my husband has decided that he is going to end it with the OW he has told her via text message, she is away and then told me he will speak to her next week in person..
He said he is committed to our relationship and that I need to trust him
Why do I feel so insecure about them meeting and discussing things/
I feel like the day I found out about her.....
anyone experience this?
I'm separated from him right now for a couple of weeks.......
I need a hug so bad I want to trust him.....

He should NOT meet with her in person - period. Tell him that you want him to write a letter of NO CONTACT, that you want to read it, and that you will mail it. That this letter will be the last contact between the two of them, and that this is it, period. There cannot be a "last meeting", because this is an invitation for good-bye sex. Tell him that if he insists on meeting with her, then she can come to a parking lot at a grocery store to receive the NC letter from the two of you, and you WILL ATTEND THAT MEETING.

There will be NO PRIVATE MEETING between the two of them.

And expose this affair to her husband - today - without warning - if you haven't already done it.

My ex had lots of breaking up boinks, err, "meetings" with the OW. Ask him to write her a NC letter saying the affair was a horrible mistake, unfair to you, that he loves you and wants no contact with her forever for any reason.

If he says the letter is pointless, that it would hurt her, that he needs to do this his own way, that he needs closure, blah, blah, blah, then tell him to contact you when he is willing to take the steps necessary to save the marriage. Tell him that when that day comes, if your feelings haven't changed, you will be willing to talk to him.

thanks for the responses, the news of his affair is out there already the OW's husband took care of letting everyone know.......
I know I can't trust him yet, I don't I think when something like this happens you may never fully trust anyone again......
It's a good idea that I go to that meeting with her to end things, thanks for the suggestion

LOL, Pep, why didn't I think of that?????????

I donno.

Jess, when an adulterer goes to see their adultery partner for "closure", it always results in "closure SEX" and always riles up the affair! You should bring along the whole family, most especially the OWH! Make it a big happy party.
You can all get "closure" together.


And, your H can't object to that, since he is promising to do nothing wrong!

The concept of closure is so stupid to me.

There is never anything "closed" in an affair.

Especially for the BS. This is wide open like a gaping wound for a very lonnnnngggg time.

Closure. That's just crappola. It's a code-word for "I just need more time to get a fix of my heroin."

But I feel so cute and clever when I say it, SB. I read that lofty sounding term in my Cosmo magazine right after the horoscopes.

<valley gurl squeek>

Er, then how about closing the door, as in d i v o r c e.

Larry

You should NEVER TRUST him if he wants to go see some woman. That is untrustworthy behavior. That is like me asking you to "trust me" to go drunk driving!

trust me!! I am a great drunk driver!

If you do want do know what happens if you allow this "closure" then read my answer to a similar story:

It was one of the BIGGEST mistakes I did when I went to say goodbye to OM. It hurt my H a lot. And the feelings of regret and guilt have not left me since then, although it happened more than a year and a half ago.
My suggestion to you - don't by any chance let it happen and back it with actions. Warn OW's husband that your H plans to do this, maybe he can help to avoid it. And give your H an ultimatum - the prerequisite for me to even consider to start thinking of rebuilding our M with you again is you NOT to meet her EVER again.

Well as some of you know, my husband had an affair and has now changed his mind and has asked me to re-consider working on our marriage, he has broken off with the OW, gave me all his passwords, requested phone records to come to me, has agreed to marriage therapy, he has agreed to leave separation agreement in place until I feel some level of trust again......says he is sorry and that he doesn't like himself much for doing what he has done to me and our boys.......I don't have a lot of trust at this point but I'm willing to see where it all goes with the work he says he is willing to do.
The OW is a bit of a problem, she is telling her friends she is suicidal I just hope she goes away and lets us heal now.....my husband says she will eventually give up if he doesn't respond to her in anyway........he is being honest with me and he realizes it will take time and patience to get through this and keep saying that he loves me and that I will see that he means what he says and that I can trust him.........
I still have a lot of doubts and questions myself, it's fear of putting yourself out there again, I guess it all just takes time to believe and trust again......
I'm begining to think this whole thing will go on forever.......
Trying to be patient, need some encouragement I guess.

Oh, wawawa. Ah, well, feeling bad IS a hazard of Affairing. She'll have to get over that the best way she can. Not your problem.

More importantly: Has your WH sent a NC letter? Have all ties to OW been severed completely?

It would help if you used one of your old threads to post. That way someone would know your story before they started posting their support.

You can always ask the mods to combine your threads: click on notify and make the request.

Larry