<BR>catnip, jenny and any others who<BR>are in my boat or have been- please stay in touch w/ me here<BR>i didn't know there were so many <BR>who have experience with this my<BR>profile is posted on 10/15 page 6<BR>if you use the last 10 day search<BR>she has already filed for divorce<BR>hopefully she is considering reconciling and i am trying to get her to this site -- i just read catnip's and jennys bios and<BR>i know what i need to do and have<BR>been trying to show w the way she<BR>is confused -- now i know there are others who are making it maybe you guys could e mail her or i can get her on this site to <BR>see your stories--thanks in advance for help this site is a true godsend for me...much peace<BR>and love.... trying hard

Trying Hard: I am going to your bio now and will respond later. You posting looks frantic. Take it easy...will be back.

Trying: I read your postings and see what you are up against. I have to tell you that IMHO and speaking for myself, I would have LOVED my H to be so remorseful so soon and so willing to make amends and eliminate that nasty withdrawl period. I bet many betrayed here would agree. Most of us had to go through that horrible push-pull, love you-hate you thing that is so destructive and hurts the heart so. You are already ahead of the game by taking responsibility for your actions and being so forthright about everything. Your W will come to see on this site how very lucky she is, if one can be "lucky" to go through this horrible heartbreak, to have a H that is so sincerely remorseful and ashamed of his behavior. That will speed the recovery process ten-fold if she is receptive.<BR>The issues regarding the OW and the OC are a personal thing. What my H and I are doing is to simply pay child support. There will never be any contact of any kind with either the OW or OC under any circumstances. This will help me heal and restore our marriage, I hope. I know that personally, I cannot stay with my spouse if there is going to be any interavtion of any kind and I would assume from your posting about the OW that that will be just fine with you. Regarding the OC; God, I hope OW gives it up for adoption and allows a loving two-parent household adopt it for the OC's sake. She sounds like a lunatic. What was the attraction, Trying? I am curious what made you stray? I am still trying to figure out why my H did the things he did and why he didn't "protect" us from this happening.<BR>If you or your wife want to e-mail me I'm at kmkofflin@aol.com and would be happy to help, if I can. Your wife needs this site desparately to get through her anger, resentment, issues of what this does to her feelings for herself as a woman and confidence issues. Just to vent and rage against you and what happened here is healing because she can then work with you constructively after she gets rid of the anger. <BR>I wish my H would have spared me the agony of withdrawl and rejection for those horrible few months and come to me with sincere remorse like you have done. Do not backslide on this with your wife. Do not go into withdrawl over the OW. She just isn't worth it. God bless you and your wife.

thanks catnip i appreciate your time<BR>i have been trying to get my w to this<BR>site but she hasn't found the time or<BR>isn't willing although i keep stressing<BR>how invaluable it is and will be for her<BR>i think she will get here i feel it is the only way for her to understand because of the anger she doesn't want to<BR>understand what i have to say and doesn't believe me anyway...i also want<BR>the same as you have only to pay the<BR>support and before the divorce papers came w felt same as you ... how do you<BR>work that out how can i guarantee that<BR>to w with this deranged ow who will keep<BR>oc she is from poor inner city and this<BR>is their way of life...what led me to her was a series of things including my<BR>emotional needs not being met in marriage, ease of being w/ her no pressures, and an extreme fantasy of my<BR>life being that way, i was escaping from<BR>everday reality into a dreamland...my<BR>deeprooted inability to communicate with<BR>w, and also a power struggle with w along with a whole host of other things<BR>that i have come to discover--much love<BR>busting and unconscious resentment, poor<BR>negotiating, poor leisure time planning,<BR>too much work for me, i could go on and<BR>on but now that i have learned about all<BR>these issues through this site and therapy i know the course for rebuilding<BR>and believe we have enough love for each<BR>other to do it. i know we have the intelligence as we are both bright--it's<BR>only that my w freaked when she got<BR>the package from ow telling all and i never got the chance to be honest which<BR>i know of course was another mistake one<BR>of a zillion i have made...i only hope<BR>and pray it's not too late...i don't blame her for freaking she doesn't understand the things i wrote to ow were<BR>at a confused time where my head or brain was on pluto she thinks it is how<BR>i really feel and that fantasy love vs.<BR>mutual love is bs--you also don't have<BR>to worry about me and the ow i know that<BR>after all she has done including trapping me w/ this child, that she was<BR>deceitful from day one, and has serious<BR>personality problems and is borderline <BR>and could be psychotic...boy did i pick a winner...i am even selling my business<BR>to get as far away from her as possible<BR>i only hope there is a way to keep her<BR>out of my life forever...other than sending the check...this also is a concern for w she doesn't know if she can deal...anyway gotta run now thanks for listening i'm going to e mail you this weekend maybe you could drop my wife an email i think it might help<BR>i don't think she has given up all hope <BR>she says she wants to slow the divorce <BR>train down so i guess that is a positive<BR>thanks again i know i sounded panicky before i am adjusting to the meds and sometimes feel anxious thanks again you<BR>all have been great much peace and love<BR>trying hard....