wherenext

you will find that ALL waywards lie and you may come to find out that not as many people know as you think and exposure kils an afafir as it brings the "secrecy" out of it......

i cant think of anyone left to tell without exposing myself to litigation

I'm curious.. if your intent is to speak the truth about your situation, exactly how will this be "exposing yourself to litigation"?

sorry i mean, if i attempt to say anything at the workplaces it would put me in a vulnerable situation if they claim harrassment, i am not sure how it works in the states but here in the uk, people can be charged with causing harrassment and defamation

I think you need to familiarize yourself more with UK law. Any claim of defamation will be defeated if you can prove that what you said is true. Based on what you've said here, I think I can assume that you already have more than enough proof that your H is involved in an A. And do you really believe that your H and his OW are going to accuse you of "harrassment" because you've exposed their adulterous A?

I suspect that you're letting your fear talk for you. I know, because I was in a similar position to what you are in now, and I unfortunately let my fear talk for me back then.

would you suggest i write to the managers or is their a more effective way, i dont have access to the workplace

The normally-suggested approach here is to write to their immediate manager, CC'd to their HR department. There's a sample letter around on the forum somewhere.

wherenext, there is a saying in the U.S: "Truth is an absolute defense in cases of libel or slander." If you have incontrovertible proof of your husband's affair, I would do as others suggest: send a letter exposing the affair to his management and to the Human Resources department.

Morals and ethics trump "harassment" if done properly.

does it have a title that i can search for, i have tried the normal search

please can i just add again, that i am so grateful to everyone who is replying to me and today is the first day that i dont feel so totally desperate and dying.

wherenext, you should also call up his family and expose the affair. They need to be told the truth. They were told lies by your H.

Secondly, it is not against the law as far as I know to tell the truth. Your H's company is at legal risk because of this affair so they need to know. Here is a template letter that was formulated by a corporate attorney on our board:

Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney. This letter should be mailed/delivered to the Director of HR, with cc's to a key VP and the infidel's supervisors. It should go to 3 people with all being cc'd so that no one is tempted to throw the letter away.

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

BS

thank you i will have to try and re word it slightly.

please can i just add an abstract of yesterdays last call from him:

him: why are you ignoring my calls, i have left 2 voicemails and you have not bothered to reply.
me: explained had been busy and didnt have phone with me

this was followed by general chit chat/household stuff

him: i am worried about how you will cope moneywise
me: i am fine darling... i am sorry i said that it was force of habit

him: you can call me darling when ever you like to

we then had a laugh about an old song and problems he was having with his phone, then he said speak to you soon, take care

then off he went to his other womans house

This is called cake-eating. He wants the OW and wants you to still like/love him.

ah! so what do you suggest my next move should be ?

wherenext, there are a number of posters on here from the U.K. I would suggest you ask them about the legalities. But you have already been given stellar advice (and links) by the likes of MelodyLane, krusht and ManInMotion --I suggest you read or re-read them as needed-- because the basis of your plan is there.

I can only add this. First, make sure that you want to try to recover your marriage. No one here will try to talk you out of bailing out on it if that's your wish. Your H's affair is a "free pass" by anyone's measure.

Second, if you truly want to save your marriage, you couldn't have come to a better place! However, please don't try to "out think" those who are giving you advice. Because they have already been where you are (and where you are going). No one is here to try to sell you anything or to convert you in any way.

The advice you receive here is solid, practical and proven to be the most effective in killing affairs and rebuilding marriages. Some of it "goes against the grain," but that's because we have been culturally acclimated to being stoic, heroic and idiotic.

Thus, you will get advice that seems "wrong" to you. Guess what? You are the last person right now who is in the right frame of mind to determine what is "right" and "wrong." This is the time to "turn it over" as A.A. members say, and let your "Higher Power" handle it. For now, let MB be your Higher Power...

Have a love affair with your husbnad.

Flirt with him. Need him. Admire him. Entice him back to you.

Tell him you wish he were there. Another day, Tell him you want him to come home. Make reasons for you him to spend time with you.

hi everyone

ok i dont know if i have done right or wrong now, since my last post and all your fantastic advice, i went down the exposure line. i sent a facebook post to her son and he replied that i could not tell him anything new, i put an open post on facebook revealing the truth and have since been deleted from everywhere and everyone.
since our last call tuesday he has not contacted me at all, nothing.
his brother has said he has still been going to her house every evening and returning there to sleep before he goes to work, the only difference is that she is going out with friends this weekend and has told him she will be back late saturday eve, so he will be going to hers then and staying until monday to make up for lost time together.

lexxxy says i should flirt with him, i sent him a text picture with my petname for him added but have not received a reply and nothing since - help

i have just tried to ring his phone but he wont answer or reply to email....

He is probably angry about the exposure. He'll get over it. Have you sent the exposure letter to their work yet?

Also, you are making a big mistake by telling him you are fine with no money. You should have half of the money in your account NOW. Don't depend on his good will. Waywards often blow all of the family money on the OP. Hope your hubby didn't pay for the engagement party.

yes i have sent the work one.

i always say on the phone that i am fine, when he closed off his access to the bak account, he made a deposit after which was my money and a direct debit for half the mortgage, as far as i can tell he has no money till he gets paid again and is using credit cards.

as far as i can make out he didnt pay for the party because he never attended it, using the would be rude to leave early excuse for not going, also she is out with friends tonight and visiting family and friend till late tomorrow - is this another event he is not being invited to or just dont want to go ?????