Heartbroken,
Why have you waited to go see your W? Why wait until March?

Gg

I am in school right finishing my associate's degree this semester and I haven't had the money to fly or drive the 1500 miles to see her. It's not that I don't want to. We both agreed that spring break would be the best time so I wouldn't miss class and I would have time to ask for time off from work.

I tried to contact her today to get some details about the flight, if she could pick me up at the airport, etc. No response! She has always been very prompt to text or call me back. I don't understand what her deal is? I know she has her phone too because she posted on facebook an hour ago from her phone.

HB,

Send the valentines gifts and flowers. Hold on the airplane trip until you get some data from her Mom or her. That would be my take. If you have left her some messages and she has not called back or contacted you, stop sending them.

It seems something is up and they need to be letting you know what it is.

JL

Thanks, I will send the Valentines gifts and flowers. I will also hold off on the plane tickets. I thought all was well when it came to me visiting but apparently not now. I agree that something is up. I'll just stop trying to contact her for now and wait it out. I'm getting pretty nervous.

Brother,

This woman has ZERO incentive to get you back into her life and the time apart is simply working to get her out of your life, not back into it.

You have no kids. She is a cheater who is immature and in constant need of attention.

Odds are high she's been living like a single woman this whole time and has either met someone new or is back in contact with OM.

My bet is on someone new.

I say you do your last spasm of romantic overtures and then go to Plan B, leading to a proabable D.

This woman isn't even patient enough to wait the relatively short amount of time you need to finish school and then to possibly move someplace you both like.

You're chasing after an idea that isn't there. She is not acting like your wife anymore because in her mind she's separated and acting single and is simply tied to you by a piece of paper.

Unfortunately for me, I believe you are probably right. It just really hurts to know that I have been trying very hard to make this work, learning to forgive, etc. Now it appears that has all been for nothing (except to maybe make me a stronger, better person). I don't feel any stronger though. I am a complete mess right now just writing this reply.

I really still do love her and the thought of giving her up, even after what she has done, makes me feel like a failure. The thought of divorce and starting over, leaves me paralyzed. I hurt so much right now!!! I could use all the help and advise I can get right now. I feel very alone and I feel like I'm slipping into an even darker place. Please help!

The show ain't over till the fat lady sings. Be positive, confident and listen to her. Ladies all around the word like these characteristics.

Be a man and allow her to be a lady. Encourage her. Rebuke her graciously when necessary.

I talked to WW mother on the phone last night and she wouldn't give me any information. She just said that she didn't want to get in the middle and it was between us. WW mother gave no information as to why I was suddenly being given the silent treatment. So no help there.

The silent treatment continues. I still don't understand this. She has never treated me like this ever, not in all the years I have known her. Even after we had a fight and she was angry at me, she would still send me a text or tell me where she would be, etc. It hurts me so much that she just cut all contact with me one day. Just like that. I haven't done anything wrong!

What should I do? Just leave her alone and wait for her to contact me? As you all know, this is tearing me up inside. I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning. My self-esteem is nearing zero. I feel so much pain right now.

WW finally text me today and said to leave her alone for a while. She needs her space and time to think. She says that when I talk to her, I cloud her thoughts and won't let her think for herself. She told me not to buy a ticket to come see her in march.

Only a few days ago, she was wanting me to go there and stay as long as possible. Now she doesn't want me to contact her at all. I just don't understand it but it doesn't look good for me.

I guess I will send her Valentines gifts to her and then go dark for a while. At least until she decides that she wants to communicate with me.

Those of you who have been through this pain, how did you do it? I have had anxiety disorder since I was a young child and I am suffering from depression, of course. The pain and confusion is almost unbearable for me. I just want to lay in bed and die most of the time. I try to stay busy with work, school, hobbies, etc. but my mind keeps racing.

How can I survive this and keep from losing my mind?

HB,

I am sorry for what is happening. I really am but I am now going to be very very harsh with you.

You don't need to have an anxiety attack. Anxiety comes when you don't know what is going on, and frankly you do.

She has made it very clear you are NOT who she wants now and maybe not ever. She has made it clear that she is probably testing the waters with someone else.

I would indeed send the gifts but don't get anxious. You will not get the response you want. You know you are not going at semester break.

There is no need for your mind to race. This show is over until she makes up her mind and there is NOTHING you can do about it. Frankly, it is time to go to Plan B and be silent. focus on your life, your family, your school and get the job done that is in front of you...graduating.

You focus on your job and don't you dare pull your head up to worry about anything else. There is right now NOTHING more important that you graduating...NOTHING. Do you understand me???

Young man, this is tough stuff, and the tough get through it by focusing on the tasks at hand. Your task is graduating, not keeping a wayward W, not worrying about a woman that does not worry about you. FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS.

"Git'er DONE" HB. You can do it, you must do it and there is no reason to spend anymore time worrying about something you have no control over.

Be anxious over your next exams, over what sort of job you will have win you graduate, but don't be anxious over a woman that has cheated, lied, and run away. She has messed up again and she is still running. Quit chasing and focus on your tasks and #1 is your education.

Those are your marching orders. No texting, no phone calls, and no emails...NOTHING. Your MIL said it all when she said she did not want to get in the middle. She has said, that your W is playing around and doesn't want you.

That may change, but it won't if you get anxious, it will not help your future no matter what you do or don't do. What will is you focusing on your education.

God Bless,

JL

10-4 Sir! lol I understand what you are saying. I do have to stay focused and it will be challenging, but I think I can do it. I appreciate your advise and tough love. As you know, it is very scary to go through this when I never have before. Everything is so uncertain and confusing. In a way, I'm still in shock.

Lately though I have been thinking less about the actual affair and I hope that is a positive sign. I wish I wasn't so miserable all the time. I feel like a bit of a burden to my family and friends. I try to smile and be cheerful but it is just so hard.

HB,

Did you catch my reply to your prayer request?

As for JL's advice, double it...

Cowboy up!

Yes I did. Thanks you so much, it really helps and didn't go unnoticed.

WW text me on Valentines Day, thanking me for the flowers I sent. A simple thank you and then cut contact with me again. I haven't heard from her since, but the Valentines gifts I sent her will arrive tomorrow (I was waiting for a gift for her to arrive so I could send to her, that's why I was a little late). I expect another quick thank you and that's it. Very sad.

Well, WW received he Valentines gifts last wednesday and all she said was, "Thanks for my things. That was nice of you". No "I love you's" or anything. I asked if I could talk to her and she said no, that I would just upset her and she was afraid and didn't want to cry. I haven't had anymore contact with her.

I think she has given up on the marriage and it hurts so much. It's like the old analogy that marriage is like paddling a boat and each spouse has an oar. If both spouses are rowing together, you keep moving and get somewhere. But when only one person is rowing (me), the boat just goes in circles.

That's where I am now. Getting nowhere.

Plan B time, HB. A very dark plan B, as in don't even respond anymore when she texts or otherwise tries to contact you. You no longer have any reason to be in contact with her and she's made it clear she doesn't want to contact you any more than necessary.

Stop drawing this out, go dark. Follow JL's and Mark's advice and concentrate on your school and job. Give it 'till graduation, and if she's still not saying she wants to move back and try again by then, time for plan D.

Plan D scares me to death. This may be my only option though.

Checking WW e-mail today, I saw a few messages from some guy and the mention of a boyfriend. I believe she is living like she is single now and if she hasn't already found another man, she is actively seeking one. This is so very painful. I guess my only option now is to seek a divorce. Any help please?