Of course you don't want him to come here. Then he'd know that you cheated on him.

Why keep coming back if you don't intend to listen to anything that anyone is telling you?

Who said I'm not listening, you are doing a lot of assuming here. I don't care if he sees what i wronte but if he went around telling everyone I know I would divorce him faster thatn you can say divorce lawyer.

That's what all foggy waywards say. Exposure tends to send most active waywards into a fit of rage. It doesn't last long, and trust me, you won't divorce him. You'll be extremely lucky if he doesn't divorce you once he finds out you've been lying to him. Oh, and he will find out. And the longer you wait to tell him, the worse it's going to be.

I have no doubt in my miond that it would be over if he did the exposure thing, and he is not going to divorce me, i know im lucky.

So, have you told him? I'm pleased you're still her reading. Keep looking. I came here reading, trying to work out the best thing to do.

My sis had a ons about 12 years ago and confessed 2 years ago. They are working on their M and their has been no exposure. She wishes she had done it sooner. Partly the guilt and partly because her H has been living a lie - forced by her.

She is an entirely different person now - doesn't suffer with the constant self doubt and depression and I guess in all those years she had sort of forgotten about it. It was still there eating away at her. Their M is now in a much happier place.

Keep reading.

Lokil

Did you give him a choice in this???

At least my BS had a chance to make up HER mind and I thank GOD still to this day I was allowed almost 20 years of M.

Nesre

Of course there's no doubt in your foggy, wayward mind. I felt the exact same way when I was in the fog. I swore up and down that I was leaving if my H dared tell anyone. He told, I stayed. I yelled and stormed and raged for awhile, but I stayed. That's because the fog does eventually clear and you do eventually come to an understanding of what a terrible, horrendous thing you have done. You're nowhere near there yet. You say you feel bad about what you have done, but you don't feel bad enough to own up to it and tell your H and give your M a chance to recover (or not, depending on what your H decides).

And of course you don't think your H is going to D you. He doesn't know anything that's going on. You're keeping a huge chunk of his own life a secret from him. You aren't giving him a chance to decide whether or not he wants to be married to a lying cheater.

Of course if his choice wether he divorces me or not honestly i think i would have divorced me.

Again lots of ASSuming.wether i'm in the fog or not ti would be over 2 wrongs dont make a right.

And why would it be so wrong for your H to tell people what you have done? Have you read anything on this site at all? Have you read any of Dr. H's articles? Obviously not, or you would know all about exposure.

I have read it and no i dont understand how it's a good thing if you want to stay married, if you just want to hurt the evil doer then go ahead.

If that's what you believe the purpose of exposure is, then you either didn't read it completely or you didn't understand it.

Likil

You have not given H a choice.

This will eat away every day 24/7. Everything will trigger it from conversation to TV to radio. A's and cheating are all over the place.

I would never wish the mental anguish I carried on any one. There is only one way to get rid of it and many have posted the way.

Your M R has already been affected with this. Look at all the time you have spent on this board. Look at how you stay away from the computor. R with the "Friends".

What else is being affected?

For your own sanity Please consider giving your H the choice. Speaking From experience there is no other way to get rid of the guilt.

Its very disrespectful to make H's choices for Him.

Nesre

I read it and it sounds nice in theory just like comunism, in reality it will hurt me and it will end my marriage.

No, writer isn't "assuming", she has been there and recognizes it, as do I...Once you've encountered the fog, there is no mistaking it...Writer's post was spot on accurate, lolkil...

In fact, once you've come totally clean and are out of the fog, YOU will tell people yourself - because, (1) You will be willing if you think your story might help someone else OR (2) Because you WANT to make amends and you WANT accountability...

lolkil, what you don't understand is that until you tell the truth, the lies will keep you grounded in fog...Seriously, if you hold onto this lie, then you will still be foggy on your deathbed...It is TRUE that "the truth will set you free"...It's the only thing that will, in fact...

Mrs. W

The choice of what? he is free tomake his own choices.

Wait..."2 wrongs don't make a right"...Are you implying that exposure of an affair is WRONG? Why? lolkil, it is NOT wrong to expose evil...it is wrong to do evil...

Mrs. W

He doesn't have all the facts about his life so that he can make informed choices, lolkil...

Mrs. W

This is fear talking. Take control of your life and do the exposure yourself. It certainly didn't do me any harm. Although I felt very ashamed, it was sort of a relief. And it meant that there were people around me watching for me to slip up - it gave me an opportunity to be a better me and to take much better care of my H adn M with everyone else looking on.

LOL.

The troll is back. She must be bored.

C'mon everyone....at best we have a troll.

At worst we have a foggy wayward (Gawd knows what she's doing here...) trying to tell us that exposure will be bad. OF COURSE it will be bad. It's always bad for the wayward because their wrongs come flying out of the closet and into the light of day.