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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 78
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NYU25,
I think you find in any state that domestic violence will trump adultery every time.
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,455
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I do not PERMIT him to do anything. They are his actions and not mine. He blames ME for his outbursts. I am trying my best to protect my children in every way I can. I am trying to seek advice from others who have been through this and take action, while protecting my children's long term interests. I am scared as hell about him hurting them or more likely me. I am scared as Hell about my kids' lives being turned upside down due to a decision I have to make. I am scared about not being able to provide for my kids. for their education, health care, emotions, stability, etc. I am trying to make the best decisions I can given the incredible stress in this situation. I agree. You need to get out. Your kids lives are turned upside down seeing what your H is doing to you. Rather have your kids change schools, be poor and be ALIVE and safe. Once they are safe then you can work on their emotions and stability. Get into a safe house and then have him served. REad what you wrote about this man...READ... Forget the cheating -- who cares who he blames -- You are not trying to protect your children -- you are trying to not rock the boat and put up with this abuse.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Posts: 35,996 |
He says I am a drama queen.
Get the hell out !
I have had talks with them about how his behaviour is wrong.
Get the hell out.
I know I need to protect them. I am now looking to find a lawyer to consult.  Consult an attorney from a protected place.
You do know, don't you, that once you and kids are in a shelter, they will help you find appropriate legal help?
The primary reason I was going to get a PI was to get some proof of adultery. That way, I will have a better leg to stand on in court in terms on custody, finan. support and knowing I am not crazy.
Your legal standing in court will improve once you have protected your children. You won't look so great in court if you fail to remove your children from a violent situation.
Take photos of the holes in the wall.
Call the police today.
Call the hotline today.
Get the hell out.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 78
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 78 |
Both will destroy marriages, violence will land him in jail. Calling you a drama queen is a control technique.
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,455
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I've read the links and appreciate your help. The primary reason I was going to get a PI was to get some proof of adultery. That way, I will have a better leg to stand on in court in terms on custody, finan. support and knowing I am not crazy. You do not need proof of adultery. In any state when domestic violence is claimed (and not even proven) emergency order will be put into place including a restraining order and temporary orders for financial support. Most states you can not even claim adultery as a reason for divorce. You need to check your State instead of wasting money on this. If you have $1500 for a PI -- it could at least give you some money to leave.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Posts: 35,996 |
My H generally hits things (walls, breaks pictures, lamps)but not the kids. Has shoved me, etc. AM I BEING ABUSED?
How is your relationship?
Does your partner:
Embarrass you with put-downs?
Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
Make all of the decisions?
Tell you that you�re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
Prevent you from working or attending school?
Act like the abuse is no big deal, it�s your fault, or even deny doing it?
Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
Force you to try and drop charges?
Threaten to commit suicide?
Threaten to kill you?
If you answered �yes� to even one of these questions,
you may be in an abusive relationship.
For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Posts: 35,996 |
Never try to convince your abuser that he is an abuser. Do NOT have that discussion.
The biggest "convincing" is when YOU take your kids and leave.
If he's at all interested in changing his ways ... he will seek treatment for domestic abuse.
If he is NOT interested in getting help, if he insists you are "crazy" or a "drama queen" ... stay away from him.
If his reaction is to beg and plead and promise things ... and he does NOT get help ... stay away from him.
He becomes increasingly dangerous over time.
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Joined: Dec 2008
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and where did she go? Did not like the truth?
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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