Will she be moving out, then, to "sort out her feelings?"

She is moving out because I told her to. I told her to move out because I can't live with a wife who lies to me, seeing another man and is in love with another man.

She has begged you for time to "CARRY ON HER AFFAIR." That is all she wants.

good! A good strategy is to wait about 2 weeks and then shut the door in an air tight PLAN B. In 2 weeks the novelty will have worn off and she will be missing you. That is the best time to deliver a Plan B letter.

Exaclty. So did I do the right thing by making her leave. She said she has tried for 6 months to reconnect with me, and stop loving him but she can't. Says I love you and don't want a divorce but I have to have him in my life right now. Love him. Need to talk to him.

She talked to OM today and told him she was not asking him to leave his wife, that was up to him.

Remind me what you mean by wait 2 weeks and shut the door on airtight plan b. What should the letter say?

This is because she is staying in contact with OM!!! Of course she can't get past it and reconnect with you!! Any fool can see that!! That is why NC is so critical to having any chance to save a marriage.

What if the OM leaves his wife? All hope lost?

No. Most A's fail.

If you protect yourself w/ a dark Plan B, you can protect your love for her and can recover your M, once this A unravels.

And it will.

Their A has already been stung by exposure and loss of OM's job.

Does OM have children?

Yes 23 yr old son.

What do I do for the next two weeks?

I told her that exact thing for months and repeated it today in our phone call.

She said she just has to have him in her life somehow.

You need to write a Plan B letter. There are several examples around here.

It is a short love letter to WW that includes a path back to you and a recovered M. It says that she must agree to NO contact FOR LIFE w/ OM, that she must write a letter stating so that you must approve of and send to OM. And that she will agree to M counseling, and whatever else you need to recover your M.

I wrote her a similar letter 2 weeks ago. Stating my desire to make the marriage work but only if 1. There is absolutely no relationship or contact between them. 2. She return to me and be a faithful loving wife she was for 18 yrs.

Told her if she cant do that she should leave.

R2Q,
I'm in no real position to advise you, but to the question above I would say Absolutely Not. The affair is doomed. It's a "relationship" based on lies and secrecy. It will not withstand the light of day.
Per Surviving An Affair (haven't read your background- not sure what you've had a chance to read), if HE leaves, a rough estimate is 6 month of being together before the reality of the fact that they've both been cake-eating sets in and destroys their little fantasy. [vets will correct me if I'm off-base here]
Do you understand the term cake-eating? They are both meeting each other's most important EN's while their actual spouses meet the other EN's. Once they're exclusive with each other they have to show the rest of themselves and their union is not quite so "romantic" anymore.

Either way, you have a long road ahead of you so buckle your seat belt, if you want the marriage you're about to see just what you are capable of to save it, and you ARE capable.
Implementing the plan as you're being advised (here and with Steve) and sticking to it is your best chance.

good luck,
optimism

We are telling our 14 yr old tonight that WW is leaving. I know she will sugar coat it like "just cant make each other happy"

Should I go that route or reveal everything about her affair, she says she loves him, waiting for him to leave his wife?

Read everything you can on here. And read Surviving an A.

Hopefully someone will post an example of a good Plan B letter. You write yours and post it here so others can tweek it for you.

Get all your ducks in a row so that you do not have to contact her about anything after you give her your PB letter. You need to find someone who can pass messages to her and from her about your son and visitations. That way that person can filter out the hurtful things she will say. And just give you the necessary info.

A dark Plan B means you cannot talk to her, see her, write to her....nothing. Waywards HATE Plan B. She will challange it. Try to get you to break it.

You must be ready for it.

Once OM has to meet ALL of her ENs. Even the ones YOU met for her....the A will crumble even faster.

Do I do plan b letter now or after about 2 weeks seperation?

You MUST tell your son THE TRUTH!!!!

He must know that what his mother is doing is WRONG!

Otherwise he will be morally confused. You taught him that adultery is wrong. DO NOT ALLOW her to say it is OK sometimes.

Tell him that she is hoping to break up OM's M too.

Lay it ALL out there.

Do not protect her at the expense of your son.

He deserves to know the truth. He NEEDS to know the truth.

This decision effects him too!!!!

Many will be praying for you tonight..

Tell your DS the truth. Do not lie or cover for WW. Does your son know about the affair? If not, tell him the truth about it. If he already knows about the affair then tell him that mom is still talking to OM on a regular basis and that is not how married people behave.

Thank you so much. All hell is about to break loose. I have revealed everything to WW mother, my friends, OM wife, and will do more tonight.

Also have session with Hartley tonight.

WW will say I am trying to turn son and mother against her.