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You talked about me to your WH??? Sorry, just had to say it...  I'll be back with some helpful info later.  Yes...even then I was channeling the power of MF. 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I think I will have to purchase a muzzle, I can not keep my mouth shut. Did SH give you some tools to help you in this area? A muzzle really won't work
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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You talked about me to your WH??? Sorry, just had to say it... I'll be back with some helpful info later. Yes...even then I was channeling the power of MF. 
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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BTW...isn't he the greatest??? It was incredibly validating to talk to him and get support and to know that you ARE NOT crazy, that WH is. He really is...this is a completely different experience/approach than our local MC. Thank God, because I was done with counseling at that point. Steve is very encouraging and straight-forward. He is the "man with the plan". I like plans I just have to do my part. No LBing. No LBing. No LBing. It's just so hard...because I AM SO GOOD AT IT!!!!
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tst...not really "tools"...just reminded me that this has to come from a 3rd party because he will not hear it from me...and that it causes further damage to our relationship.
I get it. No purpose, only damage. Not a good thing.
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3) Emotional Support
In my sitch, 1&2 aren't an issue, and he said 3 is up to me. And he also said that while 3 might not seem viable to me now, in the future, I might feel differently.
I know you are in great pain.
I hope & pray you have someone who can comfort you when you feel pain. Someone in real life.
Someone to put their arms around you and say soothing things to you.
Sometimes that person can be BaT.
Sometimes it could be a beloved friend, or sibling.
Love can be yours, let it in.
Make room for it.
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Your e-mail idea is wonderful, MF. If I had had the presence of mind to do something like that three years ago when we were going through this, I may have sent it to some family members. I am an intensely private person and did not want my M turned into a gossip circus with "friends" and family bringing over casseroles and lasagna to try to pry the gory details out of me and sneak a peak at the infidel. No moral support would have been worth that.
I have only become able in the last six months or so to comments other than an occasional question on these forums. I never was brave enough to post my story while it was happening. Lately, I have found it to be therapeutic. In that respect perhaps I am also a maverick.
God's Blessings,
Say
Me, BW-57
FWH 54
4 kids and 4 grandbabies between us
In recovery since D-day, May 28,2007
FWH never onboard the MB boat but still clinging to the side.
One day at a time by God's grace.
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I get it. No purpose, only damage. Not a good thing. It is tough but keep reminding yourself that. For me, my kids were a great source of strength. I knew I had to bite my tongue at times if my family ever had a change of staying intact. If you feel the pressure building, remove yourself before you explode.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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No LBing. No LBing. No LBing. It's just so hard...because I AM SO GOOD AT IT!!!! {{{{hbh}}}}}, OMG...... So am I!!!!!...... and for the record, I never thanked H either, HOWEVER he didn't answer questions for a LONG LONG time. Usually, I found information on my own accord. I might have thanked him had he been forthcoming...... Anyway,......I just wanted to say hang in there. It sounds like you found some peace I talking with Steve. And I was never a "Plan" kind of girl, but I learned from here just how useful PLANS can be....  not2fun
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HBH,
I lived in perpetual trigger mode in our early recovery.
It was my biggest challenge. I could not turn off the thoughts that continuously raced through my head.
tst and I counseled with SH's sister, Jennifer. Her main focus with me was helping me work through triggers. She told me step-by-step what to do when I felt one coming on.
I can post my notes here, if that would be helpful to you.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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I can post my notes here, if that would be helpful to you. That would be great...thanks!!! Triggers are everywhere!! My favorite portrait of my little one is the time OW took her for the photo shoot, the first of every month I make payments on that STUPID RV, I just can't even list them...the other day I got upset because WH was drinking coffee...POSOW used to bring him his coffee..... give it to me SMB...i need some help 
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Step 1: Sell the RV. Sell the RV. Sell the RV.
The triggers that can be eliminated NEED to be eliminated.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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Step 1: Sell the RV. Sell the RV. Sell the RV.
The triggers that can be eliminated NEED to be eliminated. I got a call from the auto shop yesterday. WW had taken the car in for service. Total charge: $1400. I agreed to pay for routine service and "normal" wear and tear. So, I agreed. When WW returns the vehicle to me at the end of next month, it's sold.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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MF, Believe me, if I would I could...not alot of people stepping up to buy a $200k motorhome in this economy... I sold both of our vehicles and got new ones... Got rid of "offensive" furniture.... Old house is on the market Boat and RV are "for sale" but not sold Working on moving the office, but have to wait until lease is up... Why couldnt WH and OW just go to fing hotel room?!?!? 
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Why couldnt WH and OW just go to fing hotel room?!?!? Unfortunately, that wouldn't solve all your problems...the one FWH and POSOW went to is a big chain and we see them all over the place...I still trigger when I see them. Good job on getting rid of the triggers you can, and working on getting rid of the RV and boat.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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P.S. NEVER acquiesce to keeping any triggers because your H is throwing a temper tantrum over it. NEVER.
I did this for a long time and it created a LOT of resentment. I finally threw every.d*mn.trigger away and there was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
I held onto some that I *thought* I could deal with and eventually get over but I never did. Those eventually had to be eliminated as well, but I waited too long. My denial in how badly they were effecting me caused further damage and added to my anger.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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MF... WH tried that for a short while...I bought him a Rolex for his BD...OW screwed him for his BD...  He wanted to keep that watch so badly... Jewelry is hard for me...i haven't worn my wedding ring in months...that's another trigger story for another day Oh, and then there's the fun story where OW broke into our house, stole a diamond ring of mine and wore it as her wedding ring for 2 months (she told OWH that she had "lost" her wedding ring and her friend let her borrow this one).... I think I should write a book...maybe that would be therapeutic...
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Why couldn't WH and OW just go to fing hotel room?!?!? I dunno, maybe they did. You need to ask him. Once you have the LBs under control, that is. Just write it down for now.
"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan
"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky
WS: They are who they are.
When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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Oh, and then there's the fun story where OW broke into our house, stole a diamond ring of mine and wore it as her wedding ring for 2 months (she told OWH that she had "lost" her wedding ring and her friend let her borrow this one).... Whhhaaaat???  This OW was obviously of the bunny-boiler variety.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Believe me, if I would I could...not alot of people stepping up to buy a $200k motorhome in this economy...
Boat and RV are "for sale" but not sold I hate to see you triggered by these things. How do you feel about charitable donation? I happen to be the chairman of a "For Profit" organization called the "Association for getting Gack1 a boat and RV" Our people would be happy to take these painful reminders off your hands, and I assure you they would be put to use by a good family. It may even be tax deductible, what do you say?
Last edited by Gack1; 02/16/10 01:50 PM.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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