) am not insane.

When full blow exposure is done and they have done NC and want to reconcile or continue in A, trust or R is lost or gained. The recording only give you confirmation, then you can set your stage without it. After all, gps will soon come out as a type of recording device at some point in a precedence, along with keylogger etc.

Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer.

I think most of the advice given here about snooping is given to obtain evidence and proof of an affair. It is NOT designed to be used in a court of law. And that's where the illegality comes into play.

If you're going to court, you're probably better off hiring a P.I. anyway.

TheMud, I agree! Who gives a sh** as long as the purpose is served. I hated the feeling of not knowing. Still, my D came like a comet; it was a total shock. It took months to find out who OW was; the affair is nearly all the way across country. My WH has an attorney and I don't. I exposed and am now being taken to court for that, so it's always a good precaution to take at least knowing if what you are doing is legal or not. At least in my situation, I can't sneeze without legal action being taken. I believe it's all frivolous and an effort to make me look like the "bad gal" here

>I believe it's all frivolous and an effort to make me look like the "bad gal" here

Absolutely correct. Your WH has done a "preemptive attack," hoping to gain the tactical high ground.

Unfortunately, he has no ammunition in his caisson. All he can do right now is snipe at you, hoping to wear you down by attrition. If you stick to your guns and wait him out, you'll not only come out on top, you'll have the court officers all behind you, as they have all seen this kind of nonsense before.

I'm sorry for that expects.

If my M came to that I wouldn't care if Ohbambi himself took me to court, my world would be shattered before he "thinks" he could do anything to me. It would be to the point where I would look POSOP and WW say do whatever you want, I have the conscience of righteousness at this point. I would look at WW and say, when the dust settles you will not be looking at yourself in the same mirror I use every morning!

I agree Fred and know that it's all BS. WH's attorney looked shocked when she met me. I think WH had painted me as some psycho and she saw I wasn't the monster he had claimed.. My son was there with me and was extrememly polite to everyone there; I could hear the comments..."Oh my gosh, what a polite boy". He even held the door for WH attorney. She looked blown over...I think she expected something totally different.

I agree Mud. He's just doing all he can and has totally crushed me, so the courts can do what they want. I know I'm righteous too. He called CPS on me before this. They visited 3 times and told me they know he did it for spite and are now closing the case; they do want me to get counseling for the divorce which I plan anyway. The suit says I used derogatory names in the exposure letter; not true, this is what I sent...

I�m writing to inform you that my husband WH is having an affair with OW.

During close to a year, H was in Iraq; we both professed our love for each other many times a day; every day, even the day before he returned he told me how excited he was to see me, and how much he loved and missed me.

A few days after returning home, he went to Illinois for a friends� wedding. It was very hard to see him go after waiting so long for him. I received a voicemail from H informing me we were getting divorced and I received the divorce papers less than a month later on our Anniversary. This has devastated our children and I beyond belief.

WH has told many lies about me in order to justify his infidelity; however I have incontrovertible proof to the contrary, and am more than happy to share it.

I�m not a perfect wife, nor do I think anyone is, I have always tried to be the best wife, I�ve loved him, and always been faithful and kind. He has been my best friend, my true love, and all my heart for six years. I love both he and our family and am willing to put in the effort to remedy any issues.

This affair is the sole reason for the divorce, and is destroying our marriage and family. I hope that if you have any influence over WH or OW, you would stand against this affair and stand for the institution of marriage and for fidelity.

God bless, BS

I just mean that if you let your WS know you can see something, they will go deeper. At some point, yes, you confront, giving the minimum about how you got what you have. I made the mistake of confronting her every time I got something new.

As far as those saying they don't give a sh*@ about their WS knowing they used a key logger.... you will when their attorney talks your WS into having you arrested. It does not matter if it is your computer or not... you cannot intercept real time communications. It is like a telephone line. You cannot (legally) recorded your home phone line because it is in your name and listen to a WS and OP chatting. If you use that information or reveal you have done that, you may be arrested.

Now, if you have a SHARED computer, you can have data forensically recovered from the hard drive. Courts have held that data already on the hard drive is equal to opened mail in a drawer. I am not an attorney but I have testified in criminal and civil trials as an expert witness.

And to the person who suggested I start a new thread, I know that's the way to go in some cases. In mine, the story doesn't matter anymore. It's over and I am moving on. I just wanted to point out mistakes I made while gathering information and hopefully prevent othering from making the same mistake.

Good stuff, Jim. I hope you get the happiness you deserve. Your WW is a piece of work.

I'm not saying someone shouldn't care if WS knew you used a keylogger. I never used one and wouldn't have told him if I had. My point was to be aware of the laws when you are doing something; that way you can make an educated decision and know when to really keep your mouth sealed shut.

To this day, WW doesn't know how I got my information. She asked my attorney if I'd had her followed.

I chose to not answer.

(I didn't). I snooped.

LOL Fred, my WH thinks I have spies or somehow hacked his FB. I didn't. He would say things I knew weren't true and assumed that he just told that story to so many people that he started to believe it himself.

I said, "I don't appreciate you telling people XYZ about me!".

He said, "Who the heck is spying for you?"

LOL, noone! Duh, I'm just reguritating what you said.