Just to give you a bit of a background on my story first....

Myself and WW were together for 8 years, married for 6. No children and she had been cheating for at least 1 1/2 years that she admitted to. We tried to work things out through MC, but found out she did not bring NC into place. Divorce was final November 20 (YAY! a little on the inside). I loved her to death but could not bear the pain anymore......

Now fastforward to the present time:

I have "gone out" with a few girls here and there. Things are just so wierd to me. Its not because it is not my wife, but it seems every girl has these crazy problems that I am just not used to and it doesn't feel normal to me. Let me give some examples:
1. I went out with a girl ONE time and the next weekend she was talking about me meeting her children and kept pressing on the issue. I told her I was not comfortable with that especially since I don't have children of my own. I finally had to tell her I was annoyed and walked away.
2. Went on a few dates with a girl just to find out she still talks to 2 ex boyfriends and an ex husband (who she goes to see out of town from time to time to get haircuts from).

How do girls think this is normal? I dont know if I am just crazy, but these are things I am just flat out not ok with? Is it this hard in dating to find a regular person???? I didn't think it was.

Wow, H4L. I admire you for even going out on dates at this point!

You've been divorced now for only three months. I'm still in the "legal cooling-off" period, so I can't even get a divorce until the end of April.

I'm grateful for this time, because there is no way I would feel comfortable dating at present. I can't say how I'll feel five months from now, but I've heard it said that it can take up to two years to get past a divorce (I don't like the phrase, "get over").

Then again, I've never been very good at the dating scene. As my DD28 (who has been in a non-marital relationship for over 18 months) told me, "Dad, I have more relationship experience than you do!" She's darn right!

For me, this is probably the most worrisome aspect of being "re-singled:" How to ask a woman out. I've never been good at it, even though I think I'm cultured, educated, active and financially stable. It scares me to death to simply ask a woman if she'd go out with me (fear of rejection, probably).

Keep at it. And let us know how it's going.

Well we have been seperated since May of last year when I found out about the continuing A. I thought for a while that it wasn't ever going to be easy, but time really does heal.

The more you get out and about with friends and family, the better you will be at it. Opportunities just come up that you never thought of. People that were in your past and respected your marriage hear about your unfortunate circumstance and know what type of person you are start spreading the word about it.

I have had more "friend of friends" type references than I have had to work on things on my own. I am sure you will be amazed once you get to that point.

Being single again was definitely my worst fear because I hadn't had to "impress" anyone new in 8 years. Like I said, time will heal and you will be confident in yourself once again.

Thanks, H4L. Our time lines and some details are very similar. My WW and I married in June, 2003 and she A-bombed me in October. I don't know how long the A had been ongoing, but I don't think it was as long as yours. But in cases like this, how long really isn't relevant, is it?

I am taking great strides to change who I am and how I behave. When it comes time to start dating again, I guess things will just fall into place. I've kind of put it to the back of my mind right now, as even my attorney has told me, "No girlfriends until..."

It is definitely good advice from your attorney. My WW was amazingly civil and did not want to hurt me more than she already had. I think I lucked out because she was cordial and gave me pretty much anything I wanted within reason. I knew she was a good person and this was just a tragic happening, which is why I tried to work things out.

Anyway, yes things will fall into place. I know that if you would have asked me a year ago how I would feel now, I would have been way off in my assumption. There is no better feeling than waking up confident and ready to take on the world even without a woman by your side. You have to be ok with yourself before you can start to date again. Don't get me wrong, I still went through the times where I thought I HAD to have a woman by my side. I finally realized I can be without someone and still be happy, you just have to learn your way of understanding how it will work best for you.

Best of luck in your situation and I really hope you can have the feelings I have now, as I am sure you will.

H4L, Those women aren't normal at all. It does take some work to find someone compatible. Maybe reconsider your dating criteria.

FinVA, It's really simple to ask a woman out. You just say "Would you like to go out for a drink/coffee with me?"

Thanks, Greengables.

I am reminded however, of the difference between "simple" and "easy."

Riding an angry bull for eight seconds is simple...

H4L, yep, the older we get, the more baggage we carry. It's hard to find someone 'normal'. It's the dating world at an older age, broken people looking for their other half. All the upfront barriers to break through. Expectations.

GG, I am beginning to think the longer I stay single, the less normal I become... I become too much of 'me' as an individual and less of me as part of society. It's scary.

That's certainly one way to look at it.

OTOH, you can look at it this way - when we were dating in our 20's, most everyone seemed "normal", but that's because the "abnormal" side of them had yet to materialize. Things like addictions, bankruptcies, compulsions, mental illness, etc etc, had not necessarily had time to develop yet. So we met them, married them, and then the abnormalcies came to light.

Whereas if you meet someone normal now, you pretty much know that that is who they are, and are unlikely to go wacko on you down the line. So I think there are advantages to dating at this more, uh, mature age . But of course, you must not settle for abnormal , just keep looking. The good gals/guys are out there, just need to be found.

AGG

I'm with AGG. And I'm not broken. I'm seasoned. I have a patina. And, I don't worry about impressing others much now.

Also, keep in mind there is no such thing as normal. Normal is a spectrum. Lots of people are inside the spectrum. You just need to find one that fits you well.

My Mike wasn't much of a talker and he didn't like to socialize a lot. He was a bit of a loner. A lot of people would have fun him a bit odd. However, he fit me perfectly.

And Fred, just remember that most women are really pleased to be asked out.

Well I am only 25 years old. No kids, only debt with my ex is my car and I have power of attorney on that.

I just don't get how some of these women think what they do is ok. I really ask myself sometimes, what is going on in their head?

I guess I just need to sit back and wait for one to impress me a bit. I seem to find myself waiting for them to mess up so I can have a good reason to stop talking to them. I know that sounds horrible, but its the truth.

25?????????

25!!!!!!!!!

Hoy!

What's the hurry to date?

Go enjoy life and savor your freedom!

Because I would really like to settle down and start a family in the next 5 years. I would really like to know someone pretty well before I make that decision again!

Going on a first date this weekend... wish me luck!

We are going to want to know the details, of course.

Have fun!

Yikes, so you have been out of circulation since you were 17...

In that case, my advice is a bit different. Take some serious time to date, preferrably a few years. Go out and meet as many women as you can, and get to know what you want/need in a relationship, and what your dealbreakers are.

I think Harley recommends meeting about 30 people before settling, I think that is good advice. It's amazing how much you learn about yourself and relationships by going through those kinds of numbers.

AGG

I will post details tomorrow!

Ok so, here is how everything went. I didn't want to make it an exclusive date with just the two of us, so I got my roommate and his GF to go along. We went out to a small restraunt for some dinner, had a great time just talking between the 4 of us. The night only got better from there. I asked if she would like to go have some drinks with us at a nearby bar, and she gladly accepted. We had drinks and learned alot about each other, so we will see where it goes from here!

Thanks for all the continuing support and I will let you know the progress in the upcoming months....hopefully!