Atena, you are renting space in your head to your XH. Stop doing that. It only hurts you and does nothing to him.

Yes, Fred..I know, it is my thoughts that are killing me I am always thinking about what he is doing with her.
As Pepper said, he is in a shaky situation with OW and the issue here is beyond OW. He is broken, messed up, shattered and lost. If you forget about your son, your family (ok, I am not including myself as he hates me) but one's son?!!! Then you are really messed up!
blessing

You know, this is exactly what I see in my WXH and his OW. But the truth is, he's not really that guy. He's really just a rude, thoughtless, self-absorbed jerk who's still in the phase of trying to impress her, just like he used to try to impress me. I KNOW who he is now and can't be fooled again, but she doesn't. She'll find out, however, in due time.

Imagine this: once you are free of him (legally and emotionally), you will be able to find someone who is actually nice and affectionate - because that's the way he is, not because he's trying to entrap you!!!! These guys are out there. And they don't lie and cheat and they actually place value on people other than themselves. It's hard for women like us to imagine this because we've invested so much of our lives in the other kind. But believe me, these men do exist!!!

Atena,

I think you are in the anger phase, and that is very good because it means you are going through the right steps of grieving.

Hang on! it will get better.

Atena, you are challenged as I am by seeing WH at work. It is a reminder.

When I know I am going to see XH and OW I say a prayer, take a deep breath and ask God to put on my "shield of armor" to protect me. It really helps.

We all go through the woulda, coulda, shoulda. How many times have i thought if I could turn back time. We can't.

We have to play what we are dealt with. But keep that Ace up your sleeve. Don't let your WH see you as a victim, it feeds into their arrogance and fog. When they see you as confident then they start to crumble.

Keep praying, drive away negative thoughts and yes post here.

Athena, I know what you mean about your friends telling you to move on. I keep telling people that the one thing I am utterly sick of is defending MY decisions.

I keep getting people telling me that I need to move on. Good for me, now I can find someone who will treat me better. I am a good person and I deserve better. "Once a cheater, always a cheater." That I am CRAZY for even thinking about forgiving him, it's done and he moved on. It's OVER.

I tell some people about this website, and explain the concepts on here. I tell them that MB concepts also encourage PERSONAL R. That my Plan B is to help me R personally and to remove me from the drama as much as possible(sometimes I get drawn in a little with WH's dealings with DS's).

It gets tiring sometimes, but people have noticed that I do seem to be handling this well. I tell them that it has to do with MB concepts. Then I tell them that if it helps me handle it well, isn't that a good thing.

I agree with many of the posters on here. When I am having an "OFF" day because I am stressed about something, I stay off of certain people's threads. I have also read people's threads who have R(either their M or through D) and see how it is possible. I help new BS's when I can. I re-read the articles and concepts on here.

One thing I found helps the best is writing my own journal. It is something that noone else ever will see and I don't read it again, but it helps to get all of my feelings out.