I am just venting, Pep. Everytime i go off like hthis, i can look back and pinpoint the trigger. Those conferences -man, it sucks.
But, beleive me, the guy i go to has made me dig deep. This will not happen to me again.
in spite of my antagonism, I am. by nature, a Pleaser. Everyone likes me(well, maybe not Skald and tst((oh, and there are the mods, now)) and , other than in athletic endeavors and court, i have always let folks walk in me like this.
I say no, a lot, now. I call folks on their crap.

You know, i hate being a lawyer. I took the Strong/Campbell and they said whatever you do, don't be a lawyer. Sheepherding was said to be my niche.

I would be better with the sheep, though. Firm but fair.

After your weiner comments, I'm not sure you should be around sheep either ....

You aren't a Kiwi by any chance Zelmo?

They are fond of sheep too.

I thought you might go there. But, I wanted to give you a nice meatball down the middle of the plate.

LOL Pep - no doubt she'll kill ME (so will Lil)

There was another Shepherd who apparently had quite an influence on His sheep. I understand they "knew His voice" and realized He would protect them and guide them if they would listen.

Perhaps you have a new calling Zelmo.

Hey, I met Frank Nobilo at the range in Florida, BK. Kiwis are really nice folks.
I met Jen on another board before I got kicked off of it(surprise). We PM'd. Her dad was a lawyer and a golfer.

Zelmo is not the Messiah - he's just a naughty boy (with thanks to Monty Python)

My hopes are dashed..

There is a Messiah? How'd that get past so many folks populating this planet?

Jen, which part of MB is this?

TA

I take everything Z says with a wait and see attitude.

Zelmo- this is a little off topic but I wanted to throw something out there for you. There was a thread around here that talked about forgiveness- not sure who posted the topic but there was alot of good stuff on there.

Have you examined the fact that you may be mad- because she cheated on YOU? I mean, who does she think she is to cheat on me? Could it be that that causes you the most anger?

Forgiveness is for you. Not the other person. I was repeated abused by both my mother and my stepfather- every thing- sexual, mental emotional physical. I've spent the last few years in therapy. Above all I was not willing to let them win. Period. I held my head up high and I was strong. It did not break me.

I feel that I have to forgive because Jesus forgave me. I have forgiven my mom and stepcreep but it doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt from time to time- it does. But if I stay bitter and hole myself up in the house forever- and choose not to have a relationship ever again- then I am the one who suffers- not them. They are both dead now- and to be honest they did't care one way or the other- while I carried all the anger and pain around with me- They Did Not.

My mother was BPD. No one is ever promised that we won't suffer pain in life- and the pain I've experienced is bad- but not as much as my Savior did for me. Just some thoughts.

Yeah, I understand that concept, Coacheswife, that holding onto the anger is bad for me and has no effect on the offender.
And, yes, I am pretty angry that my XWW was so abuisve(cheating being considered the worst form of emotional abuse).

But, really, is is appropriate to forgive someone who has never apologized or even admitted that abuse?

Janis Abram Spring talks about the distinction between acceptance and forgiveness. Both set you free. But , forgiveness absolutely requires an apology and accepance of responsibility.

Look, this is not consuming me. I am, for the most part, pretty happy. I am about to buy a condo. I will play competitive golf again this season. I have lots of great friends and family. My kids are great.

But, i am not forgiving someone who does not apologize. And, IRL, I am really very forgiving. I do not hold grudges, for the most part.

I understand. My therapist once asked me "What would it take for you to be over this?" and I immediately said "As long as she will apologize and he will apologize I could work towards having a relationship with them" She looked me right in the eye and said "Your mother has a BPD and she will never admit the abuse or even talk about it because she knows that would make her a bad mother- and above all else she does not think she is" She said that I needed to be able to do that- to take it off of me- even if they never admitted or apologized" And none of them ever did.

If she's borderline Zelmo- you are not going to get that. She's mentally ill and incapable of being sincere. The closest my mom came to it was "I know I do mean things all the time and I don't know why". I tried to get her into therapy and she would never go.

I'm not saying you don't have a life etc- just a thought.

Yeah, I agree . An apology will not be forthcoming and i need to just let it go.