here is my situation... if anyone has any advise that they can share i appreciate it...
i'm 28.. my husband is 35.. we have been married for 5 years..together for 9.. we have a 2 year old..
my husband is an alcoholic and has only been sober since november when i kicked him out of the house.. he was only gone 2 days and came back and has been sober ever since.. my husband has reciently gotten back into contact with his teenage daughter and her mother.. i understand to have a relationship with the daughter means a relationship with the mother and whatever.. i'm ok with that.. but when i check the phone bill there are over 200 text messages per day between him and the ex and his daughter.. and several conversations of 40+ mins each in the same days.. when i call him or text him half he time he doesn't answer and the other half he yells at me that he has to get back to work as he will get in trouble... then last week i was looking in his coat for his wallet and found a condom in his pocket.. i was very upset as we dont use them and for him to have one is like whoa.. he claims it was from when i kicked him out and his brother made him take it because he wanted him to go out and find someone but he never intended on using it and then just forgot it was there... i really don't know what to believe.. i have gained a lot of weight since i had my child and we have not been physical in almost a year.. my husband says he is not cheating and that the conversations hes having are harmless.. while i want to believe him i just feel all around betrayed.. i want my husband but since the whole sobriety thing started he has been distant and i'm lucky if he talks to me more than 10 minutes one day.. he doesn't even sleep in the same bed as me anymore... he says he is just still hurt about what happened and that it will take time to get through it and he doesn't want a divorce but when i say something like if your done just say so and you can go with with your ex and your daughter and have your family he doesn't fight it.. am i just being crazy or does it seem like there is something going on.. i don't want to give up on our marriage but i can't be the only one trying.. ANY advice will help me.. thank you

I think there is a strong likelihood he is cheating. You need to go into sleuth mode. Do not let him know of your suspicions, as it make it much harder to investigate.
I am no expert on the investigating. I hired a PI and got the evidence in short order. if you do not have the funds for that, others here can give you help.

Hi Liz, Sorry you are here but welcome to MB.

I agree with Zelmo that there are some big here...and you need to start doing some more digging. More specifically, I would drop back on the R and M talk and install a VAR in his car immediately.

To get your Plan A going, I would recommend reading this:
Carrot & Stick of Plan A

Hang in there.

This does not seem likely at all.

Please understand that all waywards LIE. We see it all the time here. I was a WH, and I have never told so many lies in my life.

Is she an ex-wife? If so, when did they divorce?

Start snooping!

SNOOP SNOOP SNOOP.

If your H has a teenaged daughter, why would he have to have contact with her mother? It would be great to think that he is talking to his daughter all of that time but I remember being a teenager and I wouldn't have talked to my Dad that long. I don't talk to him that long NOW unless he needs to talk, and I LOVE my Dad.

Does WH's daughter live near you?

the ex is NOT an exwife.. they were 17 when they had their daughter who is now 17 herself.. the ex was just a girlfriend.. i'm his only wife... his daughter he did not have ANY contact with for about 13 years.. and past checking phone records i'm not sure how much more snooping i can do without being totally obvious.. please help me with all the abbreviations you all use.. i'm not sure what half of them are.. lol.. thanks agian

There is a thread for the abbreviations but the ones that you will see the most often are:

BS/BW/BH-betrayed spouse/wife/husband

WS/WW/WH-wayward(active in affair or recently finished one and still "foggy") spouse/wife/husband

OM/OW-other man/woman

POSOM/POSOW-piece of S other man/woman

EA-Emotional affair

PA-physical affair

SAA-Surviving an affair(book by DrH)

HNHN-His needs her needs

LB-Love bank or love buster

AO-angry outbursts
SD-selfish demands
DJ-disrespectful judgments
RC-recreational companionship
SF-sexual fulfillment

DDAY-discovery day
M-marriage
R-recovery
D-divorce

I hope that helps

liz...

Several red flags here.
-excessive number of daily contacts
-doesn't return your communications
-no physical relationship between you and H
-carrying condom

I think you should assume he IS having an affair with this woman. Does he have a job where he could meet her during the day? Does he have unaccounted for time away from your home on evenings and weekends? Can you afford to hire a PI?

I hired a PI and in 3 days had more information about my H's affair than I could have found on my own and I didn't have to risk being caught snooping.

You are not going to like what I have to say.

1. When your level of intimacy means sleeping in another bed, it is not a good thing.
2. When he says he is still hurt, what does that mean?
3. when you don't have sex, you lose the ties that bind.

You are scared (and should be) because of your weight gain. How much effort are you putting in to get back to a more physically appealing figure? How much success have you had. If you haven't tried, why not?

It is likely he is having at least an emotional affair with his ex - and ex it is because of the child they made. You can go by what he does, not what he says. Is she married? How much contact have they had over the years?

Larry

VAR = voice-activated recorder for the car. You can pick one up at Staples or Target for I'm guessing under $50?

Waywards deny deny deny unless you have proof to confront them with so unfortunately more snooping is going to be critical for you here...