Last night my wife was upstairs. I was watching some tv and I heard her text message tone go off. I went to see who it was and it was one of her friends.

Now this friend is Filipina, however she usually always speaks English in mixed company, (my wife doesn't use that common courtesy very often). And she usually texts my wife either in complete English, or some Tagalog, but mostly English.

Well this text was fully in Tagalog. So a red flag went up and I sent the text to a Filipino friend of mine and he said it said basically, '(a guys name), said you had not stopped by lately and to call HIM when you can'.

So I was like, humm, ok.

In the morning I said her friend texted her and I said, as I usually do, 'what did she say'?

My FWW said, 'oh, she just said she got gas last night and her one friend who worked there said hi as she has not seen you for a while, (this person is another Filipina woman who works there at the gas station).

So I was like, umm, ok, is that it? She said yea. I said who is this guy who wants you to call him when you can?

She got defensive and said it was just a guy at the gas station who she knows because she gets gas there all the time. She stops in and talks to him and the other Filipina woman all the time.

I said, if its not a big deal then why did you lie to me? She gets pissed at me for not trusting her...I said, you are mad at me for not trusting you, but you left out an important part of the text...a guy said for you to call him. I am not sure if anything is going on or not, but you were lying to me about what the text said. She again is pissed at ME for not trusting her....but she seems to not understand that she was the one who had just lied to me 10 minutes before.

It never connected with her and I got freaken angry how she doesn't understand anything.

I get more frustrated daily it seems. I want to trust her, then this happens. It may not seem like a big deal, but it is to me.

You're not wrong.

BIG.RED.FLAG there. Not only did she lie to you, it appears that she now has a friend that's covering for her.

Nope, you weren't wrong.

She is still wayward-thinking. I'd be snooping for any newer affairs than 1988.

Yea I mean this one friend almost 100% of the time mixes her English, or will do it fully in English, I can't recall ever seeing full Tagalog before. So a red flag went up.

I dunno, I just feel its wrong. I drove over to the gas station today, after I had some tattoo work done. He was not working today. I have actually met the guy a few times, as I get gas there sometimes. I do not think he knows who my wife is.

He probably does know and doesn't care who she is.

Something is screwy, or her friend wouldn't have tried to be sneaky about giving her the message. It doesn't sound like she is ACTIVELY up to anything with him, but at the very least, I think there has been some flirting going on and the guy probably wants to take it further.

Maybe a nice chat with the guy the next time you get gas? Just so he understands that it is inappropriate for him to be asking your wife to call him and to let him know that she has a husband who WILL defend his marriage. All done in a very low-key way, of course.

COD:


Then why did he ask for a call?

Have you ever heard of BS "Fog?"

AND, no way is your wife THAT dense. She knows full well why you don't trust her and she knows she does NOT deserve trust.

Her feigned outrage is just a smokescreen.



This deal is going to eat on your insides until you find a resolution that makes sense.

Don't, do NOT, take any guilt trips. You are too dang old for guilt trips, that is for teenagers trying to figure it out.

Time for some snooping.

Larry

Bulls eye, bingo, dead on. Er, I think you're right

Larry

Doesn't sound like the guys phone number was in the text. So, that must mean that your wife should already know his number if the message was just to give him a call. Why would your wife know this guys number? Sorta implies that she has already been talking to him doesn't it?

I also agree with Larry. She is pulling a classic manipulation maneuver on you by deflecting things back on you with the 'you don't trust her carpola'..... Don't fall for that.

Mindshare

If you get a text message, aka: sms, then the phone number is always included in the header of the message as to who it is from. Names only appear if they are in you phone's phone book.

To return a phone call from most cell phones you can just choose the option to call the sender and it will figure out who sent the message and place the call.

You don't have to include the phone number in the body of the sms because it is in the header...can't block it and send a sms.

Lots of red flags waving but this ain't proof of anything incriminating.

Mark

Mark, I believe it was WW's friend who texted with the message that "man friend" wanted her to call. All done in Tagalog. No phone number *is* significant, in this case.

She isn't angry at you for not trusting her.
She is angry because you caught her lying.

You said you want to trust her. That is a critical mistake.
Put the onus on her to EARN your trust. Make her work for it.

Of course I know this Mark. However, from what I read he said the text came from a friend of his wife and it was in tagalog. Therfore, if she is to respond to this text and call OM she would have to 'know' his number already.

Mindshare

codtej,

I have no words of wisdom to impart other than I'm sorry you are hurting....

not2fun

I take that back....I do have some words....

Stick to one thread. It makes it easier to follow your story and for fact reference.

If something important comes up (like this), you can always change your thread title in order to get more traffic. Just hit the "notify mods" botton and let them know what you want to change the title to....

not2fun

Codtej,

Is your Wife ethnic Chinese or part Chinese from the Philipines?

Gamma

'N2F', I do have another thread that was started a while back, but it has nothing to do with this topic. I suppose I could've kept that thread going and just changed subjects? Or did you say keep the same thread and change the subject title? Then all of the other posts would not make sense...? humm

'Gamma', no she isn't, her moms maiden name is actually Hispanic. 'Schoolbus', yes I've seen that service, and I do know some tagalog, but I have many Filipino friends who do not know my wife, so I can translate without a problem. Sometime the syntax gets screwed up with those translation sites.

I am sure there is nothing going on with that guy, even so, her not telling me the truth when asked is my bigger concern. She says she knew how I'd react, so its MY fault she lied...just like the A's...I put her in the emotional state to do what she did.

We had a good day today, despite the problems. We were out to the beach, had a nice dinner, good time together.

It's not smart to ignore serious red flags and to just sweep things under the rug....

I'm just saying....

Best of luck to you!

Yea I do not ignore stuff, if it seems wrong or off, then to me its better to err on the side of caution.

I was burned in the past because of not confronting things properly.

She came up and said she was sorry and she was wrong for not being honest about the text. That is a lot for her because for some reason she has issues about saying sorry and admitting wrong. She rarely, if ever, will do so, even when its obvious. Through that in with her anger issues, and lets just say it can be a handful at times.

His number isn't in her phone book, and she doesn't know it, (she says and I believe her, *I think*)....I am moving on, with one eye open on it though.