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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 80
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 80 |
My husband is getting an apartment tomorrow. I have a 4 yr. old and a 1 1/2 yr. old. He is saying that it is temporary and just doesn't want to be around me right now. What do I tell my children? Do I tell them before or after he moves?
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 165
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 165 |
Ann I know you are the betrayer, but why is he moving out, is there no way that you two can sleep separately? I think it is both your responsibilies to tell your children.<P>I hope that if he is moving out he intends to return to spend time with the kids. I know he is hurting, but he must also think of your kids. The affair was your choice, moving out is his choice, what does he want to tell the kids? Try and get your H to reconsider, promise him some space and try to share this site with him. Have you read After the Affair by Spring. Give your H a copy.
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798 |
In my opinion, your H should tell the 4 year old he's not going to be living at home anymore, simultaneously reassuring the child that they are loved. <P>Of course, you can't make your H do the decent thing, so if he won't do it, you'll have to.<P>A veteran of H moving out 6 times, kids age 14 & 11...The first time he informed me at the same time as the kids (ugh), 2nd & 3rd he told them by himself, the 4th & 5th we both were there, the 6th I told them alone. It never gets any easier.<P><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P>
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 80
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Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 80 |
We have been sleeping separately for almost two years because he snores so loud. I know that sounds silly but I couldn't get any sleep w/ him in the same room. He travels all the time anyway, so there won't be a huge adjustment for the children. He says he just needs some time. <P>He does love the children very much and will spend as much time he can w/ them. I'm not worried about that. He is a wonderful father. <BR>
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937 |
Ann,<P>I separated from my wife and kids for a while (Plan B). My daughter, who was 4, doesn't really remember it much. My son, who was 8, does remember but hasn't really mentioned it much since.<P>I think that you probably don't need to make a major issue out of this, especially given your husband's traveling, and his willingness to parent when he is around. But you should use this opportunity to discuss it with your husband---apply the Policy of Joint Agreement and come to a decision you both agree with.<p>[This message has been edited by K (edited October 22, 1999).]
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