This June will be 26 years married. Up until October of 2008 when I discoverd a prepurchase cell phone in her purse everything was supper between us. We seldom fought, did everything together, made love several times a week. After finding the phone she then told me she was having an affair. If I could have told her I screwed up once to, I would have, but I never did. I have always been faithful. After finding out who it was I knew it had been going on for almost 2 years. She said it was over between them (and it really was, he was just using her) I left for few days but could not stand being away from my children. I decided to try to work it out. I took her hand, and we got down on our knees and prayed. Weeks went by with lots of crying and praying. I was absolutly devastated, hurt, angry and all the above. I did tell her I forgive her but it is hard to forget. After 4 months she asked me how long was this going to go on. In other words she didnt want to talk about anymore. I then told myself Im done. A month later I started talking to an old friend and things just happened between us. I asked my wife to move out and she did, however she never wanted to give up on me. She then started going to church and re-didicated herself to God. Several months went by and then she found out about the girl I was seeing. When faced with the actuality of losing her I decided to try to mend our marrige again and quit seeing the other girl. I had been living single for about 8 months and sleeping better than I had in years. All she did was cry contineuly, and wouldnt tell me what was wrong. 4 weeks later I found myself back with my girfriend. This last Christmas season I decided for my childrens sake to have my family all together. My wife and I never had stopped talking, and we continued to get along with each other. I am not an angry person, and I normally keep my emotions to myself. I decided to lose the girlfriend after Christmas and I did. We started doing counsling with our pastor. The first session we all agreed everything is out on the table and there are no secrets. In other words I asked for complete honesty. My wife has alway had a problem with telling the truth so that makes it harder to trust her. Things were going good between us, until this last Monday. A week ago I was praying that all truth continue to be reveiled between us and I felt like there was more she wasnt telling me. I asked her about the past again and she said there was never anyone else. Then I asked her about the last 6 months and she told me bits and pieces about an affair with her neighbor last Sept.(she slept with him a day before we tried to work things out before) After telling a few lies she finally told be the complete truth telling me she will never lie to me again. I was devasted, not to mention a guy I serve on the fire Dept with. She claims it was just a one night stand. The past year she has been claiming God is changing her and she would do anything to have me back. The verse you will know them by their fruits keeps coming to my mind. I feel like I dont even know what love is anymore. I no im not perfect, and am not going to claim to me a model Christian but Im not the type of person to have a one night stand with anyone. My gut feeling is to quit and give up. She told me tomight that it would never happen again, how can I belive that. I do not want to be hurt again. Am I making the right decision?

Honesty is essential to a marriage. You might have to polygraph her. this will speed up the process.

Please continue to read Marriage builder articles. Many guys do not know how bad the marriage is until the lady walks out. You and I can learn lots of essential points from these passages.

#1 NO "other girls" No excuses. You cannot preach what you fail to practice yourself.

#2 Buy SAA (Surviving An Affair) - locally or via this site's bookstore (link far left side of red bar, top of page) Read it together, if possible.

#3 Eliminate love busting behaviors. No excuses. List is found under "Basic Concepts" - (again look at the links in the red bar top of page)

#4 Stop fighting. If you and your wife cannot have a disagreement without fighting, excuse yourself until you can control yourself and not fight.

#5 Every day, ask your wife, "Is there anything I can do for you today?" If she says something hurtful or something unreasonable, walk away & ask again the next day.

Welcome to MB

.... and for the rest of us, please use paragraphs.

What Pepperband said. PLEASE!