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to be considered a reliable, well read, and informed individual; worthy of following advise from? For example most of us would take the advise from a poster with 30 odd posts to their name with a fairly large grain of salt, but what about some one with 100? 200? 500? 1000? Does length of time registered come into the equation? At what point do you say "this person has been around a bit, has a bunch of posts under their belt, and doesn't come across as too crazy, let's roll with the suggestions"? Also keeping in mind that some of us are way more loquacious than others I have my own personal policy, but was just curious what others might be.
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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I tend to look at date of registration rather than post count. Someone who's been here since 2005 but only posted 30-40 times *probably* has a better grasp of the material than someone who's been here since January and posted 1000+.
And quality is more important than quantity. There's some nutters who have been here a long time and posted lots. The sheer quantity of their posts and the length of time they've been around has no bearing on whether or not they give good advice.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. (Oscar Wilde)
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I agree 1000% with canwemakeit. It drives me crazy when people with a) lots of posts or b) an old registration date are referred to as "veterans" as if they had some special grasp of the program and are a venerated class of people.
I know people who have thousands of posts that have been here for 10+ years who don't even OWN a single MB book and wouldn't know a POJA from a PITA. Many of them have horrible marriages because they have been coming here to "chat" rather than learn and implement MB.
On the other hand, I can point to people who have 50 posts and have been here for 3 months who have a better grasp of MB than me!
While the # of posts and the reg date may have some relevance, the most relevant thing to ME is the QUALITY of the post.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Then there are the freaking drama voyures that just like to meddle.
I ALWAYS view posts to try to find the person's original story to see if they are legit or not.
When you see a bunch of "mee too" and "I agree with X" posts, they are count padding for credibility.
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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I can't speak for anyone else, but for me, (and this is perhaps what MelodyLane was referring to) I can tell when someone's post just sounds right.
If I am not familiar with the poster I might check on other posts they've made to see if they are (a) consistent, (b) knowledgeable, (c) experienced.
Shared experiences are helpful, too. If someone is going through the same thing I am (yes, we're all here because of infidelity, but some details are more parallel than others).
I do find myself looking at registration dates and post numbers, but that's not usually the first thing I consider.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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Fred, we're not all here because of infidelity. Lots of stories on 101 that don't involve infidelity at all.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. (Oscar Wilde)
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Hmmmmmmmm
I've been known to give lousy advice myself. Especially when I wander off the MB trail for whatever reason.
I look at a few things. The number of posts is NOT one of my criteria. Registration date is one thing I notice. (mostly looking for trollish advice) If it's an infidelity issue, their D-Day (s) is another factor. The more recent their D-Day the more emotional the advice tends to be. So I take that into consideration.
I look for MB-based advice most of the time. And logic, as well. And critical thinking. I look to see if someone has a particular drum to beat, and beat, and beat .... then I realize that they are 100% working out their own issue in the guise of posting TO others.
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I don't go by number of posts either. Sometimes I check out the dates and posts just to see if it's a newbie or not, but it doesn't really matter. I prefer to listen to the people that KNOW MB and use that to help others.
There are a lot of newbies that come here and some of them grab onto a person because they have been around forever and have a huge number of posts, but there are some with those stats that have NO CLUE on how to apply MB. It's sad to see those newbies taken in by those posters, because some of them give up on marriages that might have been salvageable with the correct tools.
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I love the name of the town where you live. "Happyrock" .... sounds like a good place, or the location of a Disney movie ???
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The name of the town is actually Gladstone, but we call it Happyrock instead! Disney movie, huh? Maybe someday I can leave my movie set and visit you in Shrek's Swamp!
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I LIKE that you pay attention to my lame jokes and "Goofy" references.
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What makes this place so valuable is that we're like a can of Planters Mixed Nuts. We've got geeks and freaks and litigators and trained counselors and teachers and farmers and nurses (and retired ones) ... cell phone salesmen... You can usually find something you like and leave the rest for somebody else. Of course you have to like nuts to begin with...
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I am a retired nurse practitioner.
A small, but important distinction. (in my mind LOL) <~~~ just one of the nuts
Last edited by Pepperband; 02/09/10 03:11 PM.
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Thank you all for your answers, they line up with my policy.
However, how do you think a newbie determines a worthy advisor?
I remember when I first turned up in the midst of the mental trauma of a new BW, I had no clue as to who was well grounded in MB and who was as muddled as myself. In fact I spent the first couple of weeks thinking anyone who was on MB MUST be someone I should listen to by virtue of the fact of not understanding entirely the open posting policy.
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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Lil,
I've wondered about that very thing many times. How does a noob figure out who to listen too? But I figured it out. So did you, right?
Pep,
I humbly BEG your forgiveness!
(I shoulda known dat...)
Mark
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As a noob, I read what was written - then checked reg info and sig line. I think the danger comes when noobs post at the w/e and there isn't quite so much traffic or the bulk of you are and they may be get a very very narrow, not quite MB, bitter and twisted type of advice. For me as a noob, it was safety in numbers - if people had posted advice and I could see that lots of people had read but not disagreeed then that was good. Surely if lots o people are reading and disagree one would jump in! Someone that clearly knows MB but that draws parallels with your own deal is reassuring whether that reassurance comes in the form of a or not. Afterall - Noobs should have read the stuff before they start posting
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'Registered: 04/29/08 Posts: 3846 Loc: New Zealand'Personally, I don't listen to anyone who has less than 3921 posts!
M'd 22 years BW-me D-Day 08/08 LTA
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Just give me a couple of days Ms 1520 I have been a member for a wee bit longer than that tho' just under another user name.
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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M'd 22 years BW-me D-Day 08/08 LTA
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