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Marriage Builders Forums Infidelity Surviving an Affair What a mess!!! WH found out by DD15

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Re: What a mess!!! WH found out by DD15 Derrah #2322810 02/12/10 01:14 PM
Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp P Pepperband Member
Pepperband Member P Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp	Originally Posted by Derrah [quote=Pepperband]It's the FEAR .... by Star*Fish Thank you. I really needed to read this. It is spot on!!! I'm going to print it out and place it where I read this every day. You're welcome. This is my favorite part .... Quote MB is not designed to trap you in a marriage where your feelings are crushed and disrespected or the vows of marriage are meaningless. It's designed to help you overcome fear and give you hope that marriages CAN recover from infidelity....but you must be brave and be willing to risk losing your WS in order to regain trust, fidelity, security. LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders

Re: What a mess!!! WH found out by DD15 MarriedForever #2322822 02/12/10 01:30 PM
Joined: Jan 2010 Posts: 31 D Derrah OP Member
OP Derrah Member D Joined: Jan 2010 Posts: 31	Originally Posted by MarriedForever You find an IM (InterMediary) to pass all info regarding kids and finances (and that is IT) back and forth between you and WH. You have no conctact with him WHATSOEVER. That is the whole point of Plan B. Do you have a friend who might be willing to pass this info back and forth? When I was in PB our IM passed info strictly via email and text messages. I think there may have been 1 or 2 phone calls due to emergencies but mostly she stuck to email and TMing us about things. Can you help me understand how an IM works? I can't think of anyone right off. My WH has cut off relationship with all of his family and mine, most of our couple friends are gone, I have friends who might be willing to do this, but they are not "his" friends too. Of his two closest friends - one is the OW's best friend (and had been close friends with me for 20 years) and the other is also still in contact with OW (she is on his Facebook page). Thoughts? BS-me 42yrs WH-him 50yrs OW 31yrs and single married 18yrs together 21yrs DD15 DS12 D-Day#1 6/14/2009 DD15 discovered A WH moves out 6/14/2009 WH asks to reconcile 6/21/2009 WH asks for D 7/18/2009 WH asks to reconcile 9/14/2009 WH sees therapist 9/2009 No active recovery right now

Re: What a mess!!! WH found out by DD15 Derrah #2322825 02/12/10 01:32 PM
Joined: Jan 2010 Posts: 31 D Derrah OP Member
OP Derrah Member D Joined: Jan 2010 Posts: 31	Also, want to re-ask this question. What do I tell my children about going NC. What do you think of telling them something like... "In September, Dad said he was sorry and he was willing to work on the marriage. He was willing to get help for his alcohol problem and he was willing to get rid of the OW. He is no longer willing to work on the marriage, he has stopped getting help for his alcohol problem, and he is still talking to the OW. Because of this, I will no longer see Dad or talk to him until he is willing to do the steps I have asked him to. I will continue to text/email Dad so that DS12 can see him." BS-me 42yrs WH-him 50yrs OW 31yrs and single married 18yrs together 21yrs DD15 DS12 D-Day#1 6/14/2009 DD15 discovered A WH moves out 6/14/2009 WH asks to reconcile 6/21/2009 WH asks for D 7/18/2009 WH asks to reconcile 9/14/2009 WH sees therapist 9/2009 No active recovery right now

Re: What a mess!!! WH found out by DD15 Derrah #2322834 02/12/10 01:46 PM
Joined: May 2002 Posts: 2,965 T turtlehead Member
turtlehead Member T Joined: May 2002 Posts: 2,965	Originally Posted by Derrah Also, want to re-ask this question. What do I tell my children about going NC. What do you think of telling them something like... "In September, Dad said he was sorry and he was willing to work on the marriage. He was willing to get help for his alcohol problem and he was willing to get rid of the OW. He is no longer willing to work on the marriage, he has stopped getting help for his alcohol problem, and he is still talking to the OW. Because of thisBecause I love your Dad, this causes me unbearable pain. Thus, I will no longer see Dad or talk to him until he is willing to do the steps I have asked him to. I will continue to text/email Dad so that DS12 can see him." Make your Plan B letter short and then edit half of it out. It is a love letter: I love you Your actions cause me undue pain I am severing connections to protect what love I have left YOU CAN COME HOME BY DOING XYZ You can put in a short paragraph about WH being able to visit DS 12 on Wednesdays and every weekend where the Saturday is an odd number, or whatever you guys have been doing thus far. ANY changes to the pre-arranged schedule must go through the IM. Last edited by turtlehead; 02/12/10 01:47 PM. Emotional Needs Love Busters Plans A/B

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