gn, she is doing this for SHOW for her Dad, not because she is sincere.

And NO, you should not break your Plan B unless and until she complies with your conditions. She would counsel with Steve Harley ALONE anyway, so just pass on Steve's phone # and let her make her own appointment.

Put the ball in her court. You don't have to be there for her to counsel with Steve.

I don't care what her motive is ... I think it's a golden opportunity.




This is true.

...and now I'm conflicted because two posters that I respect have different opinions on my next step...

I did call to see what times were available and, unless WW changes her schedule, we wouldn't be able to make the one tomorrow anyway. The next earliest opportunity would be Sunday (with Jennifer) or Monday morning (with Steve).

gn, you can't counsel together anyway. They don't counsel couples in conflict TOGETHER. The HArleys would tell you NOT to break Plan B unless she complies with your conditions. She has not met your conditions. Steve would not advocate that you break Plan B unless she meets the conditions in your letter.

She CAN, however, counsel with the Harleys by calling the 800 #. ALONE.

p.s. I would advise that she counsel with STEVE since she is in an affair. He seems to do very well in that kind of scenario. She won't be able to snow Steve.

I agree with Mel.

I would tell him that this plan is prescribed by a clinical PSYCHOLOGIST, Dr Harley. It harms the marriage to stay in direct touch when one spouse is engaging in abusive behavior. [your wife's affair] cutting off contact prevents you from growing to hate her.

gnirlos

You are one fast, sharp learner. In the short time you have had to absorb and get in control of your life, you have managed to do both very, very well. Congratulations, not all BS manage to get where you are so fast.


So you happily gave him more reasons to not like OM.

And of course, you found the pressure point: MONEY!

I assume you are holding on to revealing that OM is a serial predator for the right time and place. I guarantee FIL will take that ball and run with it. FIL instinctively did not like OM, and he said so.

Again, you are doing great IMHO.

Larry

Ok, for my two cents, I yield to Mel. She seems to have almost made a career out of understanding the Harley's methods. If Mel thinks that Steve is better at blowing through WS fog, then by all means, take her word for it.

IF your WW makes an appointment, it might be useful to write up a BRIEF outline of conditions and send them to Steve as background to include serial predator status of the OM.

What say you Mel?

Laryy

gn, Larry is right. If your wife gets an appointment with Steve, I would call and make an appointment with Steve for yourself so you can tell him you are in plan B and review your conditions.

Thanks Larry.

GN:

Another thought while ruminating on what Mel and Pep have said:


Yea, it is a show. The benefit of a private session with Steve for yourself is your ability to relay to FIL what you LEARN that just might contrast with what WW tells him.

Right now, it appears that FIL is playing referee and the more he knows, the better job he can do. Normally, what daughters want, daughters get, but in the case of a predator going after daughter, a FATHER will baulk.

WW is protecting the affair and her serial predator OM. You are protecting the family.

Easy choice for FIL to make if it gets presented that way.

Larry

You're welcome Mel. You know how I HATE serial predators will every fiber of my being. I can even smell one in a forum posting. And the stench brings out my Texas gun law side.

GN

Ok, one more thought and I would bet it has hit your brain cells as well.

FIL wants his daughter to be happy: motive for a father.

He KNOWS his daughter. He can sometimes manipulate his daughter since he KNOWS her. Often she manipulate HIM.

For as long as it lasts, until convinced otherwise, he needs to think this serial predator is after her for her MONEY! Big fear of fathers where trust funds are involved. This is one of the few areas where a father will stand up on his hind legs and work to defeat daughter's "Happiness."

Larry

Heeheehee.

I saw your (?) posting earlier Larry, about "this time it will be different." I emailed it to myself, in fact.

My WW is in love with one of these cretins.

As the counselor I've been seeing told me, "Sometimes it's best just to stand aside and let the train wreck happen..."

But not to t/j, I think gnirlos has the best possible opportunity. He's handling it well and everything seems to be falling into place.

It can't be this easy. What am I missing?

I called the appointment line back and gave Laurie (? gah...can't believe I've forgotten her name already) the information that I'm in Plan B. She said that Steve will make the final decision on whether we should do separate sessions or a combined session and that he will do that after we fill out the pre-session paperwork. She would confirm with him today, but he is out of the office for a funeral, so she wasn't sure if she could get in touch with him. I thanked her, then called FiL and passed on the appointment line phone number, the available times for tomorrow and Monday and asked him to have WW call and pick a time.

While talking to him, it sounds like he's done a bit more pressuring. He made a comment that WW is moving all of the horses back from OM's ranch to some property owned by FiL & WW's siblings' trust (which is even closer to town). I say "back", because she moved them from there to OM's ranch late last year when the property was too muddy to even get back to their pasture and feed them...as I know, personally, because my vehicle got stuck in the mud and had to be towed out. Not entirely certain what she's planning to do with the feeding, since it really hasn't dried out much in the last couple of months...we go from having two years of a draught to the past couple of months being soaking wet...including snow two days ago...

I know that OM is out of town at a karate tournament in California this weekend. He leaves tomorrow at 8am and doesn't return until Monday at 11pm, unless he changes his flights.

WW and I took the Texas Concealed Handgun Certification class last Saturday (the day before I went Plan B and nuclear exposure). I just had my fingerprints done earlier today and am sending in the CHL application tomorrow morning.

I so AGREE with Larry!! I was thinking earlier that FIL needs to see those emails from OM's karate friends about his other affairs, etc. If he knows this is a GAME with the OM he will be more apt to kick his [censored] to the curb.


Are you TEXANS? Is the father a Texan?? OH BOY, this could get interesting!

I have been urging Gn to expose the emails. I speculate he is holding them as a trump card. And yes Mel, they are all Texans, so we can probably expect more sanity from FIL than might be usual on say, the left coast. Dare I speculate that OM is from some location where they make fake hot sauce?

GN, there you go. Everyone is applauding you at this juncture. Now it is that nobody knows what the future will bring, but what I believe we do know is that you are making all the right moves.

I am looking forward to the day we can point back and say to newcomers, "If you want an example of how MB concepts work to recover a marriage, just look at gnirlos' thread..."

GN:

I thought you were probably not one of those Austin sissies.


Now I KNOW you're not.

Larry

PS for those not from Texas, it is that Austin is eat up with sissies from both coasts who moved there because they didn't like where they were, then proceeded to try to change things so they were more like where they were from. go figure. . .