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Hi All - I was here several years ago everyday for a very long time  Thankfully, my marriage survived the affair. Now I have a very dear friend who is going thru the same thing. I have given away all my "Surviving an Affair" things to other people who needed them thru the years. So I don't have anything to refer to. My dh and I have been walking thru this mess with them. However, she has just found out the affair has not ended and it is definitely time to go to Plan B. She has been in a beautiful Plan A for at least 3 months now. They have 3 school-aged kids and it is really more practical for them to stay in the home but WS will/is refusing to leave. I remember all the no-contact stuff but I don't remember what to do if the WS will not leave. Any help??
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was a full exposure done?
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yes, full exposure to everybody who's anybody in their lives.
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Why do you feel that she needs to go to plan A ?. Average A dies within 6 months of exposure. Is her taker start rebelling ?. She is probably angry and disappointed right now, wait until she could think clearly. is he remorseful and willing to amend her ?. Plan B is a plan of last resort. To answer your question ... IMVHO ... file separation, to force him out, use legal means. Depending on which states and age of the kids, the law still favor women  . -rh-
Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.
Happily Married to Lady Elina - 04/29/06
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Thanks, Redhat. She has been in Plan A for 3 mos. now and he will not break off the affair after repeatedly saying he will. It's time for Plan B. Just didn't know if she would have to take legal means to get him out of the house.
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Well, she could try what I did. While my WH was at work, I packed up his stuff and waited for him to come home. It only took 30 minutes(although it seemed like FOREVER then) of talking and then WH left. He had his Plan B letter in hand and he was on his way(straight to POSOW's house). I had all of the keys to my house and that was it.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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She could make his live hell to get him out but it would defeat her plan A. Did she follow MB to help WS to end the A ?, NC letter and transparency on all of his actions ? . How about this time ? is he still willing to work on M ?.
-rh-
Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.
Happily Married to Lady Elina - 04/29/06
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I would pick up a copy of Surviving an Affair and give it to her....
It will help her understand the whole process and the book has an example of a plan-b letter
she will need a clear plan before going into a Plan-B and the book and you can help her thru that ....
And of course getting her on this site will help her too
Me BS 54
XWW 51 Divorce final 1/9/12
DS26 DS24 Twin DD's22 Married 29years
D-dates No1 01/2007, No2 08/2008(ongoing)
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Thanks, Redhat. She has been in Plan A for 3 mos. now and he will not break off the affair after repeatedly saying he will. It's time for Plan B. Just didn't know if she would have to take legal means to get him out of the house.
Are her children aware of the affair?
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yes, full exposure to everybody who's anybody in their lives.
Do the infidels work together?
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Thanks for the replies, guys!
Yes, the children are aware. She has followed all the Plan A points but he refuses to do things the way she asks. He will not write/send/tell a no-contact letter the way she is asking. Kind of funny...I just got off the phone with her and she told me that WH is going to end it for good tomorrow but he needs to do it his way. He needs to be an "honorable man and end it the right way with her" therefore he "needs to see her to do it."
Blah-blah-blah!!!
I think I will get the book so she can have an example of the Plan B letter. I really think it's moving that way but he's not budging.
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Thanks for the replies, guys!
Yes, the children are aware. She has followed all the Plan A points but he refuses to do things the way she asks. He will not write/send/tell a no-contact letter the way she is asking. Kind of funny...I just got off the phone with her and she told me that WH is going to end it for good tomorrow but he needs to do it his way. He needs to be an "honorable man and end it the right way with her" therefore he "needs to see her to do it."
Blah-blah-blah!!!
I think I will get the book so she can have an example of the Plan B letter. I really think it's moving that way but he's not budging. IMVHO. WH refusal to end A and amends her are not good enough reason going into plan B. Standard answer what to do when WS refused to end A is go back to plan A (drawing board). Again if she is doing good in plan A and able to hang in there, put more pressure on A ... let OW LB'ng. We are here to support others by sharing our own experience, we might have our own bias on what had worked for us. If she could afford it, 1-2 sessions w/ Steve or Jennifer is highly recommended. It is expensive but she only need MB help to evaluate her going into plan B. It is too bad that MB discontinued Partner Registry, she might get someone local and cheaper. -rh-
Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.
Happily Married to Lady Elina - 04/29/06
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He needs to be an "honorable man and end it the right way with her" therefore he "needs to see her to do it."
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He needs to be an "honorable man and end it the right way with her" therefore he "needs to see her to do it."
 We don't need psycho-babel dictionary when we have you -rh-
Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.
Happily Married to Lady Elina - 04/29/06
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end it for good tomorrow but he needs to do it his way. He needs to be an "honorable man and end it the right way with her" therefore he "needs to see her to do it." Nothing ends for good tomorrow. It is a contraddiction in terms. Something ends in the past not in the future. Yes, closure sex and more closure sex in the coming months... However, this scenario I very familiar with as it is the same thing H told me after his first A. He needed to do it his way. Well he did not want to leave the family but he did not want to hurt her either...at the end he left her as I made him call her on the phone telling her it was over. BUT i did not follow the MB principles and he cheated again after 3-4 years and the M is over. Yes, you need a session with Steve. Also why do you have to post for your friend, can't she post n her own? What is the reason why she has you post? Is she aware you are posting about her business on this forum? If so she should post herself. blessing
atena
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