After reading and participating in a number of threads I am beginning to realize some of us, including me, are stuck. We are immobilized, and frozen in time. We recognize our lives have dramatically changed, we recognize we have been hurt, we have become more aware, but I don't know HOW to MOVE ON.

It is a lovely phrase. MOVE ON. How does one do it?

I find my world has changed. I am no longer a couple. All of our couple friends remain in contact with other couples, but I no longer fit. I realize I worked. And now I currently don't have a job. I was a chauffeur to my kids. They now drive. The nest is empty. We moved to start over so I have few friends or contacts in the area we moved to. My wife used to be the one who arranged our social life. She was a SAHM and had the opportunity to make social connections through the activities the kids were involved in.

I find myself ill prepared for this new life I have been thrust into. So for those of you who have hiked through the valley of change, please help those of us who are stuck. How did you MOVE ON?

Damn straight, BC. Let's head for the Sierra Madres and hunt for gold. You in?

You say you and your W moved to start over, but your sig says you've been separated since June '08. You also say "our" couple friends.... but you no longer fit. So it's not clear if you're by yourself or with your wife.

In any case, volunteer. If you're with your W, sit down w/her and brainstorm some things you'd both enjoy. Would you like to volunteer at the hospital? Church? Library?

Do you have a dog that you both enjoy? Can you go to dog parks together? Join some other kind of club you'd both like? Take up a new hobby together and meet folks that do the same hobby?

Right now Zelmo I am just about ready for anything. When did you want to go?

My interpretation was that BC was flyin' solo and w/out spousage. Maybe that's a faulty assumption.

I like the question, though. Kinda 'Zelmo-esque'.......in a good way, of course......

I think I'll ponder the question for a bit.

TB

After I blow up OM's car. I'll need to make a hasty retreat.

We may need "badges"(or "stinkin badges").

We moved to start over and then we separated.
I did do some volunteer work for a while and I am still feeling lonely so I still seek answers
I lost the house in the separation and am not allow animals in my apartment.
I have not developed much for hobbies yet. I guess I am boring. I love to ride my motorcycle, but it is winter, not much fun sliding on two wheels, and its cold.

I am trying to return to work, I have applied for a new job and hope I get it. My problem was I was very good at working, and it demanded a lot of my time, so that is what I did, I worked and spent time with my family. I have been told I needed to be more selfish and spend some time on myself. Now I understand why.

"Zelmo-esque in a good way", isn't that redundant, TB?

Try strip clubs.

Can you move? Find a warmer climate where not only can you ride your motorcycle, but maybe you can find work. Why stay where you are?

Are you over 50? There are clubs for folks like us (one in my community meets on the second or third Tuesday -- I'm going to check it out). You have a computer, why not try meetup.com? Find people who share your interests and go to gatherings.

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take cooking lessons! I'm also going to get involved with some gardening activities (not because I like gardening, but I'm stuck with the house and the garden...).

I refuse to get 'stuck.'

That's a great idea Fred thanks for the suggestion. Keep those ideas flowing.

When I read Fred's post, Pep I immediately thought, "I like him!"

You will be fine, Fred.

God's Blessings,

Say

Fred's looking to meet chicks. I am starting bible study for the same reason.

You know what, Pep? A.A. taught me that I can be miserable all by myself. I had been miserable. I don't have to be miserable any more.

Ain't none of us gettin' any younger. Not enough time to stay miserable.

But Bible study...? I think I gotta draw the line somewhere.

Z, I was just doing it for effect. You know - accentuating the obvious.......

TB

Zelmo

Pepperband is just being kind to me because she likes my signature line.

BCB,


AS you know I am not in your situation. But, I did spend most of my early years (14 schools in 12 years) learning to meet people although I was a very shy kid. Go where there are people. Join a church, something I think you already know and do. Join a travel group or a hiking club. If you like to read find a library and inquire about book clubs. If you are going back to work after your retirement, you will meet people there.

Volunteer some more, heck even tutor kids. Take classes. I have decided when I retire I am going to take art lessons and learn how to paint. I love art and if I had a lot of money I would squander it on art. So when I retire I am going to learn how to paint and perhaps do some teaching.

Take some college classes if you have a college near you. I always wanted to take those "double speak" psych courses I could never take while I was in college.

My suggestion, learn, grow, do and be around people.

JL