Saw this on a female married acquaintance's Facebook page:

Hey maleguy!! Good to hear from you ! I remember you too...those were the fun days huh ?! Now we stand up and hear our knees go " crack "!!! What are you up to these days ? Ya maleguy2 was/is funny ! Thanks for the compliment on my pics...I still need to get more on this ..I do have one of maleguy2 I should post. Anyway...fill me in !

I just want to scream "STOP NOW"

I agree this kind of "innocent" correspondence is entirely innapropriate for a married woman.

My question to you is,

What are you, a married man, doing reading on a "female married acquaintance's" Facebook page?

Valid question.

It was a caption on a picture this wife had linked to one of her church friends page (a male).

I don't know about inappropriate but just so dangerous.

"Dangerous" conversations between married people of the opposite sex is inappropriate in my book. It's willfully skating on the slippery slope, and that's inappropriate.

Sounds like you think you had a valid, "innocent" reason for going to her Facebook page. After all, it was a church friend and those contacts are safe, right? You probably thought nothing about it. Next thing you know, your privy to friendly, personal conversations between married people of the opposite sex, and maybe before you know it you're having one yourself. And you just "wandered" into it.

I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm sure you had no motive other than curiousity. But, your innocent lurking on a married woman's Facebook is why I don't think married people should have social networking accounts. In your own words, it's just too dangerous.

My opinion only, of course. Take it or leave it.

And that is why when two people get married they should SHARE an FB account!

Rumor has it that Facebook is going to start charging $3.99 per month for accounts beginning in July.

That should dry up some of these users.

You are preaching to the choir here. I agree completely.

I didn't even mean to end up at this lady's site. I was on a friend of mines page and he had thumbs up'd a picture of someone who looked familiar. I click on it and it her page with the caption I quoted.

Just way to easy for people to get in trouble.

Just playing devils advocate here, but presumably this exchange was posted on her wall - i.e. a quasi-public bulletin board where all her FB friends can read it, possibly others depending on her privacy settings. As such, her husband has equal access to it, regardless of whether or not they know each other's passwords. (face it, how many of us here knew their spouse's passwords before the A?) Furthermore, she most likely has her status as married, so this "maleguy" is aware of this, even if they haven't seen each other since long before the wedding. So how does this differ from going to the supermarket with your spouse, running into someone you knew way back when and shouting "Hi, long time no see!" Are married people supposed to be rude and ignore anyone and everyone from the opposite sex?

I'm not defending this at all, but I'm just saying that the public nature of the posting is hardly secretive and we may be overreacting just a wee bit here (though we are a sensitive group!).

I sooo hope that this is true. FB has been nothing but trouble for me.

I guess what got me was why would any "maleguy" "comment" on a picture of another guys wife?

I remember when my wife had a Myspace account and the scum that would comment on her pictures and proposition her even knowing she was married was sick. One of these sickos was how my wife started down the slippery slope.

I'm sure the husband of the lady in OP would find nothing wrong with the comment on his wife's picture now. In reality he should though.

This discussions has been on MB many times, however i am now and have always been in the group that feels social networking is a HORRIBLE thing. It is not something that i have to worry about as neither me (except for MB) or my H belong to facebook or myspace or twitter or any other internet anything.

And FWIW i would not be rude to a member of the opposite sex that i saw from my past, however it would not be much more than a "hi". I would not try to "catch up" with them in any way shape or form. Too slippery for me.......

I'm just saying that we really don't know anything about the situation. Maleguy could be a mutual friend of the husband and wife. He could even be a relative for all you know. There was no secrecy here. I think we BS's are oversensitized at times.

I guess one reason I don't cringe at FB as much is that I don't have an FWS, or even a wannabe-F WS, so I'm not dealing with rebuilding a relationship that was damaged. FB was very new when my marriage broke down - I didn't get on it until after the dust settled and it played no part in WXH's A. I can see how it could be a tool for fueling affairs, but that just makes me wonder if these waywards are the ones that just weren't smart enough to have an affair the old fashioned way. It is still the same poor boundaries that allow it to happen.

My Wxh started his affair with an office mate on FB. However, I don't blame FB. I blame his state of mind which he allowed to fester and control him. When he set up a FB account, I set up one---that made him angry. Red flag number one. He spent time on it in the evenings and would not even look up at me. Red flag number two. This went on for months.

FB can be a lot of fun. Like anything it can be a time waster and a it can be the gateway to trouble if boundaries are not carefully monitored. I don't see it as much different than email which only 10 years or so ago was also 'new'.

I have a male friend I've been talking on the phone to and have seen a couple of times...and we get on FB while we are talking and have a blast. I think about how different that is from when my now XH got FURIOUS that I opened aFB when he did. He said I couldn't let him have anything of his 'own.' My feeling is that a married couple should feel trust toward each other. If that requires sharing passwords then that is how it should be. I've thought about that for a future relationship. How do *I* feel about sharing my FB password with any future husband? I don't want secrets on either side...but hard to know where to draw the line.

It really all boils down to trust and proper behavior and proper personal boundaries. When Xwh first got on FB I discovered he had friended my cousin. There had been accusations about them years ago which they both denied (turns out they were true) but I felt enough 'off' about it that I raised holy heck until he took her off his friends list. You know what that accomplished? Nothing. They took their correspondance to Yahoo IM. I discovered their sick conversations when I installed a keylogger. So what I'm saying is avoiding FB doesn't prevent affairs.

I don't know anything about FB as i have never been on it, i guess what i am saying is that to me (and that is just me) iternet social sites should be a boundary for any married person.

Me personally i do not even have a cell phone and i can communiate with anyone that i need to at anytime i want.

FB or the other social networks don't bother me. It's no different than a phone or email. If someone wants to cheat they are going to cheat. After an A though, the WS should not be on such sites if it bothers the BS or if the OP is on there.

The only thing FB did was enable me to identify who OM was. WW never used it to communicate (and still rarely uses it to this day, from what I understand).

She and he were "friends." No one else in our large circle of A.A. friends was on his page. In fact, he lists only about six people total as his friends.

Of course no one will be harmed by avoiding social internet sites. I'm curious though why you feel so strongly about something you admit you know nothing about.

No cell phone? Wow. I am in awe of anyone who still doesn't have one. In this age of technology it is almost impossible to avoid new things. We all have to be true to our personal boundaries regardless of what new contraption comes along. For instance, with pay per view TV a person could watch porn in their home and no one would ever know. Doesn't change whether or not it is right or wrong though.

Well, I'm on FB, and I think it all boils down to having good boundaries.

I do not get into private messaging with men.

I am "friends" with a high school boyfriend; I'm also friends with his wife. I do kid around with him, and his wife joins in. Just generic, smart-alecky type of stuff.

I say NOTHING to anyone that I wouldn't say in front of my own or their spouse.

If my husband told me that he wants me to get off FB, I would do so.

I agree LC. My FB page is open and signed in all the time because it is my homepage. DH has no interest in his own friends list but he enjoys the pics of the kids and keeping in touch withh friends in other states and countries. I always ask him before I approve a FB friend.

I can see how it could become a problem but I believe we take EP to keep that from happening.

God's Blessings,

Say